'AITA for telling my coworker to stop trauma-dumping on me during lunch breaks?'

"AITA for telling my coworker to stop trauma-dumping on me during lunch breaks?"

I (32F) work in a pretty fast-paced office, and lunchtime is kind of sacred for me — it's the one hour in the day where I can actually relax, scroll my phone, or just eat in peace. Recently, a new coworker, let’s call her Amy (29F), started sitting with me almost every day during lunch. At first, I didn’t mind. She seemed friendly, a bit quiet, but nice.

But then she started oversharing… a lot. Every time we sit down, she launches into something heavy — childhood trauma, toxic relationships, family drama, even therapy sessions. At first I tried to be supportive, thinking she just needed someone to talk to. But it’s become every single day. I leave lunch feeling drained instead of refreshed.

Last week, after yet another intense session where she cried over a story about her ex, I gently told her that maybe lunchtime isn’t the best space for these kinds of conversations. I said I didn’t want to be rude, but I need that hour to decompress. She got really quiet, then later sent me a message saying she felt rejected and that I lacked empathy.

Now I’m getting weird looks from a couple of other coworkers she talks to, and I’m wondering if I came off as cold. I do feel bad, but I also feel like it’s not fair to dump emotional weight on someone every day during a work break. AITA for telling her to stop trauma-dumping?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Global-Fact7752 said:

NTA...people like that drive me crazy.

GreenEyedPhotographr said:

NTA. She doesn't know what your life is like (she's probably never asked), probably doesn't care, and she's not respecting your time or your needs. You sounded polite when you told her lunch isn't the time or place for her conversations. I'd really like to know when it became mandatory to allow people to trauma dump. I don't recall a memo on it.

Your best response to this situation is to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I have a lot of my own things going on, so I prefer my lunchtime to sit quietly and clear my head. I'm sure you know how therapeutic that can be. Thanks for understanding." As for anyone giving you looks, they can either step up and take a turn at playing therapist for your coworker, or they can f off.

Ok_Act6049 said:

NTA, you should have charged her for being her therapist.

Nin-p said:

NTA. I had a similar experience. This new colleague (F, 30) also seemed very nice and we would sit together during lunch. For me, lunch break is also to decompress, trying to eat quickly and then use the remaining time to go for a walk, listen to a podcast, send a voice message to my friends, etc. This new colleague started to open up very quickly, and I also started to share myself.

But then it became very intense. She does not have a sense of time, so she could be talking for over an hour. I felt trapped as I did not want to be rude and interrupt. She later started to text me every time she had anxiety or something, which I understand and have empathy, but also I was not aware, nor asked to be designated as her support person, mind you, I knew her for a month or two.

I felt I was taking time from work to give her support and mental labour. Later, she would also talk about other colleagues, behind their backs, and I did not want to be part of this game. So I slowly started to detach myself, even eating at my desk. No, we only exchange a few words. I have nothing against her, but I feel better like this. I also find it important to keep work and professional life separate.

TeaLadyJane said:

NTA. You set a reasonable boundary. It is also not your responsibility to help her handle this perceived rejection. If anyone else has an issue, they can be her dumping ground. It's one thing to need to talk to someone once and a while, but it's quite another to constantly trauma dump.

MissMurderpants said:

NTA. I’d go to your manager or HR and tell them what happened and explain that you are not a trained therapist and learning all this personal info from Amy is very unprofessional and was uninvited.