'AITA for telling my cousin that his emotional needs aren't my problem and to get a job?'
"AITA for telling my cousin that his emotional needs aren't my problem and to get a job?"
My (23M) cousin (30M) and his GF (32F) recently had to move out of their place after his girlfriend lost her job. My cousin has been unemployed for quite some time due to his mental health, which is a sore subject for him (this will be relevant later). His GF has been job searching, but it’s a long process and they need somewhere to stay in the meantime, so they’ve been staying with me and my roommate (22M).
I didn’t love this arrangement in the first place since we have a two-bedroom apartment and I’ve needed to move into my roommate’s room to make space, but it’s family and my roommate says he doesn’t mind having me in his room for now (plus my aunt is paying us) so whatever.
The problem is that my cousin and his GF have insisted on bringing their emotional support dog with them (not a service dog). It’s technically fine in terms of our lease and I don’t mind dogs in general so at first I said OK, but this thing has been a nightmare.
It’s loud, pees on our floors, and it chewed up one of our couch pillows. My cousin and his GF think this behavior is hysterical and endearing, but every time my roommate and I tried to bring up that we’d rather they find somewhere else for their dog, they go on and on about how they can’t possibly part with their “fur baby” and just will not hear it.
This all kind of culminated last night because my roommate had an important presentation this morning so he tried to go to bed early last night, but the dog would not stop barking.
My cousin and his GF were all like “awww she wants to play” but my roommate and I were pretty annoyed. I told my cousin that this arrangement was not working and that he needed to find somewhere else to put the dog.
He told me again that it’s their “fur baby”, and his GF started getting really upset and telling me we were making the dog feel unwelcome and it was like asking them to part with their child.
I told them that the dog is not a baby and that they need to take responsibility for it or find somewhere else for the three of them to stay. He reminded me that he needs the dog for emotional support and that his GF is trying to find a job and they have nowhere to go until then.
Partially out of anger, I told him that his emotional support needs weren’t my problem and that maybe he should try getting a job too. I know he’s had a rough time with his mental health and how that impacts employment so I think those two statements put together cut a little deeper than I intended, and he hasn’t been talking to me today and his girlfriend called me an ableist for what I said.
My aunt texted me this morning that my cousin and his GF plan on moving out this weekend with their dog and that I was way too harsh with him. I do understand why the comment had that effect on them and I feel bad for that, but it finally got the dog out of our place after we’ve been trying the gentler approach so I don’t really know what else I could’ve done. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
"He reminded me that ... his GF is trying to find a job and they have nowhere to go until then."
"My aunt texted me this morning that my cousin and his GF plan on moving out this weekend with their dog and that I was way too harsh with him."
Oh, so they did have somewhere to go after all. Phew. Was what OP said on the harsh side? Yes. Was it justified, in dealing with inconsiderate manipulative freeloaders? IMO, yes, and NTA.
NTA.
"Isn't it so cute and funny how our untrained dog keeps destroying your home?"
No, it's not. They're setting that dog up for failure because they're too lazy to properly train it. I love dogs, but they would have been out in a week if it was my home. And no, you're not ableist for what you said. It sounds like your cousin uses his mental illness as a shield from responsibility.
NTA. If a human baby was peeing on the floor, I'd have same sentiment. Screw everything else, having a creature just urinate in the home is inexcusable. If you need the dog for support, they care for it. Take it on walks, give it attention. That they laugh when they think their dog is barking for attention is sad. Why isn't dog getting attention??? They are being cruel to that animal.
NTA - i am so sick and tired of people using their mental health as an excuse to be cruddy, lazy, entitled human beings.
Kick them out!!! He's 32 years sponging off family. He and his gf are not your responsibility and frankly your roommate is being far more generous than they deserve. Kick them out now. NTA.
Oh geez. These people are the reason most landlords won't accept dogs. The dog is peeing everywhere And chewing things up because they are not active good owners. It is not cute destroy things. They should not have an animal if they cannot give it active time and proper training. This is not an emotional support dog. This is just a dog they don't want to give up.
NTA. Although I understand the sentiment of hitting them with something “below the belt,” it sounds like your cousin and his girlfriend have some immaturity issues. I understand how serious mental health can be in preventing him from finding work, but the way they talk to you and about this “fur baby” reads extremely childish.
Emotional support dogs do just that: support. Not make everyone’s life harder. You and your roommate are significantly younger, tight on space, and kind enough to let them stay with you guys, while YOU compromise the most. Not the AH, but they kind of are.