'AITA for telling my coworker why customers might not like her?' 'She’s not getting as many tips.'
"AITA for telling my coworker why customers might not like her?"
I work at a restaurant as a server. One of my coworkers moved up here from Georgia for college and started working here a few months ago. She constantly lays on the “southern charm” thing thick. She calls everyone “honey” and “sweetie” and all of that.
She also tends to chit chat with people instead of just letting them eat after bringing them their food or drinks. It’s also kind of obvious that a lot of them don’t want to really talk to her, they give one word answers and she just barrels forward and talks at them. (Management has told her off more than once for this).
About two weeks ago she was upset because a customer yelled at her and said “Don’t call me that!” when she called her “honey” and she complains that she’s not getting as many tips as the other servers. She says it’s because she has a southern accent and customers think she’s stupid, but I don’t think that’s the case.
She asked me for advice, and I said it’s because she takes so long to bring things out and wastes time trying to make small talk. I also said that the excessive pet names sound kind of condescending, and they aren’t really something you would call a stranger here.
She told me that she wasn’t going to start being rude to customers because she would make even less money. I told her it’s not being rude, it’s just how things work here, and it’s rude to other customers she’s supposed to be serving when she spends all her time trying to make small talk instead of doing her job and calling them weird things.
Now she’s mad and has been avoiding me. Maybe I could have been gentler when trying to explain why people complain about her, but I was also really stressed because it’s Christmas season and so much is going on AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Waste_Worker6122 said:
NTA. Bit of a culture clash going on here. You've tried to help her fit in better with the locals and your boss has done the same. But she isn't listening to either of you. NTA.
MaddyKet said:
If you are in the Northeast, esp NY or New England, she really needs to listen to you because yeah we hate small talk! Her tips are only going to get worse. NTA she should listen to you, who actually knows how people are around wherever you are. You’re just trying to help.
stroppo said:
NTA. Maybe next time send her to your supervisor for advice. Though I grew up used to hearing waitresses say "honey," esp in a diner, so I don't find it that odd (west coast).
TemptingPenguin369 said:
NTA. She needs to read the room. Maybe her style works where she's from, but she's got to adapt to wherever she is. She also has to understand the difference between inserting herself into the guest experience by sticking around for chitchat, and "being rude."
I used to wait tables and while it's great to have regulars and develop a rapport with them, you can't do it at the expense of getting their food out quickly or inserting yourself into their conversations. I thought you were clear in explaining what you were seeing and the affect it was having on the guests.
LamzyDoates said:
People don't think she's dumb because of the accent. They think she's dumb because she doesn't listen. It's a job, not a social club. NTA.
gretta_smith93 said:
NTA, if that’s what you said and how you said it, then she wasn’t looking for any actual advice, she just wanted you to validate that there was nothing with what she was already doing. You giving her actual advice probably upset her because she can’t handle criticism.
GnocchCity82 said:
NTA. I’m a southerner still living in the south and I can’t stand the “sweetie, honey, sugar” terms of endearment. Don’t call me any of those terms unless we’re dating, and only in jest.