'Selfish' bride refuses to let her parents dictate the wedding guest list, 'it's a family celebration.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my parents dictate my wedding guest list after they invited people I’ve cut off?"
I (28F) am getting married to my fiancé, and we’ve been planning for months. It’s supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but lately, it’s been nothing but stress. My parents have been very involved, which I initially appreciated, but it’s gotten out of hand.
They’ve started dictating who should and shouldn’t be on the guest list, even though I’ve made it clear that I want a small, intimate wedding with only people I’m comfortable with.
The real problem started when they insisted on inviting distant relatives I haven’t spoken to in years, including an aunt and uncle who emotionally abused me as a child. I’ve cut ties with them for my own mental health, but my parents won’t accept it. They’re furious that I want to exclude them and are making me feel like I’m being unreasonable.
It didn’t stop there. They’ve also tried to add family friends I’ve never been close to and who I don’t want at my wedding. I explained that I didn’t feel comfortable with these additions, but my mom has been crying, saying I’m ruining the family reputation.
She keeps saying, “It’s not just your wedding, it’s a family celebration.” Meanwhile, my dad is saying that I’m being selfish and that I’m “only thinking about myself.” I’m torn because I want to stand my ground, but I’m feeling incredibly guilty. They’ve done so much for me over the years, but at the same time, I feel like this is *my* day and that I should have the right to choose who’s there.
Now, my parents are threatening to pull out of the wedding entirely if I don’t agree to their guest list demands, and I’m left wondering if I’m being too harsh. Should I compromise and let them invite these people, or is it reasonable to want my wedding to reflect my wishes? AITA for refusing to let my parents control my guest list?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
shainnyshai said:
NTA. It’s your wedding, not theirs, and you deserve to feel comfortable on your day. Inviting people who’ve hurt you just to please your parents isn’t fair. Set your boundaries, and if they can’t respect them, that’s on them, not you. Stand your ground!
Sassy-Peanut said:
You have two choices here - suck up the guilt tripping and let your parents have their way - which will result in a wedding you do not want and will probably resent them for going forward or call their bluff and let them spend the money they are holding you hostage to throw a family party to "celebrate'"your marriage at another time.
One they organize and using their guest list. This IS your day - not theirs and you are entiltled to anticipate and enjoy it your way.
WiseOwlPoker said:
NTA. Well, I guess the guest list just got a lot smaller. Don't let your family blackmail you. Only douchebags and scumbags blackmail people. I'm sorry your parents are bunch of scumbags. My advice. Don't ever let anyone blackmail you. Call their bluff and f them whether they're bluffing or not. Best of luck. I hope you have an amazing wedding with no scumbags.
shainnyshai said:
NTA. This is your wedding, and you have every right to set boundaries, especially if it involves people who’ve caused you harm. Your parents are prioritizing their image over your comfort, which isn’t fair. Stand firm; you deserve to have the day reflect what you and your fiancé want.
au5000 said:
NTA. Your wedding your choice. But to flex our decision making muscle we need to be independent emotionally and financially. The first is part of growing into adulthood, the second too but sometimes wedding desires require parental help.
You don’t mention any financial support from your parents….IF they are paying you may unfortunately need to take their views into account. If you prefer not to do that, I applaud you but you’ll have to have the wedding you can afford.
A less complex wedding is often beautiful. Choose autonomy if you can. Thanks parents for the thoughts but say, this is not an extended family fear - it’s our wedding which we are paying for and will not therefore be totally what we two want. Seriously it’s good to start married life as an independent unit and not be beholden to anyone.
MushroomRadiant4647 said:
NTA. OP This is your wedding. Your parents are manipulating you to get their way. It’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life, not theirs. They are hijacking it and making it about them and “the family” when it’s about you your partner and your guys’ love.