'AITA for telling my dad to never contact me again after he chose his wife’s mom over me?'
"AITA for telling my dad to never contact me again after he chose his wife’s mom over me?"
Hi everyone, I (17F) am only really posting this since my dad’s family and even my mom are telling me that I’m in the wrong. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and they had 50/50 custody so I would stay with my dad for a week then my mom.
When I was 14 my dad got married to my stepmom (I refer to her as his wife) and I would only see them on the weekends until they moved and I only saw them whenever they visited (my mom got full custody)
Anyways last month they moved back to our city and got a 2 bedroom house, my dad had promised me the room before he moved back and told me he could do 50/50 again if me and my mom were okay with it and we were. I was so excited and even picked out furniture and bought stuff to decorate it.
Anyways they move into the house and invite me, they give me a tour and show me my “room”, I asked when I could start putting things in it and that’s when they told me that they were actually going to give the room to his wife’s mom, and since I was going away to college soon, it wasn’t like I was going to use the room much.
They also told me that instead of staying the full week that I can go on the weekends and sleep on their couch if I wanted to. I said no to that and texted my mom to pick me up. It’s been a month and I ghosted my dad fully, he even came to try to talk to me but I was at school, he’s been contacting my mom too which he hates doing.
So I just decided that I didn’t want to be in his life anymore or have him in mine, even though I barely did. I talked to my mom and for someone who hates my dad, she told me that I should just talk to him and spend time with him since I barely got to for 2 years.
I just decided to cut him off, it sounds impulsive I know but I sent him a long message detailing how emotionally neglected and unwanted he made me feel and to never contact me again. I blocked him and blocked his side of the family.
In the morning my mom woke me up at 5am and asked what I did, almost my dads entire family have been blowing up her phone asking what she said/did that made me want to cut off my dad.
During school I even got a few messages from my cousins on insta that I forgot to block insulting me. My mom showed me some of the messages and some are insulting both of us.
My dad even sent a message apologizing to me and said I broke his heart, his wife is sending disgusting messages towards my mom. I feel awful because I didn’t expect them to attack not only me but my mom, harshly at that. I feel like I messed up and want to know if what I did was the right thing.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Unblock him temporarily to let him know that his family and wife harassing you and your mom is exactly why you want no contact with any of them. He continues to take no accountability for his own actions and blame you and your mom instead. Tell him your mom is against your decision, but his family’s attack has reassured you that you made the right decision.
I would even send screenshots of messages. Ask him to call off his family and nasty wife. That for now you stand by your decision and that maybe in the future you will change your mind, but if it continues it will only drive you further from him. At that point you can either leave him unblocked to get a response or re-block.
As a minor, those messages might be enough to show harassment and might be worth notification to CPS/police to get the harassment to stop. A bully will usually stop if someone with some authority makes it uncomfortable for them. CPS is a big stick. Especially rally if they have other kiddos.
imjustapickl3 (OP)
that’s mostly up to my mom sadly ;/ she doesn’t like confrontation or having legal troubles and I don’t want to push them onto her. They don’t have any kids, thank god lol 😭
NTA you feel how you feel and that’s ok. Your dad did betray you and expected you to just accept it. And even if something had to change the way they told you was awful.
This is not ok, you're NTA. Your dad took away your room to give to his wife's mother and then said you can sleep on the couch? WTF, how often does her mom visit? He barely saw you or made any effort why keep emotionally damaging yourself?
I'd tell his family well he chose his wife over me years ago I guess I shouldn't be surprised he chose her mother over me too, I decided I don't deserve to be treated as an old sweater only useful when he needs me.
imjustapickl3 (OP)
Yeah exactly also from my knowledge not much, her mom is wild and goes to Vegas a lot, basically lives there and she’s rarely home in her own house now so like she won’t be in the room much either unless she’s back in town to which probably a lot as she won’t need to pay bills 😭 thank you so much.
NTA for your feelings. As a mom I understand where your mom is coming from. She just doesn’t want you to regret going no contact with your dad. But with what you are saying he really is a POS.
She should have never got your hopes up just to crush them like that. I’m sorry he did that to you. I hope he doesn’t know what his family and his wife are saying to you and your mom because if he does and hasn’t put a stop to it then he is a bigger POS then I thought.
My advice to you is stay with your mom and if he had no idea and stops the harassment to you and your mom maybe go low contact with him. Until he can prove himself to you. I’m sorry he is doing this to you but best wishes and stay strong.