'AITA for refusing to split my inheritance with my siblings?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to split my inheritance with my siblings?"
I’ll try to summarize as much as possible. I (f19) have an estranged grandpa more or less. He’s my dad’s father, but my dad hardly had a relationship with him. I have two other siblings (one younger, (13) and one older (26). My grandma divorced my grandpa when my dad was only 10, so he lived with my grandma his whole life in a different state and didn’t see him.
When he got older he saw him a little more and my grandpa started coming around a little bit more as well. He’d stay for a week at a time and then go home. He was an old, bitter man to be honest. He never got remarried and lived his whole life in his coastal town with the same friends he’d had his whole life.
He wasn’t pleasant to be around and could hold grudges longer than anyone I’ve ever met. But regardless of this, he was filthy rich. He owned a successful business that he sold for $1m dollars. He retired after selling, but his house sits on an island as well as the biggest piece of land on the island. So it sold for well over $3m.
I was never close with my grandpa, but I took after his sister who is an RN and he adores her. He always told me that he was proud to see me follow in her footsteps.
He died a few months ago. Since then, my family has been torn apart. He left everything to me. He essentially liquidated all of his assets and it ended up being close to 8 million dollars. I was shocked. I didn’t and still don’t know what to do with the money, but I’m going to save it.
My dad and stepmom as well as my siblings are hounding me to split the money with them. I just can’t do it. My dad is an alcoholic who never said anything nice about his dad. Despite him being bitter, my grandpa actually bought my dad a $300,000 house. My dad would 100% drink away any money given to him.
As far as my siblings, my brother has full financial support from my grandma as he is the favorite and he’s very wasteful and ungrateful. He never talks to me and always is very mean to me when he does.
My little sister is the only person I’ve actually considered. She’s very young and that’s really the only thing stopping me. Her mom is money oriented and would take the money from her. So I’m waiting until she turns 18 and i offered to pay for her college. But now my family is telling me I’m unfair and the money doesn’t belong to me and I don't deserve it. That I’m too young and I’ll waste it on cars and clothes.
I don’t agree and now they’re all threatening to cut me off and never speak to me, or even sue me if I don’t give them all a chunk of the money. I don’t know what to do and I’m buckling under pressure here. I’ve already had 2 police officers out to my house because my dad is claiming I stole the money from him. Everything was through an attorney, I know I did nothing wrong legally.. but morally? Idk. So AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
greenapple111 said:
NTA, my god these entitled people. If they want to cut you off for money that your grandpa willed to you show them the door. Buy yourself a lovely home and move away from them, pay for your sisters college and save the rest.
Edit: thank u for my first silver!! Woohoo! And also OP be careful of any brand new “friends” you may encounter, there’ll be so many at your age.. So many stories online of how young people get a lump sum of money yet loose it all.
It’s easier to make money than to keep it. Best to check with a financial adviser To invest and hopefully just live on the interest, like many on here have suggested if you haven’t already... :)
[deleted] said:
NTA considering the circumstances u mentioned. Lawyer tf up. If they’re gonna sue u, u might as well be prepared to deal with the ba. Also in terms of money I highly recommend u invest. I don’t wanna tell u what to do but u can turn that 8 million into generational wealth that can continue to provide for ur family for decades to come
Artsy_Fartsy_Fox said:
NTA Your reasoning sounds very sound and honestly people will turn on each other when money is involved. I highly suggest:
1.) Getting a good lawyer
2.) Getting an accredited financial adviser so you can plan/save
3.) If you want to give your sister money you can set up a trust for her. That way she cant touch the money until she is 18. Again an adviser will help with this.
4.) Tell people what you have on a very need to know basis. Friends and family can and will turn on you. Ik this sounds scary but I'd advise you to look up the history of lottery winners.
In the mean time, take care of yourself. Be smart and do not over spend.
annjones2012 said:
NTA - You do not owe them any money. Just because they are blood doesnt mean they are family. If you want to help your little sibling. Put it in a trust that only she can touch at a certain age. And pay for her schooling directly just incase her greedy mom or dad try to touch it or talk her into giving it to them. Invest wisely and be happy. Your grandpa might be an old grumpy man but he saw something in you.
banerises19 said:
Of course not! You are entitled to your inheritance, they have no right to pressure you into sharing it. I'm fact, you're old enough and this sounds like a really toxic environment. Would you consider moving out? Also, you are really young and will be inexperienced with money. Please don't share with your friends how much you actually have, keep that always private. Use it wisely. NTA.
