'AITA for ruining my sister’s proposal by telling everyone the truth?'
"AITA for ruining my sister’s proposal by telling everyone the truth?"
So, I (20F) was home for Christmas, and my sister Kaylee (26F) got engaged to her boyfriend Jake (28M). It happened during Christmas dinner at my grandma’s cabin, and everyone was so emotional tears, clapping, the whole vibe. Except it wasn’t as perfect as Kaylee made it seem.
Two days before the proposal, Jake came to me freaking out. Turns out, Kaylee gave him an ultimatum: propose by the end of the year, or she’d leave him. She even bought her own ring and handed it to him, telling him to use it. Jake wasn’t ready and clearly felt trapped. I told him it sounded super messed up, but he said he didn’t know what else to do.
At dinner, Jake got on one knee, and Kaylee acted totally shocked. She kept going on about how “surprised” she was, and I couldn’t hold it in. I said, “Surprised? You literally forced him and gave him the ring.” Jake looked relieved, but Kaylee started crying and stormed out. Now my whole family is mad at me for “ruining her big moment.”
Jake privately thanked me, but Kaylee won’t speak to me, and my mom says I’m an AH for embarrassing her in front of everyone. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You just saved him from being married to a narcissist, good on you!
Thank you, have to do what’s best!!
Absolutely! You might’ve just saved him from a lifetime of emotional manipulation. It’s not really a “big moment” if it’s built on lies. Kaylee’s behavior was way out of line, and you had every right to speak the truth. Honestly, better to deal with the fallout now than later, right?
It’s definitely a huge red flag. If she’s willing to manipulate him into marriage, imagine how she’ll handle conflicts down the line. This was a brave move on your part!
I mean if he doesn’t want to marry her he can always break up with her. It’s not like she put a gun to his head. She made it as easy as she could’ve for him so he wouldn’t have any excuses. He could’ve told her the truth and said I don’t wanna marry you cause I’m not ready and then she can break up with him. What’s the point of proposing if you don’t want to?
Also OP should’ve told Jake that if he doesn’t want to propose then he shouldn’t and he should be honest with her sister, instead of saying all that during the proposal. ESH
Ultimatums are the death knell of relationships. The relationship is already over if you have to give one.
ESH. You: For not speaking to Kaylee privately. Do you like humiliating your sister publicly? Is this revenge of some sort or were you jealous? I just don’t know what was to be gained from doing this in front of others.
Even if Jake came to you with his concerns, you should have told him to speak with Kaylee to work things out or break up. Now for Kaylee and likely a few of your family members, you’re the person who ruined her sister’s proposal and Kaylee doesn’t have to take responsibility for trying to force one.
Kaylee: For trying to force someone to propose when he’s clearly not ready. That’s such an asshole move. Do she really want to be with someone who has to be threatened to marry her?
Jake: For being a spineless coward and going through with a proposal he didn’t want to make.