'AITA for suing my sister over our dad's estate since I only just reconciled with my dad?'
"AITA for suing my sister over our dad's estate since I only just reconciled with my dad?"
Two years ago, I had a falling out with my father that resulted in him altering his will to cut me out. I imagined we'd never speak again, but some family members organized an intervention that led to my father and I reconciling this past November. Dad I and attended therapy together, came to terms, and we both agreed neither of us were happy with cutting the other off.
Late in February, we lost my father, and so I'm deeply thankful that we did manage to reconcile and reestablish our relationship. In all sincerity, I know I'd be depressed as hell if my dad had died with my last words to him having been what they were.
Several times leading up to this, dad had said he would be reincluding me into his estate planning. He had brought this up not only with me, but with friends and family, and his attorney as well. Dad obviously did not expect things to go the way they did, so his will remained unaltered, with my younger sister receiving everything.
My sister "Jessie" is actually one of the people who worked to get dad and I to reconcile, and she was aware of his intent to write me back in. So I thought there'd be no fight.
However when I mentioned the idea of dividing the estate fairly between us, she became defensive and pointed out that the will was written to leave everything to her at the time of dad's passing, and since dad did not change his will, she cannot know for sure that dad did not want her to have everything.
I feel she's being selfish. I've tried to sit down and talk with her, making significant compromises as really I'm fine with her keeping his savings and home. I only want an AMC Eagle dad and I had restored together several years ago along with some gifts I had given him and a 50/50 split of his vacation cabin that Jessie doesn't even like.
Jessie refused to hear me out. She said she plans to give the car to her husband's nephew, and even though the gifts I gave dad have almost no value, she wants to retain them.
I spoke with my dad's attorney who told me that I have a solid chance to dispute the will as there's a significant number of people (himself included) who were aware of dad's intents.
Dad had also sent me text messages talking about his intent, as well, which at least included his desire that I should have the car. My dad's attorney would not represent me, as he believed it may result in conflicts, but he did introduce me to another estate attorney who's taken my case and is equally confident.
Jessie is furious. She says I'm selfish and that me spending a couple months with dad following nearly two years of quiet doesn't entitle me to anything. A few family members have joined Jessie, insisting I should accept this as my punishment for the extended fight I had with my dad in the first place.
But the majority of our family is standing with me, and Jessie's own husband has said her behavior is problematic, although I've encouraged him not to speak with Jessie and I don't want to see friction between them. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, money brings out the ugliest traits in people. It's sad. I think you have a right to legally challenge this, but I would accept the outcome, whatever it is. At the very least, be grateful for the fact that you mended fences with your dad before he passed.
She's giving stuff to people who aren't even members of your family rather than to you? Wow. Yeah, sue her. You don't need her in your life, anyway, given that she's chosen to be so vile. NTA.
This looks like, but isn't, an interpersonal conflict. You are not suing your sister, you would be suing the estate. It is highly dubious that your dad's lawyer even spoke to you about this, no matter what information he had. What he should have told you is that Jessie may not be legally able to give you some of the things that you want, such as partial ownership of the cabin.
In any event, the opinions of anyone not listed in the will are irrelevant. You would have been better off to have negotiated with Jessie; now that you've gone full Captain Litigation, any good will is gone.
You are not suing your sister you are suing the estate. In Canada if a spouse of a child is not included in the will there is grounds to sue the estate, that being said with such a long estrangement its hard to know how it will go.
NAH but you did need to understand that this is likely to cause some bad feelings between you are your sister, as she has been there and supported your dad. Good luck I hope you get the outcome you want and can LIVE with NAH.
NTA. You spent more time on good terms with your father than fighting - and you did reconcile at the end. The bigger point for me is that you have documentation that your father wanted you to have certain things. That’s all that matters, the intent of the deceased.
Your sister is grieving and is reacting badly - her grief does not excuse her behavior, but that‘s something you may want to bear in mind for your future relationship with her. You not only can, but SHOULD pursue legal action. Not primarily because you want these possessions, but because your father wanted you to have them. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I hope you are finding peace and comfort.
NTA. There was obviously intent here, and timing just worked against it. If your sister won't acknowledge that, that's greed and selfishness (caveat below), not love and respect for your dad's wishes or the relationship you had with him, whatever ups and downs it had.
Take her to court. This is as much about acknowledging your reconciliation with your dad, which you sister is trying to minimize in her statements that a few months shouldn't entitle you to anything. Keep that family counsellor's phone number handy. It might be useful to attend with your sister. It's possible that this is not about greed and is instead about feelings.
Your sister had two years where she was your father's only acknowledged daughter, and she may feel a certain way about that, or about things that happened during that time that she had to address rather than having your assistance with them. But in the end, the reasoning doesn't matter. Your dad wanted you included, so you should be, and if you sister doesn't want to share, have the court make her share.