'AITA for suing my brother over a family heirloom he gave to his fiancée?' UPDATED 3X
"AITA for suing my brother over a family heirloom he gave to his fiancée?"
I come from a family where heirlooms mean a lot. Our grandmother left us an antique diamond necklace that’s been passed down for generations to the first daughter in the family. Since I’m the only daughter of this generation, it was supposed to come to me.
My brother claimed grandma told him in private that it should go to him instead because he’s “the most responsible.” I didn’t want to cause drama, so I let it go, even though it felt unfair.
Last week, I saw on social media that my brother gave the necklace to his fiancée as an engagement gift. She posted a picture wearing it with the caption, “Feeling like royalty with my new family heirloom.”
I confronted my brother and reminded him the necklace was meant to stay in the family. He said, “She is family now. Don’t be petty.” When I asked for it back, he refused, saying it would ruin their engagement.
I decided to take legal action to get the necklace back. Now my brother is furious and calling me selfish. My parents think I’m overreacting, but some extended family members are on my side, saying he never had the right to give it away. His fiancée even messaged me, calling me a jealous drama queen and telling me to find my own man to buy me jewelry.
The whole thing has caused a family feud, and now my brother and his fiancée are threatening to uninvite me from the wedding. AITA for taking this to court over a necklace that was supposed to be mine?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Status-Confection857 said:
NTA, also her man did not buy it, he stole it. Don't respond to her while you are suing, but when it is over and you get it back then you can make it clear her loser man did not buy anything for her and stole it. Take him to court.
HorseFuneralPriest said:
NTA. I already find it more than sus that grandma told your brother “in private” that she wishes to break a family tradition and give that necklace to him not you. If it usually goes to the oldest daughter, grandma would make sure everyone knows that she wants it done differently. Telling only the person who benefits from the change makes no sense.
Unfortunately, I have no idea what the law says about situations like that (probably different in different countries), but your post sounds to me like the legal action has already started so at least your lawyer seems to believe you might have a case. Good luck!
KvrtKobang said:
It's unfortunate it's come to this, but you're not wrong. Your brother clearly doesn't understand the responsibility that comes with holding onto a heirloom. By giving it away, he's broken the trust tied to it. NTA.
Ivygloww said:
NTA. The fact that he just gave away a family heirloom that wasn't even his to begin with is crazy. And his fiance calling u a jealous drama queen? Like, girl, it's not hers either. You're totally justified in taking legal action. They're both being super disrespectful.
Zachbrams said:
NTA. Heirlooms have rules and traditions, and he disregarded both by giving the necklace to someone who isn't a direct descendant. It's heartbreaking to take legal action, but he left you no choice by ignoring your rightful claim.
haveanotherpringle said:
YTA. The time for dispute has been and gone. You missed the opportunity to claim it. What did you think he was gonna do with it? Wear it himself? Flog it? Another "family" pulled apart by money, greed,amd "inheritance." Says a lot about the state of society - the universal experience of family animosity and fall out over a dead persons earthly belongings.
Tialia47 said:
ESH. OP should have objected initially, but she didn’t, and the necklace became her brother’s to do whatever he likes with it. Understandable that she would be upset that brother gave it away, but to jump to a lawsuit?
She’s going to blow up her family to no purpose - based on what’s posted here there’s basically no chance of a judge awarding her the necklace, unless there’s a lot of info being left out here like the necklace being in some kind of trust.
If the sentimental value of the necklace to OP is significantly more than its cash value, her best chance of getting the necklace is offering to buy it from brother’s fiancee or replace it with a similar piece of jewelry.
6 days later OP posted this update:
Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts and advice. I wanted to give an update because things have escalated and there’s some new context.
First, I talked to my parents about the situation. It turns out my brother didn’t just take the necklace he convinced my dad that grandma told him it was meant for him because she thought a man would be more responsible. My dad, trying to avoid conflict, handed it over without asking questions. So no, my dad didn’t intentionally give it to him, it was manipulation.
I also reached out to other family members who remember grandma’s clear wishes that the necklace was supposed to go to the first daughter. They’re willing to back me up if this goes to court. My dad has also agreed to speak on my behalf in court, clarifying that he never meant to give the necklace away permanently.
As for the legal side, I’ve consulted with my lawyer, who thinks I do have a case. Since there’s no will, it all comes down to proving that the necklace was meant to stay in the maternal line. It’s tricky, but I feel more confident now knowing I have some family members on my side.
My brother and his fiancée, however, have doubled down. They’ve accused me of being jealous, and his fiancée posted another passive-aggressive picture on social media wearing the necklace, captioning it “Some things just find their rightful home.”
It’s honestly infuriating. At this point, I’m committed to fighting for the necklace, even if it causes more tension in the family. I’ll keep you updated if there are any major developments.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this update:
emjkr said:
FIGHT!! This is theft and it rightfully belongs to you! …but ask yourself, how come all of you bend to your brothers will? Have things like this happened before?
iknowsomethings2 said:
Your brother is a manipulative POS. Your parents should tell him he’ll be written out of their will if he doesn’t return the necklace to you, saves you going to court. If not, go to court and go NC with him after, he’s not your brother, he’s a snake.
