'AITA for staying late at a friend's house without my boyfriend?'
"AITA for staying late at a friend's house without my boyfriend?"
alljokes69
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. We often spent a lot of time with one of his best friends who he has known for 8 years and we've become like a friend group of the 3 of us.
Recently, me and his friend have gotten a little closer, still entirely platonic, just more of genuine friends instead of someone we only know through my boyfriend.
I have never thought of it as anything else, I love my boyfriend and I'd never want to be with anyone else but I was happy we got closer because I know he had a difficult past year and was just happy to be there for him and see him happy again.
My boyfriend and I were both worried about his friend because he has clearly been struggling lately and we just wish we could help him. My boyfriend was glad that I was able to help his friend and also didn't think of it as anything bad.
Until one night, my boyfriend and his friend went to the beach together and they both got very drunk one night and his friend finally said everything he was truly thinking.
He said many things about me, about how distracting my body is when he is around me, how he is attracted to me, how he could have been my boyfriend if he met me first, etc. My boyfriend told me that his friend had feelings for me but kept the majority of the details to himself because he didn't want to make it uncomfortable between us.
A couple days after their beach trip, I was hanging out with his friend. We were just having a normal night and I thought nothing of it, until it started getting later. I knew I shouldn't have stayed too late but we were also having a good time and I trusted him to not do anything.
(Especially because he told my boyfriend that he knew there was nothing he could do about the way he felt since I wasn't single and I had been with my boyfriend for many years and my boyfriend was also his oldest friend.)
At one point in the night, he asked me if what we were doing was wrong. I was confused because nothing had happened, it was just a normal night but then he asked again if we were doing what friends do.
I just said I don't know because I wasn't entirely sure what he was getting at since nothing was different. Then he said how he felt bad because he didn't want to hurt my boyfriend but he was having a really good time and then told me he had feelings for me.
I left quickly after this, I told him it was getting late and I should really be getting back home but we could talk about this another time. I told my boyfriend everything the next morning and he told me everything else his friend had said about me. We have both stopped speaking to his friend because he was willing to throw away their friendship just to hit on me, even though he knows I am loyal to my boyfriend.
I feel kind of bad because we know he has had it rough recently and he has now lost his two closest friends at the same time, but we also don't think we should be around him anymore. Are we overreacting?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Oso_the-Bear
Staying past a certain hour isn't really the issue here. It sounds like the three of you as buddies is not going to work out as a long term plan. It might even be that his obsession with you (and following his male buddy around even before that) is preventing him from finding his own life to build with somebody.
CuriousTiktaalik
NTA. He considered a chance with you more important than his friendship with both of you. He chose wrong. There was nothing you could have done differently.
Consistent-Tax9850
Well, clearly he had a different take than you on the two of you becoming closer friends. He seems emotionally fragile, socially awkward, and not thinking clearly at all. My impression is he is spinning this all in his head, misreading things and not a sleazeball. Good friends can recover from this. It's your choice.
longblackdick9998
NTA. He overstepped big time. Ain't no excuse for playin with fire. Let him sort his own mess.
Mobile_Following_198
ESH, except your boyfriend. You knew the friend had feelings for you, and he repeatedly said things like questioning if what you were doing was wrong, which suggests it wasn't so innocent at least for one of you (him).
As soon as he started asking those questions, you should have dipped. Although really you shouldn't have stayed late alone with him anyway knowing he had feelings for you. It's just asking for something to happen.
The friend is obviously an AH too for hitting on you. It's everything rolled up into one that makes you an AH too. Being alone with him would have been ok of course even with his feelings. Being alone with him late (especially if there was any alcohol or substances is involved) is a no no. Staying alone with him late after his questioning... definitely a no no.