'AITA for saying no to my sister and her family staying with us after a house fire?'
"AITA for saying no to my sister and her family staying with us after a house fire?"
Visual-Custard4208
My sister and her family lost their family home in a house fire three weeks ago. It happened in the middle of the night and initially stayed with our parents on night one.
But our parents have a 1 bedroom house and space was not optimal for that. So they asked if they could stay with my wife and I and our kids. We said no. We said no for mostly one reason but kinda two.
For about 2.5/3 years now my sister has been so tough on my wife when it comes to what she/we feed our kids. She focuses on my wife far more than me. But it does come back on me too.
We don't keep sugar or junk food from our kids. We don't deprive them of that. We simply keep things balanced. We make veggie pancakes, we make healthier pizzas, we allow snacks like chocolate, ice cream or cake, we offer our kids sauces and not all of them are homemade but some are.
My sister is so judgmental about it. She didn't let any of her kids have any kind of junk snack until they reached school and they can only eat something like chocolate at birthday parties and they limit the number of those they can attend in close proximity so they don't get two days of junk food in a week or more than three days of junk food a month.
My sister or her husband will also stay at parties, even ones the 10 year old is invited to, to make sure they go for the salad over the pizza if they have the chips and candies.
My sister acts like our kids eating a chocolate treat or a few chips is the end of the world. She was especially horrified to find out we gave our kids fries with tacos one night and that another night we gave chicken bites with potato cakes and not plain chicken once the potato cakes were involved.
Veggies were included both times but the idea of two less "clean" foods horrifies her. My SIL (wife's sister) is a pediatric dietician and she loves how we feed our kids. She told my sister that once. And my sister was horrified by my SILs profession.
This has all become such a problem that it has become my sister disrespecting my wife. So we see her far less. I don't like that. We used to be close. But I won't allow her to walk all over my wife over a difference in how we see things. Oh, and she also doesn't like that our kids get bread with soup.
So when my sister asked if they could stay with us I said no. She told me they really wanted to stay with family instead of at some hotel or strange rental and I told her they would all be happier there when she would be so bothered by the food my wife and I feed our kids.
But I also wasn't going to let her stay and disrespect my wife in our home. My sister has been furious with me since then. She told me I took things way too far. I told her she's been going way too far for almost 3 years now. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
yellowbellybluejay
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your wife and kids. She would give your kids all eating disorders if she lives with you.
The OP responded here:
Visual-Custard4208
I can only imagine how awful she'd be to my SIL when she visits as well. Because my wife and her sister are very close and she's at our house a lot. My sister has already made disparaging comments to SIL re her job and her views/advice.
Skyscrapers4Me
NTA! Your sister is a control freak and it is far better that she stay in an environment where she can do her controll freaky thing. Your home is not the place for that. I can just imagine how she would start dictating what you are feeding your kids because she doesn't want her kids to have to watch your kids get goodies.
Then she would move to eating in different locations at different times of day so that her kids wouldn't see or smell it or whatever, so at that point she might as well be living in a different environment anyway right?!!!
The OP again responded:
Visual-Custard4208
Yep. I can imagine her picking fights with my wife, criticizing my wife in front of our kids. She would probably throw a few tantrums if her kids wanted what our kids had. I see so much room for it to be miserable and unhealthy.
SadFlatworm1436
Oh my God…you give your kids bread with soup …GASP! Absolutely NTA your lives would be miserable if your sister moved in.
mlc885
NTA. Her maybe sorta weird food choices have nothing to do with it, you cannot house a family indefinitely. Their insurance should be covering this. If she and your mom and dad all want her and her family to be homeless then that does suck, but you aren't a free house.
Peony-Pony
NTA Your sister and brother in law have homeowners insurance. It should cover temporary accommodations. She may not like her options but they have choices that will not inconvenience family by camping out in their home because it's her preference.
jac0209
I'm a big believer in the saying "you made your bed and now you can sleep in it". Your sister now has to accept the unpleasant results of what she has done the past few years. Maybe this will teach her going forward to keep her opinions to herself and be kinder to people. NTA.