Pregnant woman left devastated as boyfriend admits affair, says he’s 'not attracted' to her anymore. AITA?
"AITA for telling my boyfriend don’t be surprised if I’m not attracted to you after I give birth."
Candid_Role_8931
When my boyfriend and I got together he had told me that he wasn’t initially interested in my looks cause I didn’t fit what he usually went for (I was naturally fit due to a high metabolism and doing yoga 4 times a week) but after he in his words “saw how I looked naked” said he couldn’t get enough.
My boyfriend has said from the start of our relationship that he is someone who loves physical affection and I grew up in a house where we didn’t have physical affection so it was a pretty big adjustment but I learned to love it honestly.
We have been together for over 2 years when I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified but he told me we would do this together and even though it was scary we would do it together.
We found out we were having twins around 10 weeks and this caused a lot of anxiety for me because I was told how big I would get and how much I would stretch and being someone who has never had much weight to me it was scary.
I sat down with my boyfriend and told him that I was scared that not only would I not love myself but how scared I was of him losing interest in me ( yes it’s pretty low in problems when growing a baby but it took me a long time to look in the mirror and like what I saw). He told me that he has always been excited to be a dad and that he thinks me carrying our children is “so hot”.
Fast forward and I am now 29 weeks and measuring the size of a full term pregnancy with a singleton pregnancy. I’m huge and have really struggled with the weight because my body hasn’t handled it well so I was put in high risk by my OBGYN because she is worried my body will give out due to the weight.
Since about 23 weeks my boyfriend has started to pull away with affection this is anything from kissing me to having intimacy. So this has caused me to have very low self esteem but I started seeing a therapist and have recently started trying to cope and love myself and one thing she told me to put myself out there and see if maybe me “getting him in the mood and pampering him” did anything to help.
I did everything I could to make the night special for him candles, his favorite dinner, a massage for him, just whatever I thought he would like. After the massage I tried to turn it more you know and he turned me down.
At this point it’s been over a month since he has given me anything from a compliment about my body so when he turned me down it wrecked me, I waited till he fell asleep then I cried for awhile in the bathroom.
I decided that when he woke up I would talk to him to see if there was anything I could do more for him or if I could do anything better. This conversation started by him saying he just wasn’t attracted to me and that all he sees is someone growing a child.
I asked if him seeing me this way meant that I didn’t deserve compliments and affection of any kind and he said he loves me just as much as before but he can’t separate me from the child and it makes him feel gross.
This caused me to become angry and I said something I regretted which was “ well don’t be surprised if I wasn’t attracted to him a after I give birth and you would be lucky if when I bounce back if I even want to touch you” this caused us both to stop and he said “that’s not the same and it’s hurtful that you would keep intimacy from me”.
I feel horrible for what I said because I know that what I said wasn’t true but in the moment I felt so hurt. I did apologize but he said I was out of line and now he is hurt and can’t stop thinking about what will happen when I give birth. So AITA?
Update: He was sleeping with someone else. He came home drunk crying saying how it’s been hard for him to even look at me after sleeping with a woman from work and he was sorry it took me asking about this change in behavior to tell me.
Thank you for all the advice and putting things in perspective. I never thought this shit would happen at 22 and having twins in a few months but at least now I have some clarity. He has been begging and crying at our bedroom door for me to talk to him for over an hour about me not leaving him. Thanks again.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MitchenImpossible
That update hurts my soul. Forget your boyfriend. Leave him and research how to go about getting child support from that piece of trash.
noboobsjustbeer
Him cheating on you and then trying to make you feel bad about yourself and your body for carrying your child makes this absolutely toxic behaviour and there is no coming back from this. Don't listen to his begging, someone who would do this to you - especially in this Situation - is not likely to change. It's very hard but you should definitely leave him.
Oh_Wiseone
Of course it’s the same thing. He can’t show you any affection ? Hold you - nothing ? That is ridiculous. I’m so sorry you are going through this. NTA.
Little_Kitchen8313
NTA - your husband needs to talk to somebody. He won't even kiss because you're pregnant? Also not sure about this therapist's advice. You should pamper him when you're heavily pregnant. Get lost lol he should be pampering you.
Remarkable_Ad2733
He is actively withholding even non sexual affection from his pregnant wife and went DARVO on her when she asked him to stop of course it’s the bloody same NTA.