'AITA for telling a friend to leave for calling my daughter a brat?' 'I am starting to feel almost guilty.'
"AITA for telling a friend to leave for calling my daughter a brat?"
I am a forty something single father with full custody of a teen daughter. A friend was staying with us for a few days while her house is being worked on. When I was folding laundry, this friend told me I shouldn’t do my daughter’s laundry. I told her that I usually just grab it if I’m already doing my own.
Thinking that this was a friendly conversation, I mused that when I bring her laundry basket back to her room, she rolls her eyes and thanks me and kisses my cheek, which I think is cute.
This friend goes on to calmly tell me that I’m raising a spoiled brat. She gives several examples of my daughter’s spoiled behavior, which I didn’t agree with. She also used the anecdote I had told her about laundry against me. Though she was acting calmly, I was still upset.
I immediately asked her to leave. After a bit of back and forth she relented. I’ve received messages from friends, and also coworkers as this is a former coworker. The vast majority are similarly shaming me for telling this person to leave.
A few messages are even insisting I let her stay because she’s staying at a hotel costing her $250 a night for the next two nights. I told them she over stepped and I was not going to stand for it. My closest friends are on my side however I’ve been receiving many shaming messages.
I am starting to feel almost guilty about this and I feel as if I’m doing something wrong. My defense is protecting my child, however a few people have said that’s a weak defense. I want an outside perspective. My mind is reeling. I have work in a few hours and can’t sleep.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Despite my initial thought that people were contacting me because she messaged them directly, I’ve discovered this morning that it was actually a social media post that spun the story drastically.
I requested multiple times for her to drop the topic before I asked her to leave whereas this post is claiming I “flew off the handle” after she “expressed concern” regarding my daughter’s behavior. To say I’m livid is an understatement.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Own-Kangaroo6931 said:
NTA, friend was totally out of line. Well done for defending your daughter here, and even if you are "spoiling" your daughter the friend could have just said, "you're spoiling her" and you could have both laughed it off.
Calling her a brat - unless you are leaving out huge chunks of information here - isn't ok. I wonder if she would have made that same comment if it had been a mother folding their daughter's laundry? Hmm.
G0t2ThinkAboutIt said:
NTA. Your entitled friend obviously hasn't learned how to be a good houseguest. When some one is giving you a gift by opening their home so that you have a free place to stay, you DON'T insult the host or the host's family. If there appears to be an inappropriate comment (we all put our foot in our mouth at some point) you quickly apologize and move onto a safer subject.
There is nothing wrong with this and it's kind of cute: When I was folding laundry, this friend told me I shouldn’t do my daughter’s laundry. I told her that I usually just grab it if I’m already doing my own. Thinking that this was a friendly conversation, I mused that when I bring her laundry basket back to her room, she rolls her eyes and thanks me and kisses my cheek, which I think is cute.
There is everything wrong with this: This friend goes on to calmly tell me that I’m raising a spoiled brat. She gives several examples of my daughter’s spoiled behavior, which I didn’t agree with. She also used the anecdote I had told her about laundry against me. Though she was acting calmly, I was still upset. I immediately asked her to leave. After a bit of back and forth she relented.
You're ex-friend was also wrong by making this a court of public opinion. She should have kept her mouth shut. If her friends were so upset that she had to pay $250 for a hotel, why didn't they let her stay with them to save her that expenditure? Sounds the court of public opinion friends are two-faced AHs too.
fallingintopolkadots said:
NTA. Even if you were raising a "spoiled brat" -- which I'm not getting the impression that you are at all -- it is incredibly rude and gauche to chastise you for how you're raising your child when you are doing her a favor by allowing her to stay in your home for free. She f'd around and found out. Good on you for standing up for your daughter.
FunnyEfficient1108 said:
This person was a guest in your home, you were doing them a favor and she decided to overstep her boundaries and give you unsolicited advice and insult your parenting and child in the process.
She’s paying $250 a day cause she doesn’t know her place and those co-workers need to back off or you can take it to HR. Why don’t they house her since they’re so bothered? They’re not worth losing sleep over. NTA.
spiritsilvergrey said:
NTA. This is a common feeling to have. I was raised by narcissists, and when you stand up for yourself/your kid and put your foot down when someone is boundary-trampling egregiously, you will get sh$t for it when they tell the story to others in their own narc way. And people don't have to be full-blown narcs to do this.
She's got some tendencies or she wouldn't have had the gall to tell you you were raising a spoiled brat because you grabbed your kid's laundry when you were doing laundry anyway; that is not exactly setting yourself on fire to keep your kid warm--it's clearly just an offhand favor.
This'll blow over, and anyone for whom it doesn't blow over was either looking for a reason to dislike you or you're just, in general, better off with them out of your personal circle.
Various_Garage_88 said:
NTA, why do all these stories include “and now I’m getting texts from friends and co workers?" What a bizarre thing to interject yourself into other than say, offering her a room at their own house. Your daughter doesn’t sound spoilt and it’s really none of your exhouse guests business if she is.
Remarkable_Buyer4625 said:
NTA - Who comes into someone’s house and criticizes both their kid and their parenting? Especially when that person is doing you a favor? Good grief.