'AITA for setting up a camera in my boyfriend’s room to catch his sister stealing my stuff?'
"AITA for setting up a camera in my boyfriend’s room to catch his sister stealing my stuff?"
So, my boyfriend lives with his mom and sister, and since we live close to each other, I used to leave a lot of my stuff at his place to avoid hauling it back and forth all the time. You know, the usual—shampoo, conditioner, skincare, even some clothes.
Over time, I started noticing little things going missing. At first, I thought I was just being forgetful (I have ADHD, so losing track of my stuff isn’t exactly unheard of). But then—THE INCIDENT happened.
I had just bought a brand-new 1-liter bottle of wella conditioner. (Because hair care is serious business.) A week later, almost half of it was gone. Which made zero sense because (1) I had also bought the matching shampoo, and (2) I always use more shampoo than conditioner, yet somehow, the conditioner had vanished at twice the speed.
And within a week, nearly half of it was gone. Now, I use more shampoo than conditioner, and my shampoo bottle (same size) was totally fine. Meanwhile, my boyfriend’s sister, who had previously been complaining about needing to buy conditioner all the time, suddenly…wasn’t.
So, after a few more of my things mysteriously vanished, I decided I needed proof. I set up a camera in my boyfriend’s room, facing the spot where I kept my stuff, and waited. And, oh boy, did I get proof.
Not only did his sister go through my things multiple times, but she also rummaged through my personal bag. Like, straight-up opened it and looked inside. Twice. And who knows how many other times she did it before I caught her on camera?
At this point, my boyfriend and I agreed we needed to confront her. We told his mom first, hoping to handle it…civilly. His mom called his sister into the room, and we showed her the footage. And this girl—with a straight face—lied. To our faces. Even with video evidence.
And then, somehow, I became the bad guy. His mom completely turned the situation against me, saying I had no right to put a camera in their house without her permission. (Right, because catching someone stealing my things is worse than…you know, actually stealing.) Then, because apparently that wasn’t enough, she decided to throw in, “It’s always your trauma and your ADHD, so you’re never wrong.”
I took a deep breath, kept my cool, and said, “I’m gonna leave now because this conversation is no longer rational. But go ahead and make me the villain so you can keep letting your daughter avoid responsibility.” Then I walked out.
His mom never apologized, and I feel bad cause my boyfriend is very emotional and isn’t eating well, he says he doesn’t feel hungry every time, also the way his mom said harmful things to me hurt me a lot. So I’d like to ask you guys, AITA for setting up the camera?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ESH. His mom is right that you have no right to set up a camera in her home. Sister is an ah for stealing and snooping. Boyfriend is an ah for not standing up for you. Honestly all of you sound like you need to grow up.
NTA But don’t go back to their house. When you all move out on your own, never invite the sister over.
nah, invite her over, go through her purse when she's in the restroom and help yourself.
NTA And wella conditioner is expensive too. Honestly proud of your response back to his mom. F that s.
Perks of having a narcissist mother I know how to respond to those situations.
NTA But I advise you to never go to your boyfriend's house again. If he didn't stand up for you while his mother disrespected you, I advise you to break up. You will never be his priority and he will make you feel guilty for defending yourself
He absolutely did, he pointed out everything wrong about the situation and how we wouldn’t have any evidence if it wasn’t for the camera. His sister would’ve denied and I would be the bad guy either way
YTA. Setting up a camera in someone else's house is far worse than some missing conditioner. If money or valuables were going missing, then perhaps NTA. Do you ever use any household consumables whilst you are staying over, or do you bring your own food, toilet paper, electricity
Don't play detective in other people's houses. Don't visit houses where you are not exactly wanted. Keep your possessions where your home is.
The mum is 100% correct. You are just staying there now and then, so you have no right to set up a camera to spy on the occupants. IF you think the sister was stealing you can (1) not leave your stuff there or (2) not stay there. Seriously, using your conditioner and you call that 'stealing'? The police will just laugh at you.