'AITA for telling my family they will be getting ramen noodles for Christmas?' 'There has been confusion.'
"AITA for telling my family they will be getting ramen noodles for Christmas?"
I (27) female have a son (4y M) and we just moved into our first apartment this past September. After saving for almost 4 years and working 3 jobs, we were finally able to get our own place. However, like last year, we can not afford to get everyone gifts.
This year is especially difficult as I am not even sure how I am going to get my son anything, and I have a list of almost 37-40 people total in immediate family that I typically have to get gifts for. In the past, I have tried suggesting doing secret Santa’s, which everyone seemed to go for, however they would want to do a separate gift exchange after which almost defeats the purpose of doing a secret Santa.
Not to mention the limit is typically set to almost $100, which I just simply can not do. I’ve tried to explain before that I can’t afford to keep doing this and for everyone to just not get me anything, but it’s always met with an awkward conversation of “Oh, well you only have to spend $5 it’s not that much."
And no matter how much I saw I can’t, it doesn’t seem to register. So this year, my family started sharing what they all want for Christmas, and I again said I can’t do Christmas and to please not include me or my son as we won’t be able to get anyone anything. It was met with the same response, so I simple said ok.
Then, as everyone was sending their ideas in our group chat, I sent over the following, ”Hi everyone! I have said a couple times that I can’t afford to do Christmas this year, however, it seems there has been some confusion as to what that means. So, just to make everyone aware, you will be receiving ramen noodles as that is what I can give.
Kindly send the flavor of your choice, otherwise the flavor will be given at random.” Not even five minutes after I sent the message, I was removed from the group and got a bunch of messages saying that I was an ahole and should have just said nothing. I don’t know what else I can do and frankly, I’m at a point where I’m too depressed to care. So, am I the ahole?
EDIT:
To add, I am not making this expecting any sort of charity, nor do I want any. It is difficult enough having to admit to myself that I can’t afford to do Christmas how I’ve been doing it, let alone to ask anyone for anything (which I know extends from my past, but that’s a story for another time).
As for anyone assuming this is fake, I really wish it was. Unfortunately this has been a recurring topic for the past few years, and has only really gotten bad the past two as I was searching for a place for my son and I.
As for how much I spent last year, I had started purchasing gifts for my relatives back in June since I knew the list was long, that way it wasn’t spending at that money at once. A majority of it went towards my son, and I am glad I was able to give him one final “big” Christmas while I still could.
Also, I have noticed people making recommendations to groups that post discounts, Amazon sales, etc and I really appreciate that! If anyone knows of anymore pages, please let me know as it can not hurt to be apart of more than one!
I plan on sending a message out to all of my family again today, explaining how I’ve been feeling and I am hoping they can listen, but who knows.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SoMoistlyMoist said:
Buying gifts for 40 people is insane anyway. With extended family we all just draw names and we have a $25 limit. I mean each parent buys for their own kids but when you draw a name that's the only other person you have to buy for. It doesn't seem like your family knows what the spirit of Christmas is about. Sounds like just give me gifts or you're an ahole.
Emma3190 said:
NTA - Your family shouldn't be guilting you into buying gifts when you've already explained that you can't participate in that way, you also have offered a more cost effective option. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I'm sure life is hectic enough without worrying about this.
If you want to maybe defuse the situation a bit (which you don't have to) it may be worth texting and saying that you didn't mean to cause offense but the sentiment still stands; you can't afford to give gifts and you'd appreciate not being guilted then ostracized as a result.
billlumberg363 said:
NTA. You told them you don’t have the money. Buy your kid presents and forget the rest of them.
Hawaiianstylin808 said:
Send everyone a message that you cannot afford gifts this year and to not buy you gifts either. Just take care of the little one and end your Christmas shopping. NTA.
Lyla_R0o said:
NTA. This is why family Christmas with extended family is food and games bc when everyone started getting long term partners and or kids it got too much.
imnotnotcrying said:
NTA. I am 100% of the belief that kids are the priority for Christmas gifts. Especially if you’re having a hard time financially. The rest of your family can suck it up and admit they only care about the gifts.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, your son is young enough that you are able to create traditions that are more personal than just a lot of presents and he won’t know much different. Hotwheels usually go on pretty good sales if he’s into cars! The sets of course are pricey, but you could get him some cars and then make homemade race tracks with things like craft paper and paper towel tubes for tunnels.