'AITA for telling my friend I don’t want to be in her wedding party?' 'I’m not comfortable with her fiancé.'
"AITA for telling my friend I don’t want to be in her wedding party because I’m not comfortable with her fiancé?"
I (25F) have been friends with Rhian (26F) for over 10 years. We’ve been through a lot together, and I thought we were super close. Recently, she got engaged to Fred (28M), and while I’ve met him a few times, I never really clicked with him. I’ll admit, he’s kind of...dismissive of me.
He makes sarcastic comments whenever I talk, and I’ve overheard him talking behind my back a couple of times about how “weird” I am. Rhian doesn’t seem to notice, or maybe she just brushes it off.
Now, Rhian has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. At first, I was excited, but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I felt being in the same space with Fred for an entire wedding. I don’t want to cause drama, but I don’t think I can pretend everything’s fine when he clearly doesn’t like me.
I talked to Rhian about it and told her I didn’t feel comfortable being in the wedding party because of the tension with Fred. She got really upset and said I was making a big deal out of nothing and that I was being selfish for not supporting her on her big day. She even said I was "ruining" the friendship because I can’t just suck it up.
I know this situation affects Rhian, and she might feel hurt that I’m not supporting her wedding fully. I’m worried that by not just pushing through my discomfort, I could be coming off as selfish or unwilling to be there for her in the way she needs.
She’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose her over this, but I also don’t feel right pretending everything’s okay with Fred. Now, I’m wondering if I overreacted. AITA for not wanting to be in her wedding party because of Fred?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
WickedAngelLove said:
NTA but you have to decide what's more important to you- being there for your friend or standing on your principals. She's not going to see it how you see it and this could potentially end your friendship with her for the foreseeable future. Is that what you want? (this is not your fault but being realistic here).
You could participate and just avoid him. Or you can just bow out but if you don't participate, are you ready to lose your friend? If that answer is yes, then you made your choice.
crimsonfury73 said:
Soft YTA. If her fiance was such a problem that you don't even want to participate in the wedding, then why have you not said anything about it before now? She probably feels completely blindsided by this during a really stressful time, and frankly if I were her and you didn't participate in my wedding over this?
That would be the end of the friendship, for me. If her fiance really is so sh$%ty that you can't grin and bear it, then it is what it is. But don't expect the friendship to survive that choice.
NecessaryNet7010 said:
Leaning towards YTA (light). It’s hard to know from your short description how much of a jerk this guy has actually been to you. It’s okay for you to not be friends with him/for you not to really like each other. If you’re both civil and care about her, that’s what matters.
I don’t see why not vibing with him would really matter for being in the party. Would there be a lot of group events for both sides of the wedding party? I feel like most pre-wedding events are quite separated by gender, no?
cookiez4ever said:
Soft YTA. My sister's husband's best friend is my ex. He was his best man, and I was her maid of honor. Was it awkward? Yes. Did I not want to do it? Yes. Did I do it for my sister because being her maid of honour was more important? Yes. You have to decide what's most important to you. Having an uncomfortable day, or potentially losing your friend.
Neat_Reception3712 said:
YTA. This is your best friend and her wedding isn’t about you. You can adult through it and be there for her on her important day. Worrying about her fiance not liking you and making that the reason you don’t show up as a bridesmaid is childish.
CrankyBiker said:
ESH. Learn how to communicate directly. You’ve let this go on for quite a while. You’re doing yourself a disservice. Start treating yourself better.