'AITA for lying saying I never had a lipoma then bringing up the asker's affair partner?' UPDATED

"AITA for lying saying I never had a lipoma then bringing up the asker's affair partner?"

Spare_Dimension_2768

I(36m) had a Lipoma on my head for about 15 years. I always wished it wasn't there. It didn't hurt, but it caused problems. For example I was on a fishing trip, one of the guys noticed it, thought it was a bump, he asked how I got it, I didn't know.

I don't think anything caused it to be there, it just grew. He wouldn't shut up about it, in the end I told him I was swimming and hit the side of the pool, he laughed thinking that was funny, told my father I'd managed to make him laugh, then left it. I was just relieved that he'd finally shut up about it. He wouldn't accept the truth that it was just there so I told him that to get him to shut up.

Hey, if somebody has a lump on their head, they'd probably prefer if people either didn't notice it or pretend they didn't. Just like a lazy eye, you wouldn't go up to somebody, "Hey, what happened to your eye?" Would you?

It kept growing over the years, It had been pretty well covered by my hair but it was starting to show. My sister noticed it shortly before it was removed, saying she always knew it was there but it was never that visible until now.

My parents are split up, I live with my father. When I was 35, one day my mother came into my office while I was playing GW2 and said that for my 36th birthday she was wanting to pay to have the lipoma removed. I agreed to this. Had it removed, the Doctor did a good job, cut it out, stitched it up, and now the scarring is pretty much gone.

So recently my father's friend was visiting with her daughter, Her daughter, (22NB) has discovered a lump on their head. They were talking about it when I came in and their mother said, "Don't worry, Spare_Dimension_2768 has a lump on his head, don't you?"

Now, for some context the woman who was visitting is known as the town's biggest gossip. And also there are rumours about her cheating on her husband. There was a guy who was helping her with a project, we'll call him Garry, and another guy who can only be described as the village idiot, we'll call him Neil.

Also, I'd never brought it up to her, there are 6 people who I've talked about it with, the guy on the fishing trip although I didn't want to then, my parents, my sister and my best friend just before I got it removed, he actually said he'd never noticed it.

So I replied, "No I don't."

They said they'd seen it so I leaned my head forward to let them check, and lo and behold, there was no Lipoma.

"You had one I saw it." I replied "Are you taking something that effects your brain? There's nothing on my head and never was. Are you thinking of someone else?"

They continued to insist it was me.

I told them, "Look, let's imagine if hypothetically somebody, not me because you have checked my head and found nothing, somebody had a lump on their head. I imagine that this hypothetical person might be sensitive about this lump.

They'd hope people wouldn't notice it, and if they did, I imagine they'd wish that people would pretend they hadn't. Now imagine some idiot kept probing them about it, they might not like that.

Let's imagine that the idiot was standing in a glass house, I imagine that this hypothetical person might warn them to stop throwing stones." She told me she'd seen a lump on my head. She'd had her warning to stop throwing stones from her glass house so I asked. "How was Neil in bed?"

She got annoyed and denied that being true, so I asked, "How does he compare to Garry?" She continued to deny so I told her, "Well, like most of [Town's Name] I have heard the rumours. If you ever want to talk about an imaginary lump on my head that clearly isn't there again, I'll want to talk about those rumours of you and Neil and Garry."

My father told me I'd been rude to his guests, I said that the Lipoma had effected my self esteem for years and now I just want to go on as if it was never there. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Dragon_Bidness

NTA. Forget them if they can't take a hint.

Silvermorney

Literally this. Good luck OP.

OutAndDown27

Ok so this lady's daughter has a lump on her head, her mother mentioned that you had a similar condition in order to reassure her daughter not to be scared, and you responded by... gaslighting her because she had the audacity to have seen a visible part of your body?

Because you're self-conscious about it even though it's no longer an issue for you, you accused her of taking drugs and then discussed her rumored affair, in front of her daughter? You're mad she kept insisting but she kept insisting because you were literally gaslighting her. I agree that you need therapy. ESH.

AmishAngst

ESH. What is wrong with the whole lot of you? Someone should get your town's water checked for lead.

