'AITA for telling my dad's mistress, now wife, that she's disgusting?'
"AITA for telling my dad's mistress, now wife, that she's disgusting?"
My dad had an affair with my mom's supposed best friend Cheryl. Three years ago Cheryl pulled me (15m) aside and told me about the affair and that she wanted my help to make my siblings still love her when they found out.
She was someone we were all close with. I'm the baby of the family and the "favorite" of everyone, which I don't see as true, but it's a bit of a joke and I am the baby so I do get people looking out for me more.
This is something Cheryl tried to use to her advantage. She put me in the worst position by telling me about the affair because she hoped my siblings would love me too much to hate her if I told them not to. I was so angry at her and at dad.
I didn't want to be the one to tell mom. I didn't want to see her break down. But I knew I needed to. Mom was furious, more at Cheryl for involving me than the affair at first.
My dad defended Cheryl and said she had known me my whole life and should be allowed to confide in me. It turned into a really big fight. My siblings hated them more for trying to involve me too.
During the divorce we all said we wanted to stay with mom. The judge ruled I had to go to my dad's until I was 14. So for two years I had to go to dad's house every other week.
I made it my mission to make life harder for them that whole time. I refused to go along with the happy family garbage they tried to pull. Which only got WAY worse when Cheryl was pregnant and they wanted to do a pregnancy reveal with me in it and I said no.
After the baby was born they thought I would soften and would want to know their baby, I didn't. The last time I was at their house Cheryl was pregnant again.
I turned 14 and stopped going. I refuse to answer texts from them either (can't block my dad until I turn 18). My siblings have them both blocked and they refuse to engage with them.
Cheryl and my dad's families are living closer to them now and both ask about us and why we're not around. Dad's family have tried to reach out and get me to reconcile but I told them it would not happen and I hate my dad.
Cheryl confronted me while I was at the mall the other day. She followed me into different stores and said I have two younger siblings I should know and that I loved her before so I should stop punishing her and dad and start being more respectful.
I had enough when I realized she wasn't going to walk away and I told her she's disgusting and repulsive for trying to use me to her advantage, a 12 year old kid, when she was having an affair with dad.
I told her I would never show her any respect and she and dad could explain to their kids why they'll never be part of mine or my siblings lives. But I'm not going to let them guilt me into anything.
She has used dad's phone a bunch since then and I got over 100 texts already. Mom told them to stop and bullying a child after all they did makes them look even worse. The response back was I'm a disrespectful child who should be taught better. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NakedLifeCoach
NTA. And based on this, you can probably get an order of protection against her for harassment and your dad (since his phone was used). Which you should do. Then block your dad's number as well.
Slow-Drop7303 OP responded:
I can't get an order of protection based on this. There's a lot of stuff you need in order to get something like that in our state. You can't get it from a couple of incidents and several texts. There has to be a big ongoing pattern or whatever.
DearT_O_M
Maybe tell dad's family in a group chat about what happened...
000-Hotaru_Tomoe
NTA. And Cheryl using your dad phone to contact you can be seen as stalking, before bullying. She was literally harassing you.
Clean_Factor9673
NTA. The problem is their lack of respect for your parents marriage. Your dad is way out of line to condone Cheryl confiding in/attempting to manipulate a child, trying to force a familial relationship and bullying you. You have no obligation to buy into it. Mom needs to take screenshots of the 100 text messages and ask if you can block your dad now.
Fabulous_Owlzzz
Tell her she needs to go to therapy to make her understand how messed up it was to involve a 12 yo into an affair and also expect said 12yo to have some very difficult conversations on her and your dad’s behalf. Respect isn’t something that is demanded but earned.
She is a mother now. Is she going to do the same to her children? If she gets into an argument with your dad, she will send them to “fight her battles”? Hope she will do better, at least for her children. I understand you not wanting to have a close relationship with your half siblings but just like you, they didn’t really have a say in this and aren’t guilty of their parents’ mistakes. NTA.
BojackTrashMan
The dad is just as disturbing. Saying his affair partner has a right to "confide" in a child because they've known the child their whole life??? That makes it even more messed up! This is a child not your bestie.
But then again she fucked her best friend's husband so I can see why she's confused about what relationships are and what they mean. Truly a horrific human being who doesn't deserve a moment of joy or peace. NTA.
Then you're not correct that it won't matter to the judge. Where are you getting that this stream of texts isn't going to matter to the judge? It seems like you're throwing up a roadblock that doesn't exist.
Slow-Drop7303 OP responded:
To get a protection order or in order to make Cheryl stop contacting me, we need a lot. Mom spoke to a lawyer (different one than who deals with custody) and they gave her all the information on how long it needs to be going on and how frequent it has to be for a judge to take it seriously.
Once again, you're ignoring the point. You haven't spoken to anyone since this texting frenzy went through. You are not a lawyer, you're 15. Multiple adults are suggesting that this is a massive amount of contact. Why are you contradicting us like you went to law school? Why not contact people who can actually tell you it's not enough?
Slow-Drop7303 OP responded:
Because my mom already looked into it. She has the information on what we need. The only thing she hasn't looked at is whether the custody judge would do anything yet but she looked into it with a lawyer who deals with protection orders and stuff.
Dude, what do you want from her? She already explained that she told her mom about harassment, her mom contacted a lawyer, who looked through that and consult them on this.
You don't even know what state she is living in, and what legislative regulation they have related to RO, to talk so confident about something with so little important information about😒. Are even a lawyer? My guess you are not, or a very bad one. No good lawyer will give legal advises when he even don't know how it's regulated in place their client live