Sibling boycotts sister's 'once in a lifetime moment' destination wedding, 'it's just another ceremony.' AITA?
said: "AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding after she didn't come to my graduation?"
So, a bit of background: My sister and I have always had a competitive relationship. Two years ago, when I graduated from my Master's program, she didn't attend because she was on a retreat with her then-fiancé.
It was a big deal for me because I was the first in our family to get a graduate degree, and I really wanted her to be there. I felt hurt, and we had a big argument about it. She said my graduation was "just another ceremony" and that I was being overly sensitive.
Fast forward to now, she's getting married. The problem is, she chose a destination wedding on this very exclusive island, and the cost of attendance is way beyond what I can comfortably afford. I'm talking about several thousand dollars for the weekend. When I told her I might not be able to come, she freaked out and said I was trying to sabotage her special day.
I'm also a bit tight on money because I've been saving up to buy a house. I tried explaining this to her, but she said that I'm being selfish and that I should take out a loan if I have to because it's her "once in a lifetime" moment.
I haven't given her a definitive answer yet, but I'm leaning towards not going. My parents are saying that I should just suck it up and go to keep the peace, but I don't see why I should go into debt for her wedding when she couldn't even drive across town for my graduation. So, AITA for not wanting to go to my sister's wedding?
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
Status-Pattern7539 said:
NTA. Never go in debt for someone else, especially a destination wedding. “I’m sorry I can’t afford that and won’t be attending." Rinse and repeat. Why should YOU have to keep the peace?
It’s not your destination wedding. If anything, your parents want the peace kept then they can pay for you to attend as a gift. You are not selfish, your sister is entitled. Don’t feel bad. After all, it’s just another ceremony.
GlassMotor9670 said:
NTA. Never "keep the peace." It is a phrase used when you are right, but those who use it are unwilling to call out the real arsehole - your sister. Don't put yourself in debt or use savings for a VANITY wedding. Because that's all it is, her ego stroking destination wedding. If she needs you there let her pay for you. Seriously, don't go. Your reasons are 100% valid.
Cannabis_CatSlave said:
Never go into debt for a destination wedding. I say this as someone who had one. You plan to get married outside your families immediate vicinity you have to know that some folks will not be able to afford it. Unless she is going to pay for you to be there, feel no guilt in skipping it. NTA.
Ok_Remote_1036 said:
NTA. If your sister wanted to prioritize having everyone attend her wedding, she would have either made the wedding more accessible or offered to pay for her guests.
Part of selecting an expensive destination wedding is knowing that not everyone will choose to attend. I wouldn't bring up the graduation topic, that makes you seem petty and is unrelated to whether you can afford to attend her wedding.
3Heathens_Mom said:
NTA. As your sister said this is HER big day. If she wanted the majority of people to attend then she should have had a local wedding.
Destination weddings are nice but everyone you invite isn’t going to attend something that costs a couple grand per person to attend. I’d just RSVP nope, send a gift only if you want to and can afford it and call it good.
FYI some destination weddings the bride and groom get freebies the more people who attend. Not sure this is your sister’s situation.
Tiffany_Case said:
A wedding is also just another ceremony. Graduations dont generally cost attendants anything either. NTA.