Father enforces rent rule on youngest, spares unemployed brother. AITA?
"AITA for finding it unfair that my dad told me that I had to pay rent or move out at 18 but didn't tell my brothers the same thing at 18?"
MoreState2251
I (17M) made this account because I think my dad is being unfair despite every one i asked telling me he's not. I talked to my family about it for support and they were unsupportive and actually called me ungrateful.
I turn 18 April 21st and my dad told me that he wants me to start paying rent after I turn 18 or I'll have to move out. This made me upset because both of my brothers weren't forced to move out or had to pay rent when they turned 18.
My oldest brother (25M) only moved out 2 years ago and my other brother (22M) still lives with us. I told him this and he told me that he knows and he made a mistake when raising them and he wasn't gonna make the same one with me.
I asked my dad if he was saying this to my brother (22M) and he told me that he wasn't because he was unemployed and if he were to kick him out he'll be homeless. I asked my dad why he cares about him not being homeless but is ready to make me homeless.
He told me that he'll help me find an apartment and will co sign the lease if I choose to move out. I asked my dad why he wouldn't just do this for my brother instead but he told me that he doesn't trust him which just pissed me off more. I feel like I'm getting punished for being well behaved.
I explained this to my dad and told him that if he would've parented better he wouldn't have to force all his regrets on me. My dad got upset with me and told me that I was being unfair and that I know how hard he tried to raise all of us and I can't fault him for everything when he tried his best.
I tried to call my family to try and have them convince my dad that he was the one being unfair but they told me that I should be grateful my dad cares about me and that they agree with him.
They told me his only fault is letting (22M) and (25M) stay as long as they did and they are glad he wasn't gonna enable me?! I DID NOTHING WRONG. I genuinely feel like I'm getting punished for my brothers actions and I don't find that fair at all.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sunmoon98
I kinda disagree with some people here. I understand that the father is trying to help, but not asking the 22 year old to get a job to help or move out but forcing your 17 year old to pay rent or move out is not fair.
They should all be treated the same. The 22 year old should not be coddled. The situation with the 22 year old is his fault and he’s trying to make an example out of the 17 year old. I can understand if op was a spoiled brat but op has been working for 2 years. The father could’ve at-least allow op to save up for a year or two before moving out.
So the father allows the 22 year old to remain jobless, live rent free but the child that has been working for two years, got a scholarship and has been a good kid gets punished? You guys don’t see it as punishment but my friend went through the same situation and it was super rough for him.
He was literally homeless on holidays. Thank god my parents allowed him to come stay with us. His family continued to coddle the 25 year old son that has been living rent free for years with no consequences.
burningrae
I agree with this. There's nothing wrong with pushing your kids to become independent, but you have to be consistent. It's unfair, and it's an easy way to brew resentment between your kids. Few things hurt sibling relationships more than skewed treatment.
Little-Gur-5233
And alienate your one responsible son. 'Cause this is going to result in a huge amount of resentment between OP and his dad.
Cosmicdusterian
This is where lifelong grudges get born. Changing the rules to essentially dump all of his parenting mistakes on his youngest son with a few weeks heads up? Meanwhile, he's allowing the unemployed son to get a free ride, and he let the oldest get a multi-year free ride. That's just cold.
Up to his dad if he's willing to risk the relationship with the youngest over this. I think I'd not only be pissed off enough to leave, I'd leave without a goodbye and wouldn't bother saying where I'm going.
You want me out? F you, I'm out. No forwarding address. I'd also be ignoring calls and texts for a while. I have a real problem with overt or random unfairness. Sets me on the path to malicious compliance.
lovetotravelanytime
Okay buddy, lets work through some things. What is your plan for next school year. Are you planning to go to college? If not, CAN you go to college? If you have not yet applied check to see which universities in your state have rolling admissions. Apply and apply for student housing with a room mate.
Then, once you have that secured, negotiate with your Dad to be able to stay through the summer. Tell him the date you will move out. If his issue is that he doesn't want you living there indefinitely this would give a hard move out date.
Tell him that you would need a place to stay during Thanksgiving break, Winter break and next summer unless you can get housing next summer at the University but this would get you well on your way.
PM me if you want help working out a plan and need a template with talking points to talk this through with your Dad. My guess is if you present a well thought out plan with dates and a work back (ie: application due X date, FAFSA due X date, graduation on X date and you'll pay X rent through the summer. Move out on X date. he'll be more open to you staying for a few more months.
The OP responded here:
MoreState2251
Yeah, I plan on attending college. The college I'm attending is not far from where I live, and I chose to go there because I received scholarships. I haven't applied for housing yet because I was intending on staying off campus, and thank you for the help I really appreciate it.
The_Bad_Agent
NTA. But you come from a family of them. Best bet is to find a roommate somewhere, and not let your dad cosign the lease. Don't even let him know where you moved.