'AITA for 'ruining Easter' after my estranged sister and my ex husband showed up?'
"AITA for 'ruining Easter' after my estranged sister and my ex husband showed up?"
I 37f have been with my husband 40 for 9 years, married for 4. We have a 7 year old together and a 3 year old. I know I should not care but I’ve always been upset by the betrayal and I do not care about my ex or my sister.
My ex husband and I were highschool sweethearts we got together our senior year, we stayed together til we were 24. I got pregnant and had a sleeping baby, it was drastic I was depressed for months, lost my job, and drank and my ex husband blamed me for it and in no way tried to get me help.
I found out during this time that my husband had been sleeping with my younger sister and they’d been during my whole pregnancy. I left him, they got together. They ended up having 4 kids. I haven’t talked to my sister since.
This Easter we went to my parents house, my two brothers were there with their kids and my parents and cousins. My parents kept delaying the egg hunt and dinner and I couldn’t figure out why til my sister and my ex husband pulled up with all their kids.
My sister attempted to introduce me as “auntie” to her children as if nothing happened and I stopped her and said “don’t even talk to me.” I went to find my kids and husband as she followed me, and my parents were trying to stop us from leaving saying they invited them assuming enough time had passed and knew I would never agree.
Long story short, I called my sister a raging 3h0r3 in front of her little family and my family then drove off. Since this happened I have been receiving calls from my family saying how that was wrong to do in front of her children and how I need to grow up and get on with my life and how time has passed.
Even going as far as to reach out to my husband. My husband took my side of course, and my one brother. My mom even went as far as to say I upset everyone and ruined Easter by my behavior. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You built a beautiful new life after they betrayed you during your darkest moment. Your sister and ex husband hurt you while you were grieving your baby and dealing with depression, and your parents' ambush was damn disrespectful. Moving forward with life doesn't mean letting toxic people back in just because time passed.
NTA. The worst part of all of this was that your parents didn't respect you enough to tell you ahead of time of what was happening and then ambushed you in front of everyone else, hoping you wouldn't make a big scene in front of family. It was not for them to determine if it had been long enough.
Now they want to do about morals? Your sister boinked your ex husband????? Anyone saying “why are you still mad” I’m sure you don’t give a f about your ex husband now.
However you do not need to forgive your sister!! That’s the bed she laid in but she doesn’t want to lay in it because she wants to have her cake and eat it too!!! Auntie my ass! That betrayal is one of the worse. Ignore everybody!
NTA. Your mother ruined Easter. She knew exactly what she was doing. I've gone through this with my mother and a sister I no longer communicate with. She had my daughter for vacation in the summer, I went to pick her up and surprisingly my sister was there. I lost my mind and went off on my mother. She was told if she ever pulled that again, I would be done with her too. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
NTA. You did move on. Part of that moving on was moving on from having a relationship with your sister and/or your ex. It is wildly inappropriate for your parents and your sister to spring a "reconciliation" on you, and absolutely delusional to get mad at you because you didn't forgive and forget on the timeline they chose for you without your knowledge or consent.
"Mom, you took an action with literally zero regard for how I would feel about it, so you're the one responsible for any 'upset' anyone is feeling. In fact, I am done talking about this until you apologize." (If it were me I would actually say "I am done talking to you until you apologize.")
Of course you're NTA. Your sister betrayed you in the worst way; and your parents betrayed you by not giving you a heads up so you could remove yourself from the situation before she got there. I'd go very low contact with your parents until they understand that no amount of time is going to make you want to be around a person who betrayed you so completely.
She might be their family, but she is no longer yours and if they can't respect that then they shouldn't be in your life anymore. Frankly, she's lucky you used your words. There's nothing her kids heard that wasn't true.
No, you didn't ruin anything. Your family tried to make their lives easier by disregarding you and your feelings. That was not OK. 2 people you should have been able to rely on broke your trust, and you found this out during a traumatic time. Your family do not get to decide how long is long enough, only you do.
When your family call you, maybe remind them you had you been aware / given the choice, you may have reacted in a different manner. I would also suggest you ask them what an appropriate reaction was given the situation you were you? Would they have calmly sat down and had a meal after being forced in that situation.
Maybe the parents should have considered their children before they brought them into the house. OP, I'm honestly angry on your behalf and am disgusted by the family members putting this on you. You are NTA.
Ps, I'm so glad you found a supportive partner.