Bridesmaid skips wedding after bride implies she would 'stand out in a bad way.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my best friend the truth about why I skipped their wedding?"
So here’s the deal: my best friend (30F), let’s call her Anna, recently got married. We’ve been super close since college, and I (31F) was thrilled when she asked me to be her maid of honor. I helped her plan the wedding, threw her a bachelorette party, and even handled some last-minute vendor drama.
Then came the dress fitting. The bridesmaid dresses Anna picked were not great for my body type (I’m plus-size), but I didn’t say anything because it was her day. However, during the fitting, Anna made a comment like, “Well, at least you’re in the back for most of the photos!” Everyone laughed, but I felt humiliated.
Later, I told her privately that her comment hurt my feelings. Instead of apologizing, she said, “I didn’t mean it like that, but you know the dress wasn’t made for… curvier girls. I figured you’d get that.”
I didn’t push it, but I started to feel weird about the whole wedding. Over the next few weeks, she made other small digs about my appearance, like joking about me needing “extra fabric” for alterations. I decided to step back emotionally, but I didn’t want to ruin her day, so I planned to suck it up.
The night before the wedding, Anna called and asked if I could step aside during the bouquet toss because she wanted “all eyes on the bridesmaids,” implying I would stand out in a bad way. That was the final straw for me. I told her I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t attend the wedding.
When Anna texted afterward asking why I really missed the wedding, I told her the truth: her comments made me feel like she didn’t value me as a friend, and I couldn’t face being there. She blew up, saying I ruined her day, made it all about me, and embarrassed her in front of everyone by ghosting her wedding.
Our mutual friends are split—some think I should’ve just gone and dealt with it for one day, while others think Anna crossed a line. So, AITA for skipping my best friend’s wedding and telling her the real reason why?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You should have left after the dress fitting . I’m Not trying to be mean but sounds like she kept you as a friend because she thought she looked better when you are together . She has done nothing at this point to prove you are her friend and any friend who blames you should be blocked and go NC with.
NTA. Anna is NOT your friend, and is every bad word I won’t put into in this post. She gaslit you for weeks up until the wedding, probably thinking you’d be okay with her abuse as that was supposed to be part of the MOH role… news flash, it’s not.
You skipped the wedding because 1) you have self-respect, 2) I believe you also wanted to skip the drama she may have caused. I’m sorry she treated you so abysmally, but I’m the long run, you’re better off not having a friend like that in your life.
NTA. Anna’s comments were really hurtful and you were honest about how they made you feel. You didn’t ruin her day, she did that by making you feel less than. You deserve to feel respected, especially by your closest friends. If she can’t understand that, it says more about her than you.
NTA. you did what you think will be good for your mental health. It sounds like she just wants you there so that she can make fun of you. I wouldn't consider her a friend at all.
She is not a "friend." I am plus sized too. I don't expect everyone to like it and if I somehow "ruin" the pictures, do not include me from the beginning at all. I am super impressed you did not attend the wedding AND stood up to her after. Now that the friends are "split," you know who your true friends are.
NTA. I’m surprised you hung in that long. This is not a friend. When I got married someone commented my bridesmaids certainly made me standout. I was petite as was a bridesmaid. The other 3 were bigger, I don’t know anyone who 50+ years ago would have picked bridesmaids by size. These were my friends. Lose her.
What????? Your mutual friends are split? Anna is a mean girl. In what world is it ok to ask someone to be in your wedding and then break them down. That is mental abuse and harassment. She is not a friend, but a bridezilla without any common sense. I am sad that larger woman have to put up with this. Anna ruined her own day.
OP, I don't know how you missed your bestie being a narc. That doesn't happen in a vacuum - And I daresay that people need to stop ignoring signs of this because of it being in their comfort zone. It really sucks and I feel for you, but i'd have been out the door as soon as she targeted me. And furthermore, without sparing her feelings. Some people need to be told the truth.
The friends/family who say you should’ve sucked it up don’t have any idea what true friendship means. And neither does Anna. I think you were a saint for staying as long as you did! Anna seemed to want you around to take shots at, which made her feel better about herself. She’s a loser!
Your friend is mean and shallow. Don’t feel bad about what you did. It may embarrass you a little but I would not hesitate to relates your ex friends comments if you get asked by someone about why you didn’t attend. She is probably spinning a story which paints a very different picture.