'AITA for calling my sister irresponsible and refusing to help her?'
"AITA for calling my sister irresponsible and refusing to help her?"
I have an elder sister 38f along with 3 other siblings. We were raised in a ultra Christian household where we had to go to church girls had to dress extremely modesty we were homeschooled and all.
I left the religion when I was 20 and became more of a deist two of my other siblings left aswell but my oldest sister 38f and younger one 29f stayed in the religion. My oldest sister is a fundie basically she's even more religious than my parents. She thinks women shouldn't wear pants and that the moon landing was faked and all.
She married a husband with similar beliefs and now they have 10 freaking kids together and I mean 10. I think having that much amount of kids is unethical considering our overpopulation and the climate crisis.
I think 3 should be max but I never really commented much because I knew she'd never listen to me. But my main issue was that she didn't have money to give those kids a comfortable life. Neither her nor her husband is rich.
And because of that their kids don't have a good quality of life at all. They rarely ever get to go on any trips or spend individual time with their parents. They last went on a trip 3 years ago and that was simply to a waterpark the kids have bearly any privacy and the older kids have to help with the younger ones a lot.
The kids also literally have to share their clothes with siblings who can wear them so they don't really even have their own clothes. There are multiple other issues there but I don't want to get into too much detail.
My sister was recently venting about all this about how her older kids didn't like her Christian rules or having to share clothes or take care of their younger siblings. She asked me if I can buy her groceries for a few months as they've been having money issues lately.
I told her that I would not give her any money and that it was her fault she was in this position. She spent so much time being pregnant so she couldn't really work that much meaning she was stuck with a low paying service job.
Her husband makes a lot more but it still isn't enough to raise 10 kids without relying on welfare. I told her all this and she got really upset and said I was "judging her personal choices".
But honestly I do judge her I've spent time with her kids they're often neglected and often complain about how they don't have anything compared to their friends and how their rules are so strict.
I told my sister she was an irresponsible person for having so many kids despite not being anywhere near enough to raise them properly. My parents are now very mad at me for "judging her for not being a degenerate career oriented person." AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA....But it is one thing to ask for Groceries as opposed to luxury items- is she against food pantries or asking help from her beloved church for food? I would be concerned about the children getting enough to eat, if anything I wouldn't give her honey but instead purchase basic food necessities for the kids to have at home.
SureSafe2549 (OP)
She does get food from her church and pantries but it's not really enough for all her 10 kids so she buys some groceries as well. I usually give them whatever food i don't use and i sometimes buy/make the kids food whenever they come over. But I can't really buy for all 10 of them.
Of course you are judging her for her personal choices. What else would you judge her for? The color of her hair? The shape of her nose? Of course not. You can only judge on personal choices.
She was asking you for money because her personal choices put her in the position she is in. If she asks you for money, she should expect to be judged in order for you to decide whether or not you will give her money. NTA.
And I bet big sis manages to pass self-righteous judgement on other people's personal choices; that's probably her only hobby except breeding.
If your parents consider you a degenerate for living your own life, then let them support your sister and family. It does not fall to you to take care of a grown woman and her husband. I do feel bad for the kids, BUT the fact is they are not your responsibility.
NTA. Just tell her it’s obvious she’s not praying enough because God will provide. Asking a fallen person like you for help means she isn’t trusting in the Lord. Ok, that’s nuclear. Tell her you’re not judging her personal decisions but neither will you compensate for her decisions. She chose to have 10 kids. She chose her current life. How to pay for them, feed and clothe them, that’s on her and her husband.
Ultra religious family members get upset when you judge them? Oh, the irony.
Tell your sister you’ll pray for her. She can’t complain about that, right?
Not going on trips isnt a quality of life. Trips dont have to include elaborate vacations to disney or world travel. That said your sister IS irresponsible for having kids without a means to support them. And older siblings should never be responsible for younger siblings. NTA.
She (and her sperm donor) chose to have 10 expensive little cost centers, so but it is not your problem. Tell her your were not judging her until she tried guilt tripping you into supporting them. They are not your burden to bear. NTA obviously.