LentilLovingBitch

Idk how to even classify this but Jesus dude you need therapy. It was a lipoma not an STD, people aren’t judging you when they ask about it. You’re not required to disclose your medical history but being THIS bent out of shape over a lipoma (that you don’t even have any more) at your age is nuts.

It’s insane to think that removing it will make people forget that it existed and never bring it up again. I say this as someone who literally had a lipoma on my head I had to get surgically removed. Your reaction here is abnormal.

AlpineLad1965

Why not just admit that you had it removed? Then you could have made the (22nb) feel that there was hope. Instead, you straight up lied about it.

rug-bug

ESH I get being so angry about your Lipoma, and I do think in this situation you are allowed to go off a little bit, but also you shouldn’t have lied about it. I think in that situation you should’ve just maybe said, “yeah I did in the past, but I thankfully got it removed” and then use that fact to relate to the 22 year old, make them feel less terrible then how they probably feel already.

The woman really should’ve been more sensitive about the topic, but you shouldn’t have lied and turned it into a toxic screaming match.

Later OP updated their post:

As some have guessed, this didn't actually happen. Well it's part real, part fake. More trying to think what I would do in this situation.

So facts.

The lipoma was real, the surgery was real. The scarring is pretty much gone.

My dad being friends with the local gossip, true.

Gary and Nail, real.

The rumours of Gary and Nail... Well I don't know. The rumours are there, are they true? I wouldn't put it past her. Two totally unrelated guys claiming to have had an affair with her, is that a good sign? Why would one even.

She has four kids, 22NB was the youngest. None have lipomas that I've heard of. I don't know if she's seen mine, I am pretty sure if one of them got a lump she'd talk to my dad, my dad would mention I had one and she'd want to talk to me about it.

Something that is relevant to my solution. This serial cheat offers amateur couples counselling for $100 per hour.

So I've decided. If any of them ever get a lipoma and she wants to enlist me to talk to them, this is what I've decided.

I will say, "I don't have a lump on my head and if you wish to discuss my medical history with me it will cost you $120 per hour. Based on your counceling rates I think that's a bargain." Hey, a serial cheat councelling couples vs somebody who has really had a lipoma telling somebody about it. I'd say that's fair.

I won't bring up Gary and Nail as the reason that my rate of $120PH would be a bargain, I'll simply repeat the sentence, "I don't have a lump on my head and if you wish to discuss my medical history with me it will cost you $120 per hour. Based on your counceling rates I think that's a bargain."

I hated having that lump, I don't want to talk to others about it, Hey, I've decided, I won't gaslight as people have called it. I personally think there is good gaslighting and bad gaslighting, well let's not say good, but acceptable gaslighting.

Bad gaslighting example: I've worked in an arcade, somebody was deserate to buy a toy out of the claw machine, This was adults. Anyway the next day they said, "You told us you'd sell us that toy for 1000 tickets." 1: That's not allowed. 2: 1000 tickets is a pitiful ammount for a claw machine prize. 3: I never did say that.

So yeah, they were trying to gaslight me to do something that would get me in trouble. Another form of bad gaslighting, Unlocking the door then telling a colleague, "You left that unlocked!" Gaslighting to try to make somebody question their own competence or get them in trouble.

I'd say acceptable gaslighting is more something that is your own business. The lump was none of anyone else's business. Hey, i remember in school, at one point a girl had a spot on her nose. One day she came in and it was gone, a guy said, "What happened to the spot on your nose Linda?"

She acted like she had no idea what he was talking about. Hey, it wasn't his business to know, she was probably just glad it was gone, hey she wasn't the first teenager in the world to get a spot, it probably went away on it's own. Anyway, it's nobody else's business. She wants to act like she never had it I say good for her.

I'll read if anyone can explain why that isn't acceptable gaslighting. So anyway, that is how I think I should handle it if I'm ever asked, Say I don't have a lump on my head, that's true, I don't have a lump on my head now and isn't gaslighting. It's not saying I never did, just that I dont now.

But say that if they wish to discuss my medical history they'll need to pay $120ph up front. (If a serial cheat thinks her couples counselling is worth $100ph, then I'd be offering a bargain. But I'll leave that part out, well maybe if they really push me to talk without wanting to pay.)

So yeah. Based on what's been said, I think that is the best way I can handle this situation should it ever arise.