'AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of how she treated me during my engagement?'
"AITA for refusing to invite my sister to my wedding because of how she treated me during my engagement?"
I (27F) am currently planning my wedding, which is in a few months. My sister (30F) and I have had a rocky relationship for a while, but I still considered her important enough to be part of my big day. However, things changed drastically over the past year. When I got engaged, I was super excited and naturally shared the news with family first.
My sister didn’t react the way I expected. Instead of being happy for me, she seemed almost dismissive and changed the subject whenever I brought up the wedding. I tried to ignore it, thinking she might just be going through her own stuff. But then, every time we’d get together with family, she’d make subtle digs about my wedding choices.
She’d say things like, “Oh, you’re doing a small wedding? That’s… different,” or, “I hope the food won’t be too cheap.” It felt like she was constantly judging everything I’d planned. I confronted her once, asking if she had an issue with the wedding, and she just laughed it off, saying I was being “too sensitive.”
The tipping point came a month ago at a family gathering. She made a joke about how “it’s a miracle anyone would put up with me for life,” right in front of my fiancé and his family. I was mortified. I pulled her aside and asked her to stop, but she got defensive, saying she was just “joking” and that I needed to “relax.”
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and honestly, I don’t want her negative energy on my wedding day. I want it to be a happy, drama-free day. So, I decided not to invite her, and of course, that caused a huge fallout with my family.
My parents think I’m overreacting and that I’m tearing the family apart, but I feel like I need to prioritize my own peace and happiness. AITA for uninviting my sister from my wedding because of her constant negativity?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
Comfortable-Sea-2454 said:
NTA >I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and honestly, I don’t want her negative energy on my wedding day. I want it to be a happy, drama-free day. So, I decided not to invite her, and of course, that caused a huge fallout with my family.
My parents think I’m overreacting and that I’m tearing the family apart, but I feel like I need to prioritize my own peace and happiness. AITA for uninviting my sister from my wedding because of her constant negativity?
Your sister sounds as jealous as Feck!!! However think long and hard about what possible ramifications it will have in your family if you do exclude her. But before excluding her, with your parents and fiance in the room, tell her point blank that if she can't be happy for you and stop being so negative, then she won't be welcome. A wedding is a place for positive energy and love, not backstabbing.
OP responded:
You’re right, I do want the day to be about positivity, so I’ll think it over.
teresajs said:
NTA. Anyone who would tell you, "it's a miracle anyone would put up with you for life" should not be invited to your wedding. Your sister is going to struggle in life if that's how she treats people. And that's definitely not a joke. Tell your parents that your sister's behavior is offensive and that she's the one who damaged the family relationship. Recommend that they get her therapy.
OP responded:
Exactly! It was such a hurtful comment. I’ll definitely be pointing out how her behavior is affecting everyone.
Miss_Melody_Pond said:
She’s carried on like this for a year and you have spoken to her several times. Each time you are dismissed and labelled “sensitive”. At 30 years of age she should know how to behave better. Your parents fe you’re tearing the family apart? Is there a reason they haven’t spoken to her about her obvious issues and poor manners? Should you just let it go and hope she doesn’t pull a stunt at your wedding?
You are NTA here but your parents have failed by taking sides and failing to act as parents. Honestly your sister sounds like a jealous little girl who can’t sort out her own feelings and instead takes them out on you. That’s not fair.
I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position and I truly hope your wedding is every bit as beautiful and magical as you hope it will be. Congratulations on finding your one.
OP responded:
Thank you so much for this perspective! It does feel unfair that my parents haven’t addressed her behavior directly. I’ve tried to handle it myself, but maybe it’s time they step in. And thank you for the sweet wishes—I’m hoping the day is truly special.
Danube_Kitty said:
NTA. She is a bully and you are her favourite victim. You would invite your bully to your wedding, right? Her being your blood relative doesn't give her a free pass to treat you this way. Your sister's action are tearing your family apart. Also, tell everyone who is not in your corner "You are overreacting. It's just a wedding." That could shut them up.
And OP responded:
Thank you for that perspective. It’s true; blood shouldn’t be an excuse for being hurtful. I might use that line about “overreacting” if anyone pushes back.
Any thoughts?