'AITA for telling my ex-best friend and ex-husband's affair partner that he tried to get me back?'
"AITA for telling my ex-best friend and ex-husband's affair partner he tried to get me back when she miscarried but not before she married him?"
I was best friends with Jess (37f) for almost 30 years when I learned she was having an affair with my husband Henry (40m). I divorced him and ended my friendship with her. She was pregnant when I learned the truth too. While Henry and I had our kids who were 2 and 4 at the time. This was 4 years ago.
During our divorce Jess suffered a later miscarriage and Henry tried to get me back. He sent me 100s of texts about how he wanted our family and only stayed with Jess because she was pregnant and how he'd wanted to fight for me.
He wrote a lot of awful things about Jess and he even sent photos of the gift he got me for my birthday that he "didn't have the chance to give me" because I found out about him and Jess and ended our marriage. He was trying to get me back for a solid 3 to 4 months and even after he stopped the constant push to get me back he was always saying he loved me and wanted me.
Jess wanted me to not hate them and I told her to f off and leave me alone because I didn't want to see her again and I knew I didn't get that choice because she was a selfish (said many insults to her face) and that she and Henry were disgusting.
She tried to shame me for not sympathizing about her miscarriage and I told her to get out of my face. She hadn't expected me to reject her, I don't think, and became angry at me for rejecting her when we were having a rough patch.
She started gloating that my kids would love her and she'd be their second mommy, etc. My kids don't call her mom or even say they have three parents. I never tried to stop it but they just don't. I avoid Jess and Henry until I can't and I didn't send a wedding gift when they got married which also pissed Jess off.
While Henry was upset it was him marrying Jess instead of us remarrying. I kept the texts from him because if he ever started to increase his efforts I wanted to have proof of harassment and the fact I had asked him to stop repeatedly. He even told me when Jess miscarried again and needed a procedure which showed she could never get pregnant again.
She knew none of this. But she confronted me again recently about not being friendly, hating them, and trying to rub it in my face that they are the family unit for my kids and how I'm just the extra person they have to see. And she brought up Henry always wanting her and I was pathetic keeping the kids from embracing her as mom.
I brought up Henry's to her and during a fight, which happened when she showed up at my house while the kids were at school, and the fact he only wanted her because of the pregnancy and tried many times to get me back. I even showed her a lot of what he sent me. And the ones where he shared her fertility troubles with me.
Now she's pissed at me for not telling her beforehand and Henry's mom (who I blocked during my divorce) showed up to say how awful I was to ruin the marriage like that and why couldn't I let them be happy. She told me I was extra petty for revealing all this after so long. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LunarTiger_99 said:
NTA, you were just protecting yourself and your kids. And let's be real, Jess is not a good person if she was willing to have an affair with your husband. You don't owe her any sympathy or friendliness. Keep doing what's best for you and your children.
Lambsenglish said:
NTA. They both played with fire and received the requisite burns.
Neo_Cypher_11 said:
Yikes, that sounds like a messy situation all around. But honestly, I think the real ahole here is Henry for trying to manipulate and guilt you into taking him back while he was having an affair. Also, who the hell shows up at someone's house to gloat about being the "second mommy" to their kids? That's just low. You're definitely NTA.
SnooMacaroons5247 said:
NTA. Who the f has an affair with their best friends husband and then gets mad at them For not wanting to be BFF’s anymore. How delusional and self absorbed is this woman.
Feisty_Plankton775 said:
It’s no surprise that Henry is a POS all around considering he was raised by a woman who expects no accountability from her son. NTA and good for you for calling him and the ex bff out on their BS.
VeilMisty said:
NTA, been there. Protect yourself and your kids; they don't deserve your kindness.
VeilGlimmer said:
NTA, you owe them nothing. Jess and Henry made their bed; now they lie in it.