'AITA for telling my dad I'll never celebrate his new wife on Mother's Day?'
Teen (16M) refuses to celebrate Mother's Day with a woman he doesn't consider his mom.
Existing-Judge6669 writes:
My mom died when I was seven, which was a hard loss. My dad remarried when I was ten, and I'm now sixteen. For the first four years, my dad and stepmom were okay with me not celebrating her on Mother's Day. The last couple of Mother's Days has been more difficult.
Dad has tried to get me to buy her a Mother's Day card and to spend the day with her. I have always said no. Then about a month ago, they decided that since my half-sister will be one when the day comes around next year, we should do a vacation and make my stepmom the star of the day.
I said they could go, but I won't be, and that she will never be my main priority on Mother's Day, but if they want a day where I focus on her, they can pick Stepmother's Day or something. My dad said he had enough of me denying her Mother's Day.
I told him she's a mother now, so she can have her child and celebrate her for Mother's Day, but she is not my mother, and she is not even the woman I consider my primary mother figure. That goes to my paternal grandma, who I am very close to and who agrees with me. Grandma and my dad have fought over this.
She said she might be his mother, but she was also the only mother my mom ever knew (her mom abandoned her as a baby, and she was raised by a father who resented her), and she loved her like a daughter and understood why I wanted mother's day to be for my mom.
My stepmom asked me why I couldn't celebrate my mom another day. Make her birthday the day when she's my main thought and focus on her, who is living, breathing, feeling, and she said, most importantly, she has been in my life almost longer than my mom.
She asked how I could have known her as a mom for six years and not want to celebrate her on the day for moms. I told her I never knew her as my mom. I have never once looked at her and felt that bond or thought of her in that way.
I told her when I think of 'mom', I think of my mom, and if I hear mom figure, it's my grandma, not her. I said she doesn't even make the list. I told her that since she is my stepmom, another day is fine. But not Mother's Day.
My dad told me I had a rotten attitude and to think about the embarrassment my stepmom will feel if they took a trip for Mother's Day, and I refused to go and make it special for her. Refusing her Mother's Day is like saying her contribution doesn't matter. He also said picking another day that hardly anyone knows about is not a compromise; it's shaming her. AITA?
Here are some of the top comments from the post.
Comfortable-Sea-2454 says:
NTA (Not the A%$hole) - your dad simply isn't hearing what you are saying: 'I told her when I think of mom, I think of my mom, and if I hear mom figure, it's my grandma, not her. I said she doesn't even make the list. I told her that since she is my stepmom, another day is fine. But not mother's day.'
You are not being rude; you are being honest. Spend Mother's Day with your Grandma and celebrate her and her influence in your life.
OnlymyOP says:
NTA. You're lucky enough to have treasured memories of your mom before she passed, so it's understandable why you feel no one can ever replace her.
I also see why your father is frustrated, but he is wrong to try and force this relationship with your stepmom, especially when you already have a mother figure in your grandma.
Party_Werewolf_358 says:
NTA, I'm going to say something(s) opinionated. Mother's Day is stupid. All holidays and gift-giving should be optional. Do we need to be required to buy things for people on all the correct occasions and celebrate all these stupid holidays in a way that pleases everyone with no conflicts? It's freakin exhausting, and I hate all of it—end rant.
Your stepmom needs to chill; she won't suffer if you don't make her the 'star of Mother's Day. Get her a card when you want to say what you want. Any more than that is making way too much of things. Life is hard enough; let's not make it harder.
What do you think? Is OP's dad right? Should he celebrate his stepmom or is OP right in refusing to celebrate anyone besides his late mother and grandmother?