"WIBTA for stepping down from wedding party after being fired as MOH 2 months before the wedding?"

Nearly a year ago, my best friend asked me to be her MOH. I was so excited & I said yes & took the task very seriously. I’ve gone dress shopping with her for her dress, and went shopping with her for bridesmaid dresses as well.

I’ve spent hours addressing save the dates with her, kept in contact with her bridesmaids about ordering their dresses/planning jewelry and shoes in the color she wants, I made sure someone could organize her bridal shower because I was out of state for work for 3 months, making sure they understood her wishes for the party.

I also personally took the time to look through her decor inspo and saved items on an Amazon list for her to go through so she could look at affordable options she wanted to purchase (which she was very happy about).

I also want to note - I have already planned her bachelorette party & just needed to call and finish the booking process completely as we are a little more than a month out (it’s being hosted in town & a very chill night as she requested).I travel for work, and I turned down multiple jobs so I would be close for her wedding and events / if she were to need my help planning these last few months.

This has resulted in me being out of work for the last 3 months because she was upset I was going to be out of state (there have been NO jobs close enough to home that made sense, as I’d have to drive back home multiple times during my assignment) (but I finally found a job - hooray!). I literally rearranged my career just to be close by to help her.

It was a shock to me to receive a very lengthy text this week telling me she was going to have someone else take over as MOH and she was demoting me to a bridesmaid BECAUSE - I told her I may not be able to attend the bridal shower due to work (I could only submit a request for the weekend of her wedding off).

I would attend rehearsal but maybe not rehearsal dinner because I was under the impression I had to pay for dinner myself & it was at a very expensive restaurant, AND because I cannot currently afford to get my nails done the day before the wedding, and I told her I likely won’t be attending that event either. (Finances are tight with a new house, personal wedding planning, and a baby on the way).

She also feels I haven’t communicated with her enough, even though I check in at least once a month asking if she needs me. I always end these convos with telling her she should reach out if something comes up. Also, apparently my texts don’t come off as being “excited for her”, which makes her mad.

I guess she feels like I don’t want to be involved at all because of these few things, thus her stripping me of the position after I’ve done all this work. This text also came right after I asked if we could have a back up learn how to bustle her dress in case my pregnant belly doesn’t allow me to bend and squat very well to do it on the wedding day. Apparently it “saddened her” that I even asked.

She said she needs someone who will be there for all events physically to “support her”. I feel pretty bummed and disrespected right now, as if nothing I did mattered. I am considering stepping down completely after this. WIBTA doing so??

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what top commenters had to say:

throwaway87pickles said:

NTA. It sounds like her long term memory isn’t so great and you’re only worth what you’ve done for her today.

Lurker_the_Pip said:

Uhhhh… why should you even attend the wedding at this point?!? She is basically crapping on all of your contributions and effort. Would it not be best to cut your losses and dump the wedding and friend? NTA.

tuttkraftverk said:

Wow, massive NTA. You've gone out of your way for this person, who you thought was your best friend, and she pissed all over you when you couldn't put 100 % of your own life completely on hold to wait on her hand and foot. You are not the AH and I would seriously reconsider whether this is even a friendship. If it were me, I wouldn't go to the wedding at all.

And stropette offered this sage advice:

NTA. Tell her you'll make her life a lot easier and bow out from attending full stop. Spend her 'big day' in comfy clothes with a remote control in one hand and a bar of chocolate in the other.

She shared this first mini-update:

I sent a text last night that outlined essentially everything I’ve done listed here in this post & I expressed how hurt / disrespected I felt. I told her what I felt a MOH is & that I felt this was wasn’t it… that it’s all basically transactional & based on what more I could offer her.

I also included the fact that she hasn’t personally communicated with me much either lately about the wedding or my personal life. I politely let her know I’d be stepping down. Sent over 8 hours ago with no response as of yet.

And then over a month later, she shared this second update:

Thank you all so much for the kind comments and support! I felt validated in my decision to ultimately step down from the wedding overall. It was good to hear from others that I wasn’t overreacting & being hormonal lol.

I sent a long text to my friend two days after my original post. The text was outlining everything I’ve done for her & why I felt disrespected in her decision to demote me from MOH so close to the wedding date. I also was sure to tell her I’ve lost a lot financially in trying to be a good friend and stay close for her wedding and events like she had wanted.

I ended the message telling her I still want her to enjoy her day & I don’t want it to full of any drama or bitterness, so I felt it best that I step down from it all. It took two full days for her to respond.

We went back and forth quite a bit with her telling me the additional reasons for demoting me were I hadn’t been texting her enough and asking her about her personal life / I wasn’t “excited enough” in my messages about the wedding, etc. Essentially, she felt I was more concerned with my own life currently (pregnancy & finding a job) than I was with her wedding.

There were a lot of “pity me” messages from her & after reiterating that I no longer wanted to be in the wedding at all, I stopped replying. I haven’t heard from her in over 3 weeks. I’ve returned my bridesmaid dress & I feel so at peace with my decision. I don’t think I’ll be attending the wedding at all.

Thank you for all the well wishes for my pregnancy & baby as well! We found out last week it’s a boy 🥰 I also start my new job this week, so time to get my finances back on track & try to fix the mess that has been created in that area before baby is here.