'AITA for teaching my daughter the importance of sleep?' 'She HATES bedtime.'
"AITA for teaching my daughter the importance of sleep?"
Just like any other kid, my (7 yo) daughter HATES bedtime. If it’s ever 9:59 and we tell her it’s bed time then she will make a huge court case about how we are depriving her of one minute of her life.
I always let it go but this week when I told her it’s bed time at 10:05 she protested. Essentially she didn’t understand why she had to go to bed while the rest of us adults stayed up later. It’s unfair that we get to enjoy the rest of our night while she has to go to bed early.
I mean she’s not wrong, it definitely makes more sense for me to go to bed early as well since all of us wake up roughly around the same time but I needed her to understand the consequence of the trade off between sleep and early mornings.
So I told her okay…she can stay up as long as she wants. Hell, if we go to bed, she can keep watching tv all night till the next morning. Her eyes glimmered and she did her little victory dance before sitting on the sofa and enjoying her little win. My wife protested saying that she’ll be too tired for school tomorrow and I said “that’s the point."
I went to bed and woke up at 7 am, sure enough my daughter slept on the sofa probably about 2 hours before I woke up. Understandably, getting her to wake up and get ready for school was a battle that neither of us enjoyed. I dropped her off at school and picked her up again after work, she was DONE with the day and slept in the car on the way home.
Once we got home, she tried to go to bed and I told her she can’t because her swimming lesson is in an hour so she needs to get ready for that. She cried but I still forced her to go with her mom. She came back just barely able to make it through the day, and tried making her way up the stairs again. I told her she forgot about her homework and she started crying again.
My wife said we should let her sleep, but I was firm on my stance that if we let her off the hook right now, then she will never understand the consequences of her decision. Delaying responsibilities due to factors within your control isn’t okay and I don’t want her learning that it is.
I helped her with her homework and by the time it was 8 she was already in bed. The next night when it was 10 she didn’t even protest, just started walking up to her bedroom and declined when I asked her if she wanted to stay up with us.
I thought the mission was a success, but my wife questioned my parenting technique and said it was border line neglectful and manipulative. I disagreed, but after a few conversations with friends and family I’m slowly starting to doubt myself…so, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Marmot_Mountain said:
NTA at all...Although we have different parenting techniques, yours worked. I made my kids go to bed at 8. And yes, they had tantrums, but hey, that wore them out! As they got older (9, 10) I made them a deal...
They could stay up until 9 ( to watch DragonBall Z) as long as there were NO PROBLEMS getting up and ready in the morning. If one of them was late or not ready in time the next morning, that night they went to bed at 8. It was interesting that at 6:30 am I didn't have to yell, they yelled at each other. Problem solved.
Halleaon said:
NTA, but 10 is way too late for a 7 year old to be staying up. The national sleep association recommends a child of that age getting to bed by 8 at the latest, Hell, I think when I was that age my bedtime was 7:30, a child her age needs 9-11 hours of sleep per night.
ZealousidealHome4499 said:
NTA. Better now than fighting for years. But your SEVEN year old goes to bed at 10? At that age my kids were in bed at 8, or else the whole house would be crabby.
Lex-tailonis said:
“I thought the mission was a success but my wife questioned my parenting technique and said it was border line neglectful & manipulative.” You didn’t cut her finger off you just kept her awake. I say bravo! And I’m impressed it only too one cycle. NTA.
FigBurn said:
YTA. 7 years old is way too late to start teaching your kid sleep hygiene and 10 pm is way too late for a 7 year old to be up. A child that age needs about 10 hours of sleep. Your plan of exhausting her so she sleeps sounds like a punishment rather than a strategy to encourage healthy habits.
justnotthatwitty said:
You taught your daughter a lesson, which is fine, but I still say YTA because (1) you had her up til 10 to begin with, (2) you jump straight to “naughty kid won’t go to bed” and don’t stop to question why your daughter feels left out & wants more time with her parents at night, and (3) you left the hard follow through to your wife then act kind of smug that what “you” did worked.
Emsogib said:
YTA because it's your fault she has the problem in the first place. She's 7, 10pm on a school night is too late and of course she, as a young child, won't understand the issue at hand when you already let her stay up way longer than she should. Especially if you are letting her watch TV until 10pm, are there not other more enriching hobbies she could be doing with all the time awake you give her?
Snoo-88741 said:
IMO YTA, because you made a unilateral decision and bowled over your wife. I don't think this is bad parenting at all, and would be willing to do the same, but you and your wife are supposed to be a team, and you're supposed to discuss how to discipline your child together and come to an agreement. Not just decide something and keep going with it despite your partner’s protests.