'WIBTA to stop my parents health insurance to show them what do I even do for them?'
"WIBTA to stop my parents health insurance to show them what do I even do for them?"
canttodaylol
(might be a rant because I'm so angry and hurt right now lol)
So basically I'm (22f) with my parents 55m and 48f and an older brother 25m. I've had a pretty good relationship with my fam (no golden child situation here).
My brother was clearly better in studies so they did throw in more money for his education but he got in the best college possible. I was super proud and all, so no hard feelings there. Although it came to head last year when instead of completing his masters and getting a job to support parents, he decided he wanted to study more abroad.
And here's the problem - I graduated last year and had planned to apply for my dream job abroad. However since my brother still had a year to go in his masters and there was no one to take care of my parents, we mutually decided that we'll wait for a year while I stay and take care of them. Once he graduated, he said he'd take a job to support them or at least stay somewhere in the country to be with them.
My father lost his job in covid so we were financially struggling a lot until i got my job. Since then, I give half my salary to them each month, pay for their health insurance, cars, and all utilities. In turn, I get strict curfews like I'm school and an earful for daring to say anything against them lol.
I was just waiting it out for a year, hoping I'll get away from this soon. But my brother dropped this bombshell last minute, and I did not get a single say. When my brother came back home last week, my parents went out to celebrate for his "success."
Needless to say I was fuming. I didn't utter a single word and hoped to just go back home and sleep. But my parents kept trying to poke me and kept rubbing in his achievements. This is when they said this infamous line - "what do you even for us?" I didn't want to cause a scene so just left.
But the entire conservation has been boiling inside my head. I threw away an entire year of life just to be called upon like this. This is when it struck me, I'll just cancel their health insurance.
They get their regular medicines through it. However this seems very vindictive and irrational but I've no clue what to do.
PS. just to clarify, it was his choice to take care of my parents since he already had a very high paying job offer after his masters.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Discount_Mithral
INFO: If you were to stop giving them half your salary, paying for bills and insurance, could you move out and live on your own? If the answer to that is yes, do it. Don't hesitate, don't feel bad, nothing.
Just move out and tell them "Now that *brother's name* is home and successful, he will be the one providing for you as we agreed before he started traveling abroad. Since I don't do anything for you anyway, I'll remove myself from the situation." And leave. You say there is no golden child syndrome here, but OP - your brother is ABSOLUTELY the GC.
jrm1102
NTA - what im very curious to know is why do any of you have to support your parents. They’re on the younger side. They can work. In fact, they need to. Stop this bs.
Long_Ad_2764
I would not cancel the insurance. I would tell them they are now responsible for paying it and if they don’t then cancel it. Pulling the rug from under them and just cancelling it would be cruel.
ParsimoniousSalad
NTA. You're 22. It is not your job to take care of your able-bodied, relatively young parents. Apply for your dream job and let your family take care of themselves. Don't just cancel their health insurance.
Tell them you will stop paying their bills in a month or so (whatever time frame makes sense to you) and they need to pick them up. And stop acting like a child in their home (that you're paying for). You're an adult who deserves to live her own life.
lmmontes
NTA. Return to your plans to move abroad. Until then, be independent and stop giving them half your salary (exception: health insurance, consider continuing that). Go live your life.
Disastrous-Nail-640
NTA. Your parents are not that old. They are of working age and can, and should, support themselves. Move out and life your life. It’s not your job or responsibility to support your parents.
gardenald
well since you clearly don't do anything for them, the best thing you could do would be to move out and stop giving them half your salary. you know, since you're such a burden and all.
victoriaj
This is something you only do if you really, genuinely, don't care if they die because they have no health care. Because if you will still care and they need medical treatment you're going to end up paying towards it. If you'll do that you're basically insuring YOURSELF to make sure that doesn't happen.
So if you're really done with them then stop all payments, walk out the door, and never look back. If not - maybe try setting out what you're paying for in writing, and making it clear what boundaries you have. Not being treated like a child in the house, not being insulted.
And if that doesn't work and you're ready to leave then cut pretty much everything else off and use the money to spend on yourself living independently. Whatever choice you make it's probably worth telling your brother before any payment stops, if he also plans to financially support them.
But if there's any possibility that you'll feel bad if your parents become ill, and will pay if they get into debt because of that, don't stop paying the medical insurance (until/unless your brother starts paying). You could really hurt them AND yourself.
Don't make very serious judgements on anger! Not sure a moral judgment is particularly helpful here. Partly because you have to judge yourself, and I'm pretty sure how that's going to go. Fair or unfair.