Stepmom begs daughter to keep quiet after kissing her boyfriend at his birthday party. AITA? + UPDATE
"My stepmom kissed my boyfriend on the mouth."
My 22F stepmom 38F was drunk but it’s still crazy. My boyfriend is 26M. We were celebrating my boyfriend’s birthday. My stepmom loves to drink and she’s been drunk on many occasions.
Usually she just becomes a louder and chattier version of herself. She's gotten angry drunk a few times too. Maybe what kind of drunk she becomes depends on her mood.
I have never gotten drunk and I don’t drink alcohol so maybe I’m ignorant on its effects but I find it hard to believe alcohol can bring this out? Please correct me if I’m misinformed.
My boyfriend was sitting on a chair, but like reverse so he had his arms crossed, resting them on the backrest, and his head was on his arms. We were watching a game on TV and the birthday part had kind of winded down. Most of the guests were gone.
I was cleaning up. My stepmom was lounging outside and smoking. I missed some of the approach but my boyfriend said she just came up to him and she was slurring her words and the tv was loud so when she said something to him he didn’t catch it so he gestured for her to come closer and say it in his ear.
She leaned in and told him “You’re so handsome. Movie star eyes”. He said he just smiled back up at her and kinda laughed it off. He could tell she was very drunk. The rest of it I saw for myself.
He returned his attention back to the tv. She reached out and touched his chin to get him to look back at her and then she leaned in and my boyfriend told me she said “happy birthday darling” and kissed him on the cheek and then suddenly on the mouth. If that wasn’t enough, she tried to kiss him again (on the mouth) but he pushed her face.
She laughed and I was so shocked I was just frozen. I don’t even remember what I said but I said something. I remember my boyfriend’s friend said “did she just kiss you?!”
My stepmom just laughed it off and told us “don’t make a big deal out of it, it was an accident” She won’t so much as apologize but when she got sober she approached me privately to tell me not to tell my dad.
AITA if I tell my dad? Or is this really just not a big deal. I don’t want to cause stress for my dad. But I think this is a little too big to file away as a “drunk oopsie” (her words) and just forget about it.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Alcohol can do a lot of things to you, it can make you completely lose control. However, as adults its our imperative to know our limits - she bears full responsibility. She assaulted your boyfriend.
Thank god you witnessed because as drunk as she seems she was, she may claim it was your boyfriend that came on to her since she was to drunk to consent. You absolutely tell your father. his wife likes to drink and this is how she behaves drunk.
YTA if your actually a dumb enough not to tell your dad that his wife “CHEATED” on him… she can’t say she was “drunk” if she remembered and approached you to keep it a secret. She knows what she did was wrong and didn’t get the reaction she wanted.
You all need to stay away from that drunk.. And you need to tell your dad. Why TF are you thinking about keeping the fact that your father's drunk of a wife came onto your boyfriend?
Your stepmom might try to gaslight you into silence, but don’t let her. You’re doing the right thing by thinking this through. Whether you tell your dad now or later, you get to choose what feels safe and right for you — not what makes things easier for the person who crossed the line.
Your feelings are 100% valid. That wasn’t a harmless or accidental moment—it was a violation of your trust and your boyfriend’s boundaries. Alcohol might lower inhibitions, but it doesn’t create totally new behavior. It just reveals what’s already there. If you feel the need to tell your dad, that’s not being petty—it’s being honest about something that’s deeply inappropriate.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Hi everyone. I got asked it a lot, so will say it here in case my comment didn’t get noticed: my dad is 43 years old so the age difference between him and my stepmom (38) isn’t super drastic. People were wondering where he was during this, he was at work.
I waited until my dad was home alone. I told him what happened. We have a rocky relationship because he has poor emotional regulation. That’s why my mom left him.
It’s getting better between us though, since both of us have been making a conscious effort to communicate calmly so this conversation was one that I was dreading with my dad but it went as well as it could.
My dad’s first response was still to be irritable and defensive. He focused his anger (unfairly) on my boyfriend initially. I had to make it very clear that this happened unknowingly and spontaneously as far as my boyfriend is concerned and that he was a victim in this.
I also mentioned to my dad that my stepmom told me not to tell him. My dad was too angry for words and didn’t say much to me. He left the house and came back later a bit more cooled off. He made me repeat the order of events again and exactly what was said.
He then said the rest is between my stepmom and him and he doesn’t want me to get involved. He requested me to not have my boyfriend over for a while, I can go over to his place instead. That works out since my boyfriend doesn’t feel comfortable around my stepmom anymore.
You guys speculated my stepmom has a drinking problem. She definitely does. I think it’s gotten worse in the last few months. I don’t know why though. I have never had any issues with my stepmom but we are not exactly close either.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You did the right thing telling your Dad. Your stepmom needs help with her drinking. However, that does not excuse what she did.
Good for you telling your dad. I'm sure that was an uncomfortable conversation, but it needed to be had. Yes, your stepmother has a drinking problem. That's the root cause of this situation. I'd keep your boyfriend away to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Cold_River707 (OP)
Thank you guys for the push! I hope she gets the help she needs. But unfortunately our relationship will never be the same because it’s been a day and she still hasn’t apologized to me or my boyfriend yet.
I'm betting the stepmother won't apologize until she gets to step 9.
Step skipper! She skipped step nine! Oh, she was RIFFING! She was beboppin' and scattin' all over me! I felt like the straight man in some horrible sketch.
There have been very few times in my life that I've literally made the "D:" face, but reading the title on this one was definitely one of them.
Honestly it would be better if she separated herself completely from the situation.
Her father only invites bad news.
Sounds like her Dad knew there was a problem. Was in denial initially, but came to accept it and told OP "this is my problem, not yours".