Teen tells designer sister they 'hate' her decorating, 'the house is tense;' AITA?
It's easy to attach emotions and memories to places whether it's a childhood bedroom, vacation spot, book shelf in a relative's hallway, or chaotic drawer of miscellaneous messes....
Holding onto items from loved ones can be a way of preserving their memory or your own experiences, and redecorating is often an emotional and healing process. So, when a teenager decided to consult the moral compass of the internet about their sister's sudden overhaul of the home decor, people were ready to weigh in.
AITA for telling my sister I hated her for redecorating?
For the past two weeks I've been at my dads. My older sister is, like, super into decor. She went to college for home design and has slowly been redoing our house for our mom. She's paying for it all so everyone has been super grateful.
When I came back from my dad's she told me she had a surprise for me. I was pretty nervous - I hate surprises. Like, more than your average person.
She took me upstairs and my room has been redecorated. I had a little bit of a screaming breakdown. I hate it so much.
I have collections and everything was organized, she's moved it all. She even got rid of some of my stuff. I had a really firm mattress and she's replaced it with a memory foam one.
I used to have carpets and dark walls and now I have wood floors and every thing is like a really vibrant blue.
I mean, its probably a nice room if you're not me. I just freaking hate it. My bed is uncomfortable, my floor is cold, my walls hurt my eyes and none of my things are where they're supposed to be.
My mom kinda ushered everyone out when I was freaking out and came back in when I was calmer. She told me my behavior was unacceptable and that I needed to apologize.
I did and then slept on the couch that night. The morning after my sister tried to act like nothing had happened but I was still really annoyed. She then said 'Aren't you going to say thank you?'
I told her 'No, I hate it and I hate you for changing it.'
It was extreme but I cant explain how awful the room made me feel. My mom was annoyed and yelled a bit so I ended up calling my dad whose now pissed.
He and my mom hate each other so now everyone is just angry and I don't really know what was my fault and what wasn't.
I've been slowly moving my collections to his house and now he's coming so I can move the remaining ones fully.
Anyway, the house has been tense as all hell since. I haven't apologized to my sister and she's really hurt. I feel a little bad, but not really. Am I the a%shole? I feel like I was a little justified but she was just trying to be nice.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this family drama...
MerlinBiggs said:
NTA. You don't redecorate someones private space without their consent. There is no excuse for throwing some of your stuff away. Is there any way you can get it back?
Junior-Heat-5980 said:
NTA. Seriously, if your sister wants to do this professionally, half the job is to understand the client's taste - not do whatever the f you as the designer likes!
If this is something your mom wanted, your sister should have worked with both of you to find some common ground like real designers would do!
myd0gsarebarking said:
NTA. You shouldn’t even touch a person’s personal space without asking much less redecorate and move everything.
If you had previously expressed that you hated your room I could understand her wanting to surprise you with a remodel but from the post it sounds like you really liked your room.
thrwy_111822 said:
NTA. I understand the comments saying that your sister was just trying to do something nice. However, you don’t just go into someone’s personal space, throw things out, and change things without asking.
It sounds like your sister wants to be a professional decorator. This should be a lesson to her - professional decorators actually consult with their clients, and it’s a collaborative relationship.
If she were to pull something like this professionally, her business would suffer and she’d be lucky to get just mean words from a client. There would be poor reviews, lost wages, etc.
PoppyHamentaschen said:
NTA. Bedrooms are very personal spaces, and her redecorating without your input pretty much erased your identity in the house. Any tension was brought about by your sister and mother.
They didn't even give you the courtesy of giving you a heads-up so you could pack away your collections. I'd be screaming, too. I hope you'll be very happy at your dad's.
okaymina said:
NTA. She redecorated your room without asking for your permission first, and then she expects you to like it and for you to thank her because she 'tried to do something nice.'
If she wanted to do something nice she should've asked you for permission before redecorating your room. You're NTA but your sister and your mom are. Your sister for doing it without asking you first, and your mom for being on her side.