'AITA for stealing a present from a child?' 'She was the only child at the office holiday party.'
"AITA for stealing a present from a child?"
Last week was my office holiday party with a White Elephant gift exchange. The party invite was for employees and their significant others, so children were not specifically discouraged but through conversations in the office it was clear that people were not bringing kids.
One of my coworkers ended up bringing his 10-year old daughter to the party. She is a regular around the office and he often brings her to work events, but at this party she was the only child.
White Elephant is a game where everyone brings a wrapped gift and the first person chooses a present. The next person can either choose a new gift to open or steal a present that someone else has opened. If your gift is stolen you can choose a new present or steal.
During the gift exchange, which was light hearted and had a mix of real/silly gifts, someone opened a small hand carved and painted wooden dragon. My husband has played DND his whole life, loves dragons, and this was right up his alley. We had both already taken our turns, but agreed that if either of our gifts were stolen, we would go straight for that.
Along comes the kid’s turn. There were other kid friendly gifts available, but she decided to steal the dragon. Several rounds went by and we debated whether it would be alright to steal the dragon if the opportunity came up.
It would be fine according to the rules of the game, but since the kid had it would that make it wrong? We ended up undecided, but leaning toward that it was all a game especially since the kid had stolen the item from someone else.
Eventually my husband’s gift was stolen so he had the chance to pick a new gift or steal. He made a joke about being the Grinch, and chose the dragon. The kid seemed disappointed, but picked another gift and the game went on. She ended up with a remote control Harry Potter wand that was actually pretty cool.
After the exchange was over, she asked my husband if he would trade items. He said kindly but firmly that he was happy with his item and wanted to keep it. Later, I went to the bathroom and found her crying.
I told my husband and we went to her father offering to give her the dragon since we didn’t realize she was so upset. He said that it was a good lesson for her and she had actually talked enthusiastically about stealing gifts from people before the whole thing started.
My husband has the dragon and is happy with it, but it is now a little tainted by guilt. The office seems to be split on the issue. Many people said that he should never have even considered stealing the item from her because she’s a kid and might not have fully understood the game.
We don’t have children so may be out of touch on this issue, but the more I think about it the more I feel like she shouldn’t really have been at the party in the first place, and her father shouldn’t have allowed her to participate in the game if she couldn’t understand the possibility of an item getting stolen. So I genuinely want to know, are we the aholes?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Own_Basil_3010 said:
NTA. Mom here. 10 is plenty old to understand the rules. I'm sure that there were other adults who chose not to steal from her because she was a child. However, that doesn't teach her anything. Her father was spot on!
She was old enough to understand the rules and to participate- although I agree she should not have been there, let alone played. Age where kids get excited about the thought of playing a game like that and the only way they learn is by experiencing it themselves.
This was an excellent learning moment for her! It's okay for a child to be disappointed. If they want to play a game with grown ups, they have to abide by the rules and learn how to be a good sport. You guys did absolutely nothing wrong! And serious brownie points for the dad!
SufficientBasis5296 said:
NTA. On the contrary, you would now destroy the life lesson this Dad has imparted to the kid. No need to feel guilty. Those who advocate to not follow the rules of the game "because she's a kid" should take a minute to reflect on what they are actually saying.
RogueX047 said:
NTA. But in all honesty, it probably would have been a better idea for them to not have invited the child to the game. Like this game is designed for adults and not for kids for a reason. And I say this whole heartedly, because I remember I was invited to my mom's colleague's party and they did a white elephant game, and by then I was like 19 or 20.
The hosts told me then that they had an incident the one time they did white elephant, where a kid bawled at the fact that he didn't get to keep his present, and that's why they did the rule of NO KIDS lol. And it's not like they can't be included or anything, but like the game is designed for plot twists and present yoinks for a reason.
And nothing against the kid or anything, because I get it, it SUCKS. But good on the dad for teaching the kid an important lesson, but also, maybe don't bring your kid to a white elephant game until they're at least in their teens.
No_Philosopher_1870 said:
NTA. Children weren't expected to be at the party, so if a child came, she should have to be subject to the same game rules as adults. If the other people iin the office who are "so upset" want to do something about it, they can chip in to buy the child a dragon, but it's a lot cheaper to try to guilt you into giving it up. Ten years old is old enough to know and undersand the rules of even a fairly complicated game.
ProfessionalGrade423 said:
NTA. Her dad is a good egg. Kids need to learn these lessons as they grow up and this was a really low stakes way for her to have this experience. Learning to handle disappointment is so important for kids and this was a very small one that is easily gotten over but still allows the child to sit with and experience those feelings in order to learn to deal with them properly. All the adults in this situation did the right thing.
JenninMiami said:
NTA. Her dad brought her to an adult party and she was excited about playing an adult game. You guys didn’t do anything wrong.