'AITA for 'shaming' my husband's family by bringing my own fancy linens to their house?' UPDATED

"AITA for shaming someone's poverty with my choice?"

I (20/f) recently went to stay with my husband's (25/m) parents for the first time (along with him - we are recently married). We'll be here for 2 more weeks. I'm fortunate to get along with his family really well.

During the course of the visit, I ended up buying myself a specific kind of pillowcase online, to be delivered to me at my in-laws. I have an autoimmune skin condition which is significantly worsened by sleeping on particular fabrics (severe enough to matter; eg, very visible rash + discomfort). The pillowcase was relatively expensive, but I thought it's fine as I could add it into my rotation at home.

My husband was very upset about my purchase and insisted I shouldn't use it. Context: my family is from a somewhat significantly higher economic bracket than my husband's family. It hasn't really caused tensions before, but my husband thought this pillowcase purchase was 1. flaunting my ability to buy something expensive easily 2. shaming his family for their lesser-quality pillowcases.

He suggested I try using some topical medicine if I have an outbreak. I argued that I absolutely would not mind what pillowcase I sleep on, were it not for the skin condition I have, and prefer to use the pillowcase because I find many topical medicines ineffective.

My husband threw the pillowcase away while I was out with MIL, and on waking the next day my face was red and painful. I bought another pillowcase, intending to keep it hidden and pull it out just at bedtime (to minimize potentially offending his parents, and pissing off husband), but he found this one as well and basically told me I should leave his parents' home if I'm too good to sleep on their pillowcases.

I absolutely do not want to upstage his parents' linens or cause them any offense (I like them a lot). I also can't imagine voluntarily enduring skin outbreaks for the next 2 weeks. I feel like I should be standing my ground in this argument, but I also don't want to ruin this holiday with a relatively petty issue. AITA?

Additional info I forgot: I did get a nice pattern which I like (so not the absolutely cheapest pillowcase of this material; it's visibly a "nice" pillowcase).

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

PuzzledArtBean said:

NTA. I would talk to your in-laws, because I'm almost certain they would be horrified by your husband's behavior

Antzdance said:

So your husband would rather you be uncomfortable and rashy while visiting his parents for 2 wks and you think y.t.a? NTA btw

Trippygirl13 said:

NTA your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable beyond comprehension. This is a huge red flag.

HangryRadishA said:

If someone had celiac disease, and needs to buy gluten-free bread which may be more expensive, are they the AH? Nope. No. Never. Likewise, you're NTA for taking care of yourself.

Throwing out a perfectly good (and absolutely helpful!) pillowcase just because he's insecure about his finances is... giving a lot of red flags? It's disrespectful towards you, your condition, and your belongings, AND he's acting like your money does not matter. It's definitely not a petty issue.

TinyRascalSaurus said:

NTA. You're not buying the pillowcase as a status symbol, you're doing it to cope with a medical condition. Healthcare can be expensive no matter what walk of life you come from, and the pillowcase is no different than a person buying a cane or a brace to manage a condition.

Rockinrobynred said:

Does he see your face? What does he say? What does his family say? Get the damn pillowcase!

OP responded:

His parents know I have this condition and were sympathetic - I just mentioned I'd had an outbreak without saying the cause. I am pretty sure they woudn't mind whatever pillowcase I use; so the conflict is moreso with my husband. He is used to my occasional outbreaks by now I guess, so it didn't seem to bother him.

She later shared this update on the situation:

Wow, this became so dramatic. MIL commented again on my outbreak breakfast, my husband was right there so I just said it's usually worse in the morning. MIL asked if it might be the detergent on the bedclothes or the air freshener in the room, and offered to switch brands.

Husband got super annoyed like: "ffs you don't need to go buy her a special detergent, she could use a cream if she wanted to". MIL said anyway she'd be happy to get something if it would help, and husband said that wasn't the case when he was growing up. It became a list of complaints that I had no idea he was silently stewing on.

Apparently I am pretty careless about small purchases. Some listed examples: buying a new pair of nail clippers when I hadn't checked properly for the others, and tending to buy upgrades with purchases which I don't really need. I actually could probably be better with money overall and we clearly relate differently to purchases.

He mentioned some instances of going without when he was growing up which are still troubling him. There was a lot of falsetto imitation of me acting like a diva (which actually made me crack up a bit, it was so OTT).

MIL was just blinking through most of this and I think some of his comments about his childhood hit her hard. When he huffed off I apologised for being the source of drama. She said she also didn't know he was carrying this baggage and said to her memory, the really financially rough periods were limited to a few years in his early teens.

We had a sort of heart to heart about the whole experience and I mentioned at some point that I usually sleep on x material and could just order a pillowcase which she was totally OK with. I didn't mention the conflict about it, as it seemed like she'd had enough negative info for the morning lol.

Husband hasn't come back yet (he went over to FIL's work site for the day) so I don't know how it's going to play, but it's clear now that he has some trauma surrounding finances and it's going to need some real discussion.

I can see it becoming a huge issue down the line as many commenters have said. Thanks to everyone for the feedback and advice. It's been helpful to confirm that I'm not being so petty and should address this whole issue.