'AITA for telling my cousin I can't come to his wedding because of no child rule?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my cousin I can't come to his wedding because of no child rule?"

Fun-Imagination4145

My cousin is getting married at the end of August in California at a vineyard. No one in the family is in California so to go I need to get a hotel. Me, my mom, and brother found an AirBNB that relatively close.

Also I should mention my husband is posted abroad and won't be coming, I was going to fly to the US for this. The invite came out only three weeks ago and we had to scramble to find a place.

The issue now is that I have a 4 month old baby who only breastfeeds and won't take a bottle. She had to drink from an open cup one time because I needed to take a driving exam and that is the longest she has ever been away from me.

They just let us know that no children under 12 are allowed. So I told them that logistically I can't come. They suggested that me and my mother go back and forth to the AirBNB to watch the baby and I said it's just too big of a deal.

To fly all the way there, pay for an AirBNB and then go back and forth during the wedding. It just doesn't seem worth it, its a lot of effort to do all of that by myself with a small baby. The airbnb and plane are still refundable at this point.

My cousin is mad that I'm canceling as they paid per head and can't reduce the amount at this point. I said they can try and find someone else to invite. I said it's his fault that they didn't write the child rule on the invitation.

He said I should not be stingy and get a babysitter, I don't know anyone in that area of California and honestly paying for a babysitter on top of an AirBNB and flight is ridiculous to me. He says it standard to not bring children to weddings... So AITA for canceling close to the date because I can't bring my baby with me.

Edits for clarity: Short notice is because bride is pregnant. I live with my husband in Germany where he is posted. Baby already has passport because she is only US citizen.

Because of the shotgun nature the wedding, the invite consisted of a graphic image without particular guest names emailed to the guests. The RSVP system also let me choose up to three people(so I thought that was me, my baby, and my husband).

Update: Apparently about 30 people have canceled because of this and that's why they are complaining so much about the costs.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Lego_Panda_Bear

NTA. Who expects the parents of a four month old to find a babysitter in a strange place at the last minute. I flew back to the USA from overseas with a 10 month old and that was hard enough, alone with a four month old sounds daunting.

Do not let your cousin bully you. Cancel everything and stay home. If your mother and brother want the Airbnb they can cover your share, or find other accommodation.

Fun-Imagination4145 OP responded:

My mom said she almost doesn't want to go now. She'd rather spend the money to come see me lol.

Lego_Panda_Bear

I agree with your mom. Sounds like a more relaxing trip and a better way to see her new grand baby.

dueltone

Why do people think it's ok to give such short notice for international weddings?! I'd be planning on domestic & you'd better believe people would have a save the date, location & any deal-breaking rules up front 6 months in advance. Obviously emergencies happen, but they must've known the date, location & child-free plan well in advance of letting you know.

Boring-Article7511

Your cousin is trying to make his bad planning your problem. How ridiculous to to ask a mother to get a babysitter for a 4 month old baby who is breast fed, in a strange city where she doesn’t know anyone. Your cousin has clearly demonstrated that he is clueless. NTA … by a long shot!

Fun-Imagination4145 OP responded:

Also I should mention the shotgun wedding is because she is pregnant so it's all a little funny.

frankbeans82

They have no right to be mad and complain about any costs if you weren't told about the no child rule before your RSVPd. I'd tell them to fuck right off. What about your airline ticket? Are you able to get a refund for that? For them to change the rules is kind of BS when they got people booking stuff like that. NTA at all.

Indy-Lib

NTA! I had a similar issue years ago. I had a breastfeeding 8 week old and a wedding a five hour drive away. I could not leave my 8 week old overnight, so I would have to take her with us.

I offered to stand at the VERY BACK of the chairs at ceremony off to the side (away from the aisle) with my baby and to leave if she made a sound. And I offered to not go to the reception at all if they'd prefer.

They came back and said after much thought they didn't want to take the risk of the unpredictability of a baby at their wedding, and could I come without the baby. I understood, but I couldn't go.

Turns out they brought their dogs to the wedding who got loose mid ceremony and ran around like crazy and their social media post after was a picture of them laughing at one dog who had run up to the bride.

heir caption was something like, "Isn't that the beauty of weddings? It's all about the love that's there not everything going according to plan." Yeah, but an 8 week old would've been too much...

Strong_Arm8734

It's an invitation, not a summons. NTA.

OP came back with these edits and a small update:

Edits for clarity: Short notice is because bride is pregnant. I live with my husband in Germany where he is posted. Baby already has passport because she is only US citizen. Because of the shotgun nature the wedding, the invite consisted of a graphic image without particular guest names emailed to the guests.

The RSVP system also let me choose up to three people(so I thought that was me, my baby, and my husband).

Update: Apparently about 30 people have cancelled because of this and that's why they are complaining so much about the costs

Final update: They have decided that a child free wedding isn't feasible. They will also be setting up a children's play area.