New mom rages after doctor weaponizes baby’s illness to imply cheating. AITA? + UPDATE
"WIBTA for reporting a doctor for implying I was cheating?"
Little context before I get into it. I F(27) am with my partner M(26) for 3 years. We have a great relationship and from the day we met we never saw/dated anybody else. I had a more “fun” past than my partner but always got checked to be safe (important context). I got myself checked right before I met my partner and was all clear.
Fast forward to October just gone, I had just given birth via emergency c section to our beautiful baby boy. This was after a failed induction, 3 sweeps, bags burst, 48 hours in labour and a hormone drip.
I was in the depths of PPD. Not only the PPD, but my surgery went wrong causing nerve damage in my arm and not being able to use it for 8 weeks after surgery. (Thankfully the feeling is back).
Myself and our son were in hospital for 6 days after his birth. We went home and we were scared but excited. On the 10th day of his life I noticed his eyes were puffy and a little gloopy and decided to call the on call doctor as it was Sunday late evening.
He asked us to come down which we did, this is where it went all wrong. The doctor asked “how old my son was”, I replied “10 days”. He said “yes, I already know what it is”. Without looking at him! He gave me this really long terminology that sounded like the furniture would move if you said it out loud.
He told me to look it up when I’m at home “alone”. I live with my partner and our son. I looked it up in the doctors office and nearly died there and then. It basically said conjunctivitis due to chlamydia. When I tell you, I looked at him like he had 17 heads. This is actually common as some forms of the 👏 👏 don’t show up in women.
I started bawling. I said then I don’t have that as I tested before my partner and I have been with nobody else since. He then looked at me to say, “are you sure?”.. if I wasn’t crying so hard, (only crying so hard because I thought I harmed my son) I genuinely would’ve have slapped him. He looked at my partner with sympathy.
I then said, I did not have a vaginal birth so how could that have happened? (This specific condition that is common bearing mind, has to be via vaginal birth). He fobbed off what I said. He basically blamed and shamed me for absolutely nothing.
We left there and I got a home test kit from the hospital, and ironically, would you believe? I was clean as was my partner. Then when we went to my child’s actual pediatrician, he explained that was impossible as I was a birth via section. He had conjunctivitis but bacterial 🫶🏻
I wanted to ring back and gave him a peace of my mind. Calling him ignorant and inconsiderate to people and new mothers who already have a lot going on. My partner said I would be a bit of an A hole if I rang back to give him a lot of stick when I can just moved on.
I think he needs to realize he has to listen and not shame people even if this does happen never mind if it doesn’t!? WIBTA to actually report him to the board for his attitude? I just would like to point a few things out as I have gotten comments swaying both ways.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
Firstly it was my mistake to compare and use the clap and chlamydia in the same equation, I thought that terminology was chlamydia, that’s my own mistake, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
A lot of people think I made this up for “rage bait”, I’d have to be SERIOUSLY twisted to have to make up a story indicating I could’ve or my partner could’ve had an STI and involving my son into the story. Never once did I say my son had chlamydia. I said conjunctivitis cause via chlamydia.
As stated above, I lost usage of my arm after my c section surgery and since then have had my medical records released to me and I was actually swabbed during my pregnancy and was clean.
The doctor did look at my child but only after the diagnosis was given. A few minutes after he said was it was, he then looked at my child and reconfirmed it was what he thought.
People think because he told me to look it up at home on my own that I’m lying. When I tell you, I wish all this story WAS a lie, I mean it. Trust me when I say this isn’t the only thing he said that night to piss me off, this is a shortened down conversation.
I don’t have a reason to lie. There is a lot more to this story but unfortunately, if people think I’m already lying they would never ever believe the rest of the conversation. Myself and my partner and my son do not have chlamydia. That was his diagnosis. The diagnosis was never that my son had it, just an infection caused by it.
Some people have said don’t blame it on my PPD. That is not what I was doing, I was stating I had that and that the doctor should understand that some women hide it well.
I am not from the US. Medical complaints and further on are exceptionally rare and hard to do. I wish they weren’t. As I stated, this is not my first problem with the medicine practices where I am from, as stated above I lost usage in my arm and that’s a WHOLE different story. And that was actual medical negligence on their behalf.
Those bashing my partner, please bear in mind his son was also in the doctors office and we were both exceptionally worried about him and are both first time parents. The last thing my partner would do is essentially piss off the person providing the care (or in this case, there lack of) but still.
I read him comments last night and thankfully he has a thick skin as do I. But he was gonna take what a medical professional said on the chin. He also supported and comforted me when we got home as obviously when we did go straight home I assumed I did have it and caused the infection in my son.
I did not as stated above, nor did he. Just because my partner did not “stand up” for me in a doctors office who was our only form of care that specific night to our son, doesn’t make him a bad man.
I wish everyone who sent well wishes to my son after hearing this, a massive thank you. He is completely fine, he had conjunctivitis via bacteria and is now nearly 7 months and the best boy in the world. 💞💐🩷
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Yes report him, but not for his attitude. Find out what the guidelines are that govern doctors where you live, and use those to support and cite what he did wrong. A “bad attitude” is open to interpretation, breaking a regulation is not.
I’m very sorry this happened to you but in my experience, things like this are better handled calmly than from a place of emotion or you risk it being labelled as “just” your PPD. And no, you wouldn’t be the Ahole.
He gave a false diagnosis with no testing. That alone ought to be enough.
NTA and please do report him.
He could have destroyed your relationship and family with that less than subtle accusation!
NTA Do every woman who follows you in that doctor's office a favour and report him. He's going to get someone hurt, if he hasn't already. Not to mention, he gave bad medical advice as well.
hiddenidenxo (OP)
Never even thought about that but what a fantastic point to make! He doesn’t know what happens behind closed doors.
He should absolutely be reported. Report everything in detail to your doctor, whatever practice he is from, and the medical board. Also report him to the hospital he has privileges at.
Your baby was at the hospital for 6 days. There is something known as Nosocomial Infection, which is an infection acquired at a hospital. Hospitals are full of sick people and lots of germs. Someone probably touched your baby without changing gloves.