'AITA for telling my sister her 'miracle baby' isn’t special?'
"AITA for telling my sister her 'miracle baby' isn’t special?"
So, I feel like a complete jerk even writing this, but I’m seriously at the end of my rope. My sister (32F) has been trying to have a baby for a long time. She’s had a couple of miscarriages, went through multiple rounds of IVF, and finally, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy a couple of months ago. I (27M) was really happy for her at first, and I know how much this meant to her.
But ever since the baby came, she’s been acting like she’s the first person in the history of the world to have a child. Every single conversation turns into a speech about her “miracle baby” and how hard her journey was. I get that it wasn’t easy, but she’s milking it for everything.
It’s gotten to the point where she expects everyone to put their lives on hold for her and the baby. Like, my parents were planning a trip for their anniversary and she guilted them into canceling it so they could help with the baby. She even asked me to take time off work to come over and “support her” (which really just meant running errands and cleaning her house).
The breaking point came at a family dinner last weekend. She went on (again) about how “blessed” she is, how she’s the only one who understands real struggle, and how no one can relate to her unless they've been through the same thing.
After 30 minutes of this, I just couldn’t take it anymore and said something like, “We get it, you had a baby. That’s great, but you’re not more important than anyone else. You’re not the only person who’s ever had a kid.”
She immediately started crying, my mom called me cruel, and now half my family is pissed at me. They all think I’m heartless and jealous or something. I’m not, I just feel like she’s using the baby to manipulate everyone. AITA?
EDIT: My sister doesn’t have a baby daddy in the picture, she went into IVF without one, which means she’s handling everything on her own. This situation forces her to lean heavily on our parents, me, and the rest of the family for support.
While I understand she needs help, it can feel overwhelming when it seems like all the responsibility falls on us. To make matters worse, she has much more money than the rest of the family and often insists we help pay for everything. I want to be supportive, but it’s tough when it feels like it’s all about her and the baby.
EDIT 2: I have my very own toddler and it feels pressuring to have to balance time with my own child's needs and hers because she insists I leave my job on multiple occasions and that I leave my toddler to my wife. This is also unfair because my beloved has always had me by her side whenever I'm off work.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Where's the father in all this? Why isn't he cleaning and letting Mom sleep on occasion?
SaveLARRY OP responded:
That’s a fair question. There’s no dad in the picture; she went through IVF on her own. It puts a lot of pressure on her to handle everything alone, which makes it tough for everyone.
She chose to become a single parent and she chose everything that goes with it. I raised my kids on my own as did millions of other women.
I have a friend who did IVF on her own. Never once have I needed to take off work to help her.
No, you’re definitely not the only one who thinks that. Just because a baby is born doesn’t automatically make it a "miracle." Sorry sis, but millions of people have babies every day. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. But congrats on the baby!
SaveLARRY OP responded:
Totally agree! Having a baby is a big deal, but it doesn’t mean everything has to revolve around her now. I’m happy for her, but she’s not the only one who’s ever had a baby. Hopefully, she realizes that soon without making it a bigger issue.
It’s pretty normal for people to talk at nauseam about their lives and the things important to them. Not normal for family members to harbor such anger and hate towards it.
Furthermore, even if one were to be sympathetic with your feelings here, you could have just talked to her about it in a normal way rather than being a major tool about it. YTA
SaveLARRY OP responded:
I get your point; it’s normal for people to talk about important life events, and I could have handled it better. It’s just surprising that you think I should accept her constant need for attention without saying anything. I’ll try to be calmer next time, even if others don’t seem to notice.
Info: did she demand and give them an ultimatum or did she just let them know she's struggling and needs some support and help.
SaveLARRY OP responded:
She mainly let everyone know she was struggling and needed support, but her way of expressing it often came off as demanding. For instance, she would say things like, “I really need you here to help me with the baby,” which felt more like an expectation rather than a request for help. It created a sense of pressure for everyone to prioritize her needs above their own.
Yes, YTA. Infertility is traumatic. Learn empathy.
SaveLARRY OP responded:
I get your point, and I know infertility is tough. I didn’t mean to seem unsympathetic; I just felt overwhelmed by everything changing. I’ll try to be more understanding, even if it’s hard to watch her make it all about herself. Thanks for the reminder.
So there are 1,440 minutes in day. Lets say your sister gushes about her baby for 5 minutes of your day. That is .003% of your day. And this is how you react. “We get it, you had a baby. That’s great, but you’re not more important than anyone else. You’re not the only person who’s ever had a kid.” You are a very emotionally shallow person. Grow the F up