About a month after her original post, OP shared this update:
First off, thank you to everyone for the advice, links, etc. It was greatly appreciated.
It’s been almost a month since my post so I figured I’d try to update, and clarify a few things.
1.) my family & I have tried reaching out to my father to get him help, he’s declined. giving him money or even bribing him with money to get help, wouldn’t work like some of you suggested. it’s already been tested literally not even three months ago.
2.) my brother is fully supported by my grandparents despite being almost 30, and they have never done anything close to that for me. therefore I didn’t feel it was necessary to give my brother anything as he had a very bad relationship with my grandpa, and only came around when he died.
3.) my mother wasn’t included in the story because I didn’t think it was necessary. she has worked 3 jobs her whole life to support my brother and I because my dad was negligent and threatened her so she never got child support. she’s always supported us and provided for us even though my dad has always made double the amount she has.
4.) I didn’t ask for his money. i didn’t have any previous knowledge I was even in the will. i was upset when he passed because we had always been a bit closer than him and the rest of my siblings/family.
5.) my grandfather bought my dad a very nice house. he didn’t have to, but he did. my dad never said thank you. he doesn’t keep it clean and doesn’t take care of it. simply, he doesn’t deserve the money after everything that’s even given/done for him.
With all of that being said, here’s what I’ve chosen to do. I set up an account for my little sister with enough money for a 4-6 year degree, a car, and a down payment on a house. I donated a sum of it to charity’s, bought myself a new car, and put the rest of it away into CD’s that I can’t touch for another 4 years unless I pay fees to withdraw the money.
I plan to renew these accounts every few years or until I absolutely need it.
Again, thank you to everyone. I was scared, lost, and overwhelmed. I couldn’t have done this without all the support and advice I was given.
Commenters weighed in:
Lol OP just wants to make herself look good (everyone does, so I'm not blaming her, but we're def only getting her side of the story). If there was a valid reason to leave her mom out she would've mentioned it in the original post along with her other family members, or in this update to make herself look good.
Instead she just mentions mom working 3 jobs to support her as an afterthought. OP seems selfish and entitled to me. Leaving your mom who has struggled to raise you 18 out of the 19 years of your life with nothing while you are filthy rich? Of course legally OP doesn't have to give it to anyone, but it is rude AH behavior and people deserve to call her out on it.
hey! sorry for the late response, I’ve logged out of this account. i didn’t mention my mom too much because I didn’t want her to be grouped in/judged with my toxic family. i mentioned her working three jobs not as an afterthought, but to show the struggle she went through to support me and my brother while my dad put in minimum effort.
i was mostly focused on my dad, as on the original post I was getting a lot of comments regarding helping him, and etc. i mentioned the jobs to show how much more my mom deserves over my father. i did help my mom, and she’s the first person I thought of once I found out about my inheritance. I bought her a new car, paid off her medical bills and am helping her move into her new apartment.
she only works one job now, and I’m trying to give her everything. i knew from the beginning I was going to do this and more for her, so I wasn’t intentionally leaving her out, or trying to make myself look good in anyway, my main problems were with my father’s side of the family, so I didn’t feel it was necessary to rope my mom into that.
KnightofForestsWild said:
Solid plan. Educate yourself on investing before the CDs come due. You might want to put some in an alternate investment, but this gives you time to think about it, learn and get used to the impact it makes on your life before you can really touch it. Have they made any more threats of legal action?
f4te said:
honestly i don't think CDs are gonna have a great return on value. the medium is frankly dying due to being digital but less useful. i'd suggest vinyl if you insist on putting that money into music at all. some sort of index fund is the best bet though
And GrottyHarold said:
Dude, you are in desperate need of a financial advisor. CD rates are about 1%. $8M is a lot of money for someone that’s never had it, you’d be doing yourself a disservice by buying CDs and leaving it in a bank account for your sister.