Team excludes their coworker from lunch because of her dietary restrictions. AITA? 'She could've joined us.'

"AITA for not inviting my coworker to a team lunch because of her dietary preferences?"

I'm a 32yo project manager at a tech company, and we have a small, tight knit team. Every month, we go out for lunch to bond and unwind from the stress of our projects. Last month, I organized a lunch at a local BBQ place, which is a favorite among most of the team.

However, one of my coworkers, Priya, follows a strict Jain diet, which means she doesn't eat meat, eggs, or root vegetables like onions, garlic, potatoes, etc. I thought she might feel uncomfortable at a BBQ joint, so I didn't invite her, thinking I was being considerate.

She mentioned that she could have joined us for the company and maybe ordered a side salad or brought her own food. I hadn't considered that option, and I felt terrible for making her feel left out.

The situation has created a bit of tension in the team. Some colleagues think I was just trying to be thoughtful, while others believe I should have included Priya regardless of the menu. I attempted to smooth things over by suggesting we have our next lunch at a place with more diverse options, but the awkwardness lingers.

I genuinely didn't mean to offend Priya or make her feel excluded. I was trying to avoid putting her in an uncomfortable situation, but now I realize I might have fucked up. I value our team dynamic and don't want this to create a rift. Was AITA for assuming she'd prefer not to come, and how can I make it right?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

PomegranateZanzibar said:

She feels excluded because you excluded her. All you had to do was ask her what she wanted.

Mizz-Robinson said:

YTA. If it’s a work team anything and you exclude someone on purpose, that’s going to cause tension. If you haven’t already, try telling her you made a mistake and you’re sorry, and also that you know you brought tension to the team without ever meaning to. Then listen.

Away-Understanding34 said:

YTA...if it's a team lunch, every member of the team needs to be invited. The choice is then on them to attend or not. It's not up to you to make that decision. Why don't you alternate with everyone's favorite places?

SuccessfulAd4606 said:

Yes, of course YTA, how is it possible you have a responsible job yet it never occurred to you that there would be menu items that would accommodate her?

Animals_are_Angels87 said:

YTA. Honestly she could speak to HR about this if she wanted to. You excluded her from something the rest of the team was invited to because of her diet. I'm hoping you are truly that clueless, because otherwise it's sort of cruel.

I can't imagine how hurt she feels and likely no longer feels part of the team. Also, the BBQ restaurant may be a favorite but wasn't necessary. As a team leader its up to you to respect everyone and make a comfortable team environment.

My suggestion is that you speak to your entire team together. You need to take a hit here and admit that in trying to make sure she was comfortable you did just the opposite.

You likely have other people on your team now wondering when they will be the one slighted. Just tell them it was a mistake and ask them how you can do better to make sure the environment works for everyone.

firefly232 said:

Yes YTA. It's not a team lunch if you exclude someone without even asking them. It's not a very inclusive workplace if you can't take the time to be aware of and cater to the dietary restrictions of all team members.

HoshiJones said:

YTA. While I guess your intention was good, who has a work lunch with the whole team except one person?? It's almost inconceivable that you thought that was an appropriate thing to do.