'AITA to tell my boyfriend's grandma to stop asking me for money and demanding help?'
"WIBTA to tell my (27F) boyfriend (29M) grandma to stop demanding/asking me for money?"
I’ll change a few things up in case this story gets around but the basic gist is, my boyfriend grandmother keeps asking me for (which has now escalated into demanding) money.
We will call the grandma Carol and my boyfriend Alex.
Carol called a bunch of folks up in their family one day and said she was doing a fundraiser for the church. The way you determine your donation amount is by doubling your shoe size. So everyone’s donation was a bit different collectively but that was the formula so to speak. Shortly after we first met, he told me that his grandma and his mom tend to ask for money a lot.
I have seen this firsthand of them asking for money or having familial disagreements over money. It’s not chump change either, he works hand but still has his own bills to pay and worry about as well as attempt to have a bit of a savings account. Alex and I have just redone our budget to get our debts paid down and also to make a savings goal.
Not that this is information she needs to know but I personally planned my check out to the last like $20 which was a buffer from check to check after all of our other obligations are met. I say all of that to say, at the time of her asking, I really didn’t have the donation amount. I’m not in the business of going into my personal savings for something like this.
Also, because of the frequency with which they ask for money - I told Alex that I would not be participating in any of the fundraisers they do nor would I be having money talks with them because our/my money is our/my business, not theirs.
Well Carol has been asking for this money for over a month now which granted, isn’t a lot. But it’s the principle behind it. You can ask, but once you get your answer…you have your answer. She has been increasingly demanding it rather than asking. She has put me in Group FaceTime calls with other family members that I refuse to answer.
She called Alex and argued with him to give me the phone for this money. Now to his credit, he shut it down immediately. But now I feel like if I don’t address her myself, it’s going to turn into a whole thing. Bottom line is I’m not participating, and no is a complete sentence. I don’t agree with her volunteering my money to something she didn’t run by me first either. It’s just not cool.
But would it be out of line for me to reach out to her directly and tell her to stop? I don’t feel comfortable with her demanding money from me even if it’s for a good cause. I already do my share of donations and help in my own way within my immediate community. I’m not heartless or anything. But it really is just the principle behind it and the fact that she is not taking no for an answer from him.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
bahahaha wrote:
Ask for money yourself every few months so everyone thinks you are broke.
OP responded:
Lol this is actually such a funny idea, that would sure send a message haha.
sosopandicornio1 wrote:
Why is he trying to reach into your wallet? Next time they ask just mention that they are tight on money and you can't do it and that's it.
OP responded:
I have no clue why she is doing this. It’s really uncomfortable though, and strange.
DaisySam3130 wrote:
Contact the church. Tell them that you thank them for their message and request for a donation, via Grandma but you are unable to help this time round. Then sit back and wait... and if she doesn't find out. Tell her that you already told the church that you couldn't help out this time. and then make popcorn and watch the show...
pokeandhope wrote:
I had a person like that in my life. Every single time I had them on the phone I always started by saying “I don’t have any money” and then “was it anything else you wanted?” Those phone calls got really short after that 😂
Own_Ranger3236 wrote:
NTA its his family and I’d just let him keep handling it since it sounds like he’s ready and willing to do so. But it’s unclear, is he donating his money? If he’s handing over his money at every guilt trip, that’s gonna be your money too if you guys keep going with commingling finances and budgeting for the future.
It’s be worth a conversation to thank him for standing up for you and to decide how you both want to handle things going forward.
CSurvivor9 wrote:
If she pins you down, just say no. Alex should tell them you're off limits from the constant money grab. But it sounds like they won't listen. Sounds awful deal with. But you can mute her so you don't hear when she tries to call or message you. Muting annoying people saved my sanity. Later, when I saw the texts, I'd just delete it and move on.
shdfx1 wrote:
NTA. I would add a few things. Don’t combine finances with someone you’re just dating. Also, ascertain whether Alex keeps giving money he can’t afford to his family. If he does, then don’t marry him. They aren’t going to change, and will be just as exhausting for the duration of your relationship with this guy. Alex needs to tell them to seriously stop.
gou0018 wrote:
NTA I understand is not easy to ditch the conversation about money so make it about her religion🤣 Say you know "god will provide" so don't worry if we can't contribute if you have faith miracles can happen I'll pray for that.
Then stop listening to any arguments and just reply to anything they say with "thank you JESUS you will provide oh thank the Lord" I'm going to pray now so you will reach the ammount, Hallelujah praise Jesus!!!🙌🙌