'WIBTA if I tell my ex’s current girlfriend that he cheated on me with her?'
"WIBTA if I tell my ex’s current girlfriend that he cheated on me with her?"
I (22F) was in a long-distance relationship with my ex (20M), let’s call him Enzo. We met through an online game, hit it off, and after a while of him pursuing me (even after initially backing off because of the distance), I agreed to date him.
We were together for about a year and a half. We never met in person due to being in different countries and still in school, but we were very committed—or at least I thought we were.
Towards the end of our relationship, he became really distant. He’d get weirdly defensive over simple questions, like who he was hanging out with or what he was up to.
Eventually, he accidentally added me and another girl to the same group chat, which is how I found out he had been seeing someone else. She had even visited him, and based on the timing, I’m pretty sure it overlapped with our relationship.
I never confronted him directly, but shortly after that incident, he told me he “needed space” and broke up with me. He denied there was anyone else and blamed the distance. I didn’t push it—I was hurt and just tried to move on.
Fast forward three months, and now I’m seeing stories of him and the same girl vacationing together. It seems like they’re a full-on couple. I’m fairly certain she doesn’t know I existed or that he was in a relationship with me when they started seeing each other.
Now I’m torn. A part of me wants to reach out to her—not to be petty or sabotage their relationship—but because I think she deserves to know the truth. I think anyone in her position would deserve to know.
Another part of me wonders if I should just leave it alone and not risk looking like a bitter ex trying to stir up drama. Would it be wrong to message her? If I did, what would be the right way to say it? Thanks in advance for any advice.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Hey, I understand your feelings. If you choose to tell her, do it kindly and honestly, focusing on your experience without blame. It’s about sharing your truth, not causing drama. Trust your gut on what feels right.
You have nothing to gain by doing that. Just get a clean break, and stay away from all the drama. NTA for wanting to do it, but it would be a mistake to involve yourself into additional drama.
NTA. I understand the urge to do it. Heck it’ll help her as a sister understand the kind of person she’s dating But maybe bygones should be bygones You dont need all that drama anymore.
Kind of TA move. Maybe she did know about you, maybe she gave him an ultimatum and that's why he broke it off with you. You have no idea how or when their relationship started but it's apparently going well.
I don't buy that you're so noble and feel she "deserves to know the truth". You don't know what she does or doesn't know and their relationship is none of your business. You never met this guy in person, move on.
NTA. However, you might regret it. Is it more about hurting him or helping her? They may just team up against you if you get involved again. Too many variables; probably best to stay out of it. He'll show his true colors soon enough...
Have you ever even met this guy in person? Sounds like he has a real relationship offline and is moving in with his life. Maybe you should do the same.
You need to stop cyberstalking this person you never have had an in person conversation with. You are not certain that “she doesn’t know I existed or that he was in a relationship with me when they started seeing each other.” of this or anything other than the fact that he does not want to be in a LD/online relationship with you and was clear about it.
You do not know his gf either?!
Spend time with ppl - IRL. You deserve better. NAH.
I hate to say it, but you weren't ever in a true romantic relationship with him. You were close online friends who shared a lot, I'm sure. If you don't physically meet someone even once in the first 18 months, it is not a true romantic relationship. Without a physical component, at least once, it's just a very close and intimate online friendship.
No need to tell the new girl that you were in a relationship for 18 months. He would tell her it was just an online friendship, and nothing physical, if you tried to tell her it was anything else.
She won't care, online relationships don't really mean anything especially since he let it go as soon as he found a real girl. The only reason you'd want to do this is to get back at the guy, if that will make you feel better, go for it, but it may backfire and make you feel worse in the long run.
No dates. No physical contact. Never even met in person. What you had, at best, was an emotional relationship. I'm sure you were heavily invested and obviously feel betrayed. But what exactly do you hope to gain by telling her? Payback? Revenge? Moral satisfaction? Not sure how any of those are gonna change anything.
She may not believe you or even consider it cheating if she does. And it's possible she may think you're more of a weirdo than the possibility it actually happened. Seems like a lot of energy to waste for very little reward. Personally, I'd consider it as a lesson learned and move on.