'AITA for ruining my best friend’s wedding and likely our decades long friendship?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for ruining my best friend’s wedding and likely our decades long friendship?"
So this happened just a few days ago and I’m still feeling guilty over what happened. This weekend was my best friend Christian’s (30m) wedding, and I (30m) had the honor of being the best man.
Christian and I have been best friends for almost 20 years - he was the best man at my own wedding, our wives are close too, all that good stuff. The night of the rehearsal dinner arrives, everyone’s ready to have a great time.
Then, about 10 minutes into the event, I look over and notice that my wife (Jasmine, 30f) is shaking and talking in a panic about something to one of the other bridesmaids. I walk over to see what’s up, and the bridesmaid tells me she just witnessed Christian’s dad Robert (50s m) walk up to my wife and rub her a$$ multiple times.
Then he says to Jasmine (loud enough for the other bridesmaid and her 10-year-old daughter to hear, mind you), essentially, “I get to touch you now because it’s my son’s wedding.” I’m 20 feet away, Robert’s wife is 20 feet away, Christian is 20 feet away - didn’t seem to stop Robert though.
I immediately see red, but my wife begs me not to do anything. Let me tell you that in over a decade together with Jasmine, I’ve never once allowed something like this to just slide, and frankly, there’s been hardly anyone who had the balls to disrespect my wife at all while I’m around.
I’m trying my best not to walk up and deck the guy as hard as I can. If he weren’t my best friend’s dad and it wasn’t a wedding, I’d 100% have ended up in jail for doing something violent.
Mind you, I’ve known Robert about as long as I’ve known Christian - always thought he was cool before this, maybe this old dude thought that meant we were cool enough that he could ass#$lt my wife whenever he wants. Finally I lose my cool and walk up to Robert who’s nearby kind of by himself. I put my arm around him and say, “hey Robert - no more of that s#$t.”
He plays dumb at first, acting like he doesn’t know what I mean. So I repeat myself - “you know what I’m talking about. No more of that sh#$.” Finally he seems to get it, stutters some kind of “okay,” and we go our separate ways.
Imo it should have stopped there. Unfortunately, it seems some of Robert’s family may have overheard what happened. All of a sudden, rumors are flying all across the wedding - people know something happened. People are giving my wife dirty looks as Robert and his wife disappear for hours (presumably to fight).
Whatever, we get through rehearsal night. Then, the next morning, as people are getting ready, Robert approaches me alone and tries to give me a little “we cool?” fist bump. It’s been less than 12 hours since it happened at this point - so I tell him flat out, no, we’re not cool. Still, he doesn’t get the picture.
Hour later while the bridesmaids are getting ready, he approaches me again and asks “Where’s Jasmine? She getting dressed right now?” I see red again immediately and say “don’t f#$king talk about her.” He gets all offended and walks away. Luckily this was my last direct interaction with him for the weekend.
Of course though, Robert then decides it’s time to go find my wife (again while I’m not there) and “try to apologize.” Jasmine just says “get away from me.” FINALLY Robert gets it - we don’t want apologies, we want to be left alone. Still, the vibe is off the rest of the time. Robert is sulking, his wife is giving Jasmine dirty looks, and Christian’s entire family are whispering every time we’re around.
It eventually apparently got back to Christian - he never talked to me about what happened, never checked in to see if my wife was okay (for reference I would defend HIS new wife to the grave if anyone ever tried the same shit with her). The kicker was at the end of the weekend, he said goodbyes to everyone but Jasmine and I.
Seems pretty clear to me he’s chosen sides, and we haven’t spoken since. Should I have just let it slide? 5% of me says yes for the sake of peace and my friendship with Christian, but 95% of me also says I stopped something worse from happening (reminder that the guy couldn’t keep his hands to himself for more than 10 minutes into the rehearsal).
TL;DR; confronted my best friend’s Dad after he openly SAed my wife at a wedding, it ruined the whole vibe of the wedding, and I seem to have lost my best friend
AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
forgetregret1day wrote:
If he ever brings it up again or your friend does and asks what they can do to fix it, tell them the only thing that will work is full and public accountability by that filthy predator.
You and your wife are being seen as the bad guys when you did nothing wrong. If he can’t take responsibility for what he did and publicly apologize, it’s worthless. I give you credit for showing restraint. He deserved a punch in the face. NTA.
[deleted] wrote:
Your wife's safety and well being come first, always. His actions were unacceptable s#$ual ass-ult, and anyone excusing it, including your friend, is wrong.
OP responded:
Thank you - I needed to hear this honestly.
Turbulent-Muffin6142 wrote:
NTA you didn’t ruin anything, creepy old man did. I understand your friend is in an odd position. Maybe talk it out when some time has passed, or move on. You are fine either way. Honestly based on his behavior he would’ve 100% escalated things with your wife had you not intervened.
OP responded:
That was my worry, and if not my wife, then someone else. There were plenty of young women at the wedding, some of them still basically kids. I shudder to think what else may have happened. You are right though, I am hoping Christian is just trying to figure things out and hasn’t totally abandoned our friendship, but we’ll see.
Icy_engineering8266 wrote:
Oh I feel so bad for everyone involved (excluding Robert and his Wife). The dad ruined your friends /his son’s wedding by being inappropriate and that is truly sad. I hope your friend knows the truth and can make amends. I’m honestly wondering if your friend feels embarrassed and ashamed.
Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.
EDIT: Appreciate you all so much, this is making me realize the position my friend is in is likely extremely awkward and that we need to have a conversation. At the wedding itself I really wanted nothing to get back to him/ ruin the wedding which is why we haven't talked about it (we all just got home last night).
Jasmine and Christian's wife are meeting up for usual drinks tomorrow night, and Jasmine has resolved to tell her everything (they are very close, so I am sure Christian's wife will believe my wife - that being said, I'm not sure where things will ultimately fall).
In the meantime / coming days, I do have to come up with a way to reach out to Christian - I want to keep the friendship if I can for sure, we've been through honestly everything together.
Two days later, OP shared another update.
Alright guys, thank you again to everyone who gave me advice - you're all strangers and yet you couldn't have been kinder to me in a trying time. For your sake I wish I could say this one has a more interesting ending, but most of you were right.
Christian is disgusted by his dad and is fully on Jasmine and I's side. We're still bros, and he apologized profusely to my wife when she stopped over to meet up with his wife.
We've spoken since and all is good now, who knows how Christian's relationship with Robert will go from here on out, but all things considered I'm fine with where things landed. Sorry for anyone expecting more drama, but I'm just glad to have my brother back. TL;DR; my buddy is a good guy, and we're all good.
The comments kept coming.
Infinite_Hat2651 wrote:
Great news! Out of curiosity though, as Christian hadn’t even said goodbye to you and your wife as well as his mum giving Jasmine dirty looks, what was the actual rumour being spread around because it sounds like something framing Jasmine as the bad guy went around!
OP responded:
He was embarrassed and sad from what I understand, that’s all. Tbh he’s like a little brother to me, I get it would have been hard to confront me
[deleted] wrote:
I am glad he understands the full story and stands by you and your wife.
Significant_Bed_293 wrote:
Communication is key! I am happy for all of you, congrats on buddy's wedding, and F#$K ROBERT!