"WIBTA for proving my friendship even if it costs my buddy his marriage?"

Here we go - I have been in a group of friends (husbands, wives, kids) for almost 20 years. We started out as a neighborhood group and have grown bigger as our friendships have evolved and most of us have moved out of the original subdivision. We are adults 40-50 years old. The men play golf most every weekend and one evening during the week.

Holidays and birthdays are big get-togethers with sometimes 50 people. I am currently the only unmarried person in the group (divorced in 2011). This is the sticky part.

About 7-8 months ago, one of the women in the group named Cindy, started coming on to me. While flattered, I would never do anything as I like her husband Mike and have know her kids since they were preschoolers. It seemed like a little harmless flirting at first, but then it moved into some very direct propositioning.

She had her reasons for wanting to become involved and put a mild bit of pressure on me to begin an affair with her. One of the ways she pressured me was to text me racy pics and those soon moved to videos. It really put me in an awkward spot and I told her that. My response was that I found her attractive, but she was strictly off limits to me since she was married.

Even if I didn't know her husband - I still would not have done anything. And I didn't. A few months ago, I found out that I had missed a few golf days and I just chalked it up to bad timing. Well....there was a huge 4th get together and I asked around about it and it seemed no one would own up to me not being invited.

Apparently, there have been other events that I didn't know about and I wasn't invited there either. I finally got some answers last night when I ran into a friend and her daughter at the grocery store. She would barely look at me when I spoke to her and her teenage daughter spilled the beans.

Cindy was caught with the racy pics on her phone and "confessed" to Mike that I had put her up to it and was pressuring her to have an affair. Needless to say, I was stunned at this revelation. I thanked her for her honesty and went home and thought about it for a long time.

I have saved every single text and pic. Last night I printed them all out. If I showed Mike 10% of what she said to me and what she sent to me - he might leave her. Meanwhile - I am pushed out of my friend group for doing what I thought was right. I told her at the beginning that this was heading down a road of hurt - but when she got to the painful part, she pushed me under the bus.

What do you think? WIBTA? Or should he show his friends the texts and photos so he knows the truth about his wife?

This is what top commenters had to say:

endlessmelodies1 said:

NTA. She lied to her husband to avoid the consequences. Not okay. Send the texts to him and show him the truth so he can decide what to do.

Topher1999 said:

NTA. You were absolutely set up. Mike will eventually find out his wife goes around, but it will be better if he finds out from a friend he can trust.

StonerTigerMom said:

ESH - you should have told him from the very first picture, but he deserves to have the whole picture, especially if she’s misrepresenting how things went down. He still might not be friends with you out of embarrassment but that won’t be on you.

politicsmodsareweak said:

ESH, you did not do the right thing. You should have told her to stop or you would inform her husband. The first pic she sent you should have immediately blocked her number and informed her husband that his wife wanted to cheat on him. Instead you played along.

You will never "prove" your friendship and you might as well try to find a new friend group because in my experience whoever tells their story first wins among friend groups.

And Chrysoptera said:

Balloon knot today, Satan. NTA. You should've ratted her out to Mike a long time ago.

UPDATE:

I reached out to Mike and he texted me that he never wants to see or talk to me ever again. Some of you have suggested that I reach out to a leader in the group and I have done that - I will be meeting with another couple tonight. She is a gossip, so anything I show her or tell her will be public knowledge two hours after I leave their house. You get what you get.

UPDATE #2:

It turns out that the whole group knows nothing, just a few. Mike and Cindy filed for divorce in January due to his infidelities and tried to keep it private. From my end, everything is good. It turns out that both or them are a$$holes.

Case closed!