'AITA for 'ruining' my bf’s birthday dinner because I didn’t expect to pay for everyone?'
"AITA for 'ruining' my bf’s birthday dinner cause I didn’t accepted to pay for everyone?"
I (20F) have been dating my bf “Ryan“ (21M) for about a year. For his birthday this year, I wanted to do something special, so I told him I’d take him out to a nice dinner. Just the two of us and I’d cover the bill.
He was super excited and agreed. So I made a reservation at a nice restaurant, put on a nice dress and was so excited to see his reaction. When I got there, I was surprised to see that Ryan had invited his best friend who also arrived with his gf. He hadn’t mentioned anything about them coming. I was caught off guard but thought why not having a nice couple dinner.
The whole time his best friend and his gf ordered a ton of appetizers and multiple drinks each. I started panicking a little because I realized this bill was going to be way more than I’d planned for.
Toward the end Ryan leaned over and said, “Don’t forget, you said you’d cover it.” I told him I agreed to pay for his dinner cause of his birthday and not for another couple, I didn’t even knew was coming. He said it’s "rude" to invite people to dinner and not pay for them.
At this point I already thought wtf wrong with you and told him it’s ruder to invite people to a dinner that someone else is paying for without telling them first. I already had the feeling to explode out of anger so I just went quite and waited for the waiter to finally pay.
When the check came, I paid for my meal and his and told his buddy that he should cover the bill for himself and his gf. Both looked at me as if I had insulted them in some way, saying I embarrassed them in front of the server. In addition to that Ryan even called me "cheap" and said I ruined his birthday.
All this happened last Saturday and since then he’s been giving me the cold shoulder and just answered my messages with insulting me for "embarrassing" him in front of his friend. Now I'm thinking about breaking up because he is not talking to me since one week already even though I wanted to apologize. Maybe some of you got any advice for me?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I wish you hadn’t paid and just left. Or just paid for your own food and left. He’s using you. He’s a nasty, freeloading user. Now he’s trying to guilt you into thinking you should have paid for his bloody friends.
You’ve got to be kidding me. DO NOT see him again. He is NOT a good person. He’s an absolute jerk. Tell him that. You deserve better. You’ll meet better. Don’t settle for absolute jerks.
NTA - you agreed to cover him not any add ons. He is way out of lone calling you cheap.
dreamingblondie (OP)
yes i think so too i thought we would spend a nice romantic evening together but he just invites his friend with his girlfriend ._.
Don't apologise and break up with him, it won't get any better from now on, NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend, his friend, and his friends girlfriend are shitty and you need to reevaluate whether or not your boyfriend cares about you or if he is using you because that was very rude and presumptuous on all 3 of their parts. Now he isn’t talking to you over it?
Well he has made it pretty clear the only part about you he cares about which is clearly the part that financially benefits him and his friends. Eff em all you’re better off now. You’re too young to waste time on people who treat you like that.
dreamingblondie (OP)
Thank you for your perspective it really helped. You’re right, his behavior was disrespectful, and it feels like he and his friends took advantage of me. I wanted to make his birthday special, but instead, he called me “cheap” and hasn’t spoken to me since. I realize now I shouldn’t waste my time on someone who doesn’t value me. It’s time to focus on myself and find someone who treats me better.
Older person who has eaten out for many many meals. With friends and without. What you BF did was 100% wrong and very rude. His friends were just as bad or worse. NTA, and you really should break up. Trust me, if a young man likes you, he wouldn't treat you like this.
dreamingblondie (OP)
Thank you for sharing your perspective it means a lot coming from someone with more life experience. I’m starting to realize just how wrong and disrespectful his behavior was, and his friends were no better. You’re right if he truly cared about me, he wouldn’t have treated me like this. I think breaking up might be the best choice.
NTA YOU didn’t invite other. He did. He’s TAH.
dreamingblondie (OP)
Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel. I didn’t invite anyone else—he did, without even telling me. It’s so frustrating that he’s acting like I’m in the wrong when he put me in such an uncomfortable position. I’m starting to see that he’s the one who crossed the line, not me.
NTA. It's fair to set boundaries, and Ryan should have communicated better. His reaction is unfair, and it might be worth reconsidering the relationship if he continues to dismiss your feelings.
Ryan is right, it is rude to invite people and not pay for them. But that’s what HE did, not you. And honestly, unless Ryan promised dinner would be paid for, it is rude of them to assume they didn’t have to pay. On top of that, it sounds like they splurged on excessive appetizers and drinks in a way that would be rude even if you had offered to pay for their dinner. You’re the only person in this story who is NTA.