Teen defends grieving grandparents’ decision not to accept her half-sister as part of their family. AITA?
"AITA for taking my grandparents side over my mom's about my grandparents not wanting to be grandparents to my half sister?"
6 years ago my dad died and my mom stayed close with dad's family because they had always been close. I was 10 and my brother was 8 and we were way closer to dad's side than mom's side, mom was closer to dad's side than hers, so it was good for us too.
We got especially close to our grandparents after dad died and we spent a lot more time with them. They helped babysit us so mom could keep working and do other stuff.
Mom met her new husband two years ago and they got married last year. Dad's family were supportive but things got a little weird because they found it hard to see mom with him and mom had expected him to be embraced as a member of the family but they couldn't.
Mom and them talked and she was sad about it but it looked like she understood and she didn't stop me and my brother from seeing them but she stepped back a little. They'd still call mom and check in on her and visited occasionally.
But with her husband it was clear it was hard for them. It was hard for me and my brother. It still is sometimes. And yes we're in therapy but it's still weird and not super easy to see mom with some other guy.
Mom and her husband had a baby together in October and during the pregnancy things between her and my dad's family got weirder. She announced to them by giving my grandparents shirts that said they were expecting another grandkid.
It was weird and they asked what it was supposed to mean and mom said she was pregnant and she wanted them to be grandparents to her new baby and not just us. I don't know how many talks they had but what I know is they didn't want to be grandparents to the baby and mom cried a lot about it.
When my half sister was born she tried to include my dad's family and tried to make them come around to the idea that she was a part of their family. They did visit but their feelings didn't change.
My mom also tried to make me and my brother say sister instead of half sister. But we both still say that. I always will because she is and I do feel differently about her than my brother. She's 16 years younger than me and she has a different dad.
It's just not the same as with my brother who has the same parents and family as me and he's only two years younger. My mom doesn't like it, she increased our therapy to try and get us to change our minds but I haven't and I don't think my brother's mind is changing either.
I think this added more stress to mom when it comes to the grandparents stuff because she's angry at them now for not stepping up and being there for my half sister. They argued a few times in the last couple of months.
And then I might have made myself an AH and I told her I didn't think it was fair for her to keep pushing it and that my dad's family didn't need to treat my half sister the same as me and my brother or our cousins.
Mom looked hurt and she asked me how I could take their side. She said it first came when they wouldn't treat her husband like family and now her new baby too. I told her they lost their son/brother and it was hard for them to see his wife start a new family with someone else.
She told me my brother and I did better than them. I said we didn't really but we couldn't control what she does. I said it was still hard for us and we still talk about it. That we're working through it because we want her to be happy but things won't ever be the same because he's not dad and her daughter is not dad's daughter. I told her I completely got my dad's family feeling like they do.
And I told her I thought it was weird that she did the shirts for my grandparents when she told them she was pregnant. My mom told me she was finding it hard to look at me while I was taking their side. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
The baby is no relation to your grandparents and your mother needs to accept that. She cannot force relationships. She's an AH if she thinks she can.
As much as it's not your sister's fault, she isn't their family and your grandparents have no obligation to treat her like she is. I find it a bit weird that she expects them to treat her like they do you and your brother knowing that too.
Hasn't her husband got family/parents who are that little girls actual grandparents? I feel bad for the baby in all of this, she's innocent, she didn't ask to be put in the position.
I feel like your mum should have known things would change once she had a baby with how they reacted to her new husband. I can understand your mum being a bit hurt but it's weird that she keeps pushing this when they've made their feelings clear. NTA for saying what you said.
Impressive-Month-413 (OP)
My mom's family aren't close or involved in each other's lives. We met them a few times but it wasn't really a family. That was more dad's side for all of us. Her husband's family are involved and close.
Where is the new guys family? Are they considering you two to be their grandkids? This is ridiculous! I see so many posts of this nature, and I just don't understand where people get these ideas. UGH. No, if course your NTA.
NTA, your mom seems a bit psycho, I would say she's the one that needs therapy... Not you and your brother, the two of you seem to know the truth and are refusing to live in your moms fantasy world.