Teen daughter purposefully exposes deathly allergic stepsister to nuts, dad won't divorce. AITA?
"AITA for not leaving my wife so my daughter could live with me?"
My wife and I have been married for 7 years. We both have 15 year old daughters. My wife's daughter has lived with her dad her entire life. My wife is an excellent mother but her ex was moving across the country and she knew he could give her a better life than she can. 2 years later they moved back to his home country, approximately 12-18 hours from us by plane.
They flew my wife out to visit them a few times a year and they sent her to visit us during her summer vacation. He got a job approximately a half hour from us so we've had her 50/50 for the past few months. The thing is, we have a 2 bed/1 bath house in a good neighborhood.
My daughter has had her own room her entire life and she did not take it well when she heard she had to share. She's tried blocking my stepdaughter from their room, threw her stuff out the window, and tries to make my stepdaughter uncomfortable so she'll leave.
Last week my stepdaughter got here, sat on her bed, and almost immediately ran out coughing and covered in a rash. My wife had to use her daughter's epipen and called 911 (we didn't have a car at home). She and her ex got into a fight at the hospital and she got kicked out and her ex is refusing to allow stepdaughter into the house. Ex is legally able to do this because he has full custody.
We have a camera to monitor the dogs and if the bedroom door is open, you can see into the girls room. We had also just moved the camera and hasn't gotten around to telling my daughter yet.
We decided to check the cameras and we saw my daughter bringing nuts into the room and eating them on my stepdaughter's bed before touching everything my stepdaughter owns.
My stepdaughter is deathly allergic to nuts. Nuts are not allowed in the house but you are allowed to eat them in the garage and you have to scrub your hands before you come back in.
My wife, understandably, was furious when she saw it. She stormed into the girls' room, started screaming at my daughter, and told her to get the f--ck out of her house. I talked my wife into letting my daughter pack a bag and I arranged for my brother to pick her up.
My wife is adamant that my daughter is no longer allowed to step foot inside her house. We filed a police report and the plan is for her to stay in a group home or boarding school for the next couple years.
Now my family and my daughter's mom are pressuring me to leave my wife so I don't have to send my daughter away, but I'm refusing to leave and I agree with my daughter's punishment because she nearly killed a person and caused my wife to lose her daughter (ex isn't letting her into his house).
Now I'm being called a bad parent by everyone except my brother, who is putting her to work on his farm until we find a more permanent arrangement, for "choosing my wife over my kid." AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about about this one:
United_Pie_5484 said:
Your daughter tried to murder your stepdaughter, there are consequences for attempting to kill someone. NTA, and I hope you follow through with charges against her.
Disastrous-Sthe said:
Your daughter would've been charged with a harsh crime if your wife's daughter died. That point needs to be driven into anyone's head that says you are too harsh. Something is not right with that child, and she needs intense therapy.
YellowBeastJeep said:
NTA. Your daughter literally attempted murder...She should absolutely not be allowed near the person she almost killed, or that person’s family.
Ok-Map-6599 said:
NTA. This is a hard punishment for your daughter to bear, but she did an absolutely terrible thing. She acted with intent to seriously harm your stepdaughter and essentially risked her life for this little stunt. 15 is young, but not too young to understand the gravity of her transgression.
If your wife is to have any chance of salvaging her relationship with her daughter, she needs to demonstrate that she has acted decisively to protect her daughter from further harm in this situation. If you leave your wife then your daughter gets (at least part of) what she wanted to achieve.
HoshiJones said:
What a terrifying thing she did, she tried to kill her stepsister. And why? So she wouldn't have to share a room. That's some pretty psychotic stuff, there. NTA.
relentpersist said:
Probably NTA. You’re not choosing your wife over your kid, you’re choosing to show your kid that her actions have serious consequences. If you leave your wife then won’t this little stunt basically accomplish EXACTLY what she wanted?
You might be the ahole in part for raising a child who would do this, I don’t think this kind of behavior happens in a vacuum. But I fail to see how “you’re right, let’s make sure you do get your own room here and never have to see stepdaughter again just like you wanted!” Is teaching the kind of life lesson about attempted murder that you want it to.