And go LC/NC with anyone in your family who sides with him.For social media, you can just post if you need to respond and say it is an ongoing legal matter and will be discussed in court. Everyone will know what is up then.
kcox1980 said:
There's no case here. She has the right to be upset about it, but based on the information OP has shared, she has no legal case whatsoever.
duffkiligan said:
ESH. Your brother for the obvious. Your dad for giving it away without a second thought. No he wasn’t “manipulated” he made a concious decision to “avoid drama." And YOU for suing your brother for something that will literally never ever go in your favor in court thus actually creating drama and tearing your family apart over a necklace.
It doesn’t matter how much you think it means to you, nor does it matter that you heard through the grapevine that someone one time said it should go to you. Your dad was in legal possession of it and legally gave it to your brother. You have ZERO claim to it. You are putting your parents into an unwinnable situation where they now have to “choose between their kids."
FluffyZest said:
NTA. Honestly, your brother and his fiancée are way out of line here. The fact that your dad was manipulated into giving the necklace away doesn’t make it any less wrong. It’s an heirloom with clear family significance, and you’re completely right to want to fight for it.
It’s not about jealousy, it’s about respecting family history and your grandma’s wishes. His fiancée’s passive-aggressive social media posts are just the cherry on top of their immaturity. You’ve got solid backing and a lawyer, so keep fighting for what’s rightfully yours. Your family might be messy, but you’re standing your ground, and that’s what matters.
Constant_Jelly52 said:
NTA. Your father should step up and tell your brother that he needs to give it back or go get it back himself.
l3ex_G said:
Nta, fight for this, your grandma wanted you to have it and your brother is being entitled.
16 days later OP posted this update 2nd update:
Hi everyone, here’s the latest update. My court date is set for the 27th and I’ve been doing everything I can to prepare. Honestly this whole process has been so overwhelming emotionally, mentally and financially. I never expected that standing up for what’s right would come with such a heavy price. I’ve had to dip into my savings to cover legal fees which has been stressful but I can’t back down now.
The good news is my dad has agreed to testify on my behalf. He’s been reflecting on everything and realizes now that my brother manipulated him by claiming that grandma wanted him to have the necklace. My aunt is also supporting me and has shared specific moments where grandma talked about how the necklace was supposed to go to me. Having them both on my side is giving me hope.
Meanwhile my brother and his fiancée are making things even messier. She actually brought the necklace to a family dinner recently wearing it like a trophy. She didn’t say anything directly but the way she was flaunting it felt like a calculated move to provoke me.
My mom told me "to just let it go" after that incident but how can I when it’s so clear they’re doing this to spite me. I don’t know, sometimes it feels like my mom is supporting my brother. She’s been really quiet about all of this.
The emotional toll of this fight has been huge but I’m trying to stay strong. This isn’t just about the necklace it’s about honoring my grandmother’s wishes and standing up for myself in a family that has always prioritized my brother over me.
Thank you to everyone who’s been supporting me here. Your encouragement has been such a lifeline during this difficult time. I’ll update you all after the court date on the 27th.
4 days later OP posted this 3rd update:
Sorry for the late update, things have been exhausting, and I honestly needed some time to process everything.
So, we had our first court date on the 27th, and I won’t lie it was way more stressful than I expected. My dad testified on my behalf, making it clear that my brother manipulated him into handing over the necklace.
My aunt also backed me up, sharing how my grandma always intended for it to be mine. My brother, of course, tried to twist things in his favor, acting like he was just following some “private” wish from grandma, but there’s literally no proof of that.
Right now, we’re still waiting on the next steps. The case isn’t fully settled yet, and my brother is pushing back hard, probably hoping I’ll just give up. His fiancée sat there acting all emotional, like she’s the one being wronged in this situation. Meanwhile, my mom has barely said anything, which honestly hurts more than I thought it would.
This whole process has been draining, emotionally and financially. Legal fees keep piling up, and I never thought I’d have to spend this much money just to fight for something that was supposed to be mine in the first place. It’s frustrating, but I’ve come too far to quit now.
I really appreciate everyone who’s been supportive through this. It helps more than you know. I’ll update again once there’s more news.
Here's what people had to say after update 3:
Be aware that the girlfriend might ‘lose the necklace’, dump your brother then miraculously find it. Then sell it.
This is something I brought up in the last update. The necklace needs to be kept safe until this whole thing is settled. It’s really weird that OP’s mom is being reticent through all this. Like, what’s her deal? OP, have you talked to your mom about this situation?
CourseTasty9395 OP:
Honestly I didn’t expect things to get this intense. It’s like every time I think I’m making progress, something else comes up. Still shocked by how quiet my mom’s been about it all. I’ll keep you all posted after the court date on the 27th fingers crossed!