'AITA for rolling my eyes when my SIL accused me of wanting to sabotage her wedding?'
"AITA for rolling my eyes when my SIL accused me of wanting to sabotage her wedding?"
ManufacturerVivid12
My brother "Jim" (45m) and his wife Liz (42f) got married 10 years ago. Jim had already been married before and lost his first wife to a brain aneurysm three years before Jim and Liz married.
Jim and his first wife had two kids together who are now grown, Kit (20m) and Dawn (18f). The kids were not happy about the marriage. At the time there was a lot of family bickering and stress because the kids did not want to be in the wedding but Liz wanted to be a happy family and Jim tried to keep her out of how the kids felt.
Although I (40m) know, without any doubt, that she knew the kids were unhappy and didn't like it. They expressed this sentiment in front of her when I was present. And she was very quick to try and bribe the kids with certain outfits or cakes or whatever to make them go along with it.
Not that it worked but she tried. But Jim did keep her in the dark too because he didn't want her to call it off. Some of us tried to step in and encourage them to let the kids decide while others said the kids needed to be in the wedding and would be punished if not.
When the wedding day actually came Liz and Jim got their wish... but then Dawn puked on Liz in the middle of the ceremony and destroyed the dress and got some in Liz's hair. Jim knew Kit and Dawn had planned it. He knew it wasn't some accident. Liz didn't know this and blamed family members for letting it happen.
The tone was very much set from that point on. The kids never warmed up to Liz and she always held some resentment toward everyone really, for her one wedding day not being perfect. And also because Dawn wouldn't let Liz take care of her after it happened which Liz felt showed her up in front of everyone.
A few months ago Liz learned the whole truth about that incident and was so hurt that the kids had done it intentionally. She wasn't really mad at Jim at all. But once the hurt wasn't as fresh she was mad at the kids for doing it and for keeping her at a distance ever since.
When the kids said they still didn't like her and had no regrets about it she expected everyone in the family to ignore Kit and Dawn's existence. Which I have not done. Other family members haven't ignored them either but Liz is mad at me more than anyone.
She apparently blamed me most of all for the wedding incident and she came to tell me about it and said I should have chosen her side vs theirs and by not doing so it showed I had wanted to sabotage her wedding.
I rolled my eyes when she accused me of that because I wasn't in charge of Kit and Dawn. Seeing me roll my eyes left her furious and she said it was further proof that it was an intentional sabotage by me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ValuableMine9
NTA, so if my math is right, the kids were 8 and 10 when the wedding happened? I get that her feelings are hurt that Dawn threw up on her intentionally, but it's completely unreasonable to expect anyone to cut contact over something that occurred 10 years ago, when they were literal children. I would have done a lot more than roll my eyes at that accusation.
notyoureffingproblem
Not only that but she's is telling her in-laws to cut their niece and nephew, for her... she's delusional.
Shadow4summer
NTA. Parents entering second marriages with children really need to talk to their kids before jumping into things. They also need to listen to what their children are telling them.
ManufacturerVivid12 (OP)
Listening would solve a lot of problems. But some parents find it easier, more convenient or just don't care enough to listen, and bury their heads in the sand.
dart1126
NTA. I really wish instead of rolling your eyes at her, that you threw up on her instead….
jazzyma71
NTA. Question? How does an 8 year old make herself throw up? If it was induced (i.e. ipecac syrup) she wouldn’t have stopped after one time. It would have been all day.
ManufacturerVivid12 (OP)
There are a couple of things Dawn doesn't like eating and does sometimes puke if she tries it. That is our best guess as to the how.
jazzyma71
So during the wedding as she was up on the alter, or before they went down the aisle? I’m sorry, but the kid in me finds this hysterical. Apparently the puke wasn’t enough to stop the wedding so SIL needs to get over herself. Your eye rolling was 100% reasonable.