'AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?"
My (27F) fiancé (29M) proposed to me a few weeks ago. It caught me completely by surprise, but we’ve been together for 3 years and things have been going great. So I was really excited and said yes!
I really liked the ring when I first saw it and my friends and family all think it is stunning. It’s an oval cut with “diamonds” across the band. I asked where he got it and he wouldn’t tell me where, but that he got a great deal on it.
I didn’t think anything of it until yesterday we were in bed and I was asked him if it was diamond or moissanite, mainly out of curiosity. I don’t have a preference btw. He said he didn’t know and would have to look it up. When I glanced over at his phone, he was in the Temu app. I asked him if he got it from there and he didn’t respond.
So I asked again and he responded with something like “does it matter?” and left the room and ended up sleeping on the couch. I spent all night so confused. Today decided to download the app and look up my ring and I found one that looks identical.
I found the exact ring and it's listed at $38. I am mad. He makes good money ($200K/yr) and I feel like he could’ve shelled out some money for a ring better than one on Temu. AITA for telling him I don’t want it?
UPDATE 1:
After reading responses, I was freaking out a bit. He came home while I was FaceTiming a friend about this. I hung up with her and then talked to him for an hour or so.
He apologized for sleeping on the couch and that he needed time to think. He doesn’t see eye to eye with me on my concerns about the ring and says he did research and that it was highly rated. He says if the ring breaks he will replace it (but didn’t say it’d be higher quality).
I have people messaging me that the ring could be harmful to my health and that Temu has horrible standards for their jewelry and labor issues so now I really don’t want to wear it. He left and went to his brother’s house. Usually I’d go with him but things are just tense. AITA for telling him I still don’t want it?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Aggressive-Sample612 said:
NTA. I don’t care about how expensive a ring is, but the point of it is to last so buying it from TEMU of all places is real sh$%ty.
Daide said:
NTA. You aren't asking for a 5k ring, you're asking for a ring made out of a known material that isn't essentially from Claire's. You got costume jewelry.
Apprehensive_War9612 said:
Temu? There’s real gold and real silver and real platinum and real tungsten and real stainless steel and real diamonds and moissanite on Amazon for fucks sakes. A Temu ring tells me he wants a Temu marriage.
Thoughtless, low quality, and temporary. No one needs to break the bank to buy an engagement ring. You should do the best that you can and try to make your partner happy. But he basically scrolled on Facebook and picked you out something shiny. NTA.
Spinnerofyarn said:
I still say NTA. A Ring Pop is more romantic than a ring from Temu.
Lord-Smalldemort said:
NTA - this is wild! I can’t believe he is taking space over this like you’re being snobby. Does his weird judgment come out in other places?
Actual-Swordfish1513 said:
Engagement rings don't have to be expensive but they should be good quality since you're expecting to wear it the rest of your life. NTA.
Update 2:
He came home this morning while I was in a WFH meeting. These comments made my head spin all night. I got like 3 hours of sleep so I admit I may be in the wrong for bringing up his finances but I did.
Re: the gold digger rumors, when we met I was making more than him and often paying for his things, his high paying job is a recent development. I have my own money and don’t need his.
I asked him what was going on, if there was anything he needed to tell me, if he was “testing me” by doing this… Well that really set him off. “What kind of person do you think I am? You think I’m a cheapskate? A liar?
You obviously think really poorly of me”… but STILL he never gave me a reason. So I asked why he was deflecting every question to victimize himself and to avoid my questions. He tried to leave AGAIN.
So I tried deescalating and told him I see where he’s coming from but I need to know if he still loves me. He was immediately apologetic and still wants to get married. He said I can just pick my ring out and buy it with my own money. He said he’s sick of talking about this and it’s “water under the bridge” now.
He’s acting like his normal self again since this convo. I hear him out there skipping around and humming to himself all happily and it’s actually pissing me off. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I don’t think I can handle a marriage with someone like this.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Girl, f^%$ the ring for now and just consider how he handles the issue. Which is, he won't! He defects, he turns the tables, he tries to leave ... and when HE'S done then he excepts you to drop it. You think this strategy won't be the default in any difficult conversation?
Guaranteed in his mind this whole subject is, not only done, but satisfactorily concluded and if you bring it up again you would be the who is wrong now and causing problems. Bet. You are not wrong to reconsider what you're getting yourself into.
This will be your future if you marry him. He’s showing you exactly who he is. He’s cheap and now expects you to buy your own ring… WITH YOUR OWN MONEY???! You would be the a$&%ole if you stay with this person