'AITA for telling a friend to leave for calling my daughter a brat?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling a friend to leave for calling my daughter a brat?"
I am a forty something single father with full custody of a teen daughter. A friend was staying with us for a few days while her house is being worked on. When I was folding laundry, this friend told me I shouldn’t do my daughter’s laundry. I told her that I usually just grab it if I’m already doing my own.
Thinking that this was a friendly conversation, I mused that when I bring her laundry basket back to her room, she rolls her eyes and thanks me and kisses my cheek, which I think is cute.
This friend goes on to calmly tell me that I’m raising a spoiled brat. She gives several examples of my daughter’s spoiled behavior, which I didn’t agree with. She also used the anecdote I had told her about laundry against me. Though she was acting calmly, I was still upset.
I immediately asked her to leave. After a bit of back and forth she relented. I’ve received messages from friends, and also coworkers as this is a former coworker. The vast majority are similarly shaming me for telling this person to leave.
A few messages are even insisting I let her stay because she’s staying at a hotel costing her $250 a night for the next two nights. I told them she over stepped and I was not going to stand for it. My closest friends are on my side however I’ve been receiving many shaming messages.
I am starting to feel almost guilty about this and I feel as if I’m doing something wrong. My defense is protecting my child, however a few people have said that’s a weak defense. I want an outside perspective. My mind is reeling. I have work in a few hours and can’t sleep.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Despite my initial thought that people were contacting me because she messaged them directly, I’ve discovered this morning that it was actually a social media post that spun the story drastically.
I requested multiple times for her to drop the topic before I asked her to leave whereas this post is claiming I “flew off the handle” after she “expressed concern” regarding my daughter’s behavior. To say I’m livid is an understatement.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Own-Kangaroo6931 said:
NTA, friend was totally out of line. Well done for defending your daughter here, and even if you are "spoiling" your daughter the friend could have just said, "you're spoiling her" and you could have both laughed it off.
Calling her a brat - unless you are leaving out huge chunks of information here - isn't ok. I wonder if she would have made that same comment if it had been a mother folding their daughter's laundry? Hmm.
NTA, friend was totally out of line. Well done for defending your daughter here, and even if you are "spoiling" your daughter the friend could have just said, "you're spoiling her" and you could have both laughed it off. Calling her a brat - unless you are leaving out huge chunks of information here - isn't ok.
I wonder if she would have made that same comment if it had been a mother folding their daughter's laundry? Hmm.
Anxious_Current4327 OP responded:
You know, that’s not something I even thought of. I’ll be the first to admit that my daughter is a bit of a daddy’s girl, but I’ve also made sure she understands that she earns what she gets and that there are consequences to her actions.
If she were to simply have said that she was spoiled I might have even laughed and agreed, but a spoiled brat takes it to another level that I was not comfortable with.
fallingintopolkadots said:
NTA. Even if you were raising a "spoiled brat" -- which I'm not getting the impression that you are at all -- it is incredibly rude and gauche to chastise you for how you're raising your child when you are doing her a favor by allowing her to stay in your home for free. She f'd around and found out. Good on you for standing up for your daughter.
FunnyEfficient1108 said:
This person was a guest in your home, you were doing them a favor and she decided to overstep her boundaries and give you unsolicited advice and insult your parenting and child in the process.
She’s paying $250 a day cause she doesn’t know her place and those co-workers need to back off or you can take it to HR. Why don’t they house her since they’re so bothered? They’re not worth losing sleep over. NTA.
It’s not your friends business or place to get involved in how your raise your child. Getting other friends and coworkers involved to guilt you show how out of line and manipulative this person is. Cut ties and be done with this nutter.
Anxious_Current4327 OP responded:
To be frank I wasn’t particularly close to her in the first place, and I suppose now I feel validated in why. Texting everyone we both knew to get them to talk to me and let her stay is absolutely insane.
Various_Garage_88 said:
NTA, why do all these stories include “and now I’m getting texts from friends and co workers?" What a bizarre thing to interject yourself into other than say, offering her a room at their own house. Your daughter doesn’t sound spoilt and it’s really none of your exhouse guests business if she is.
Remarkable_Buyer4625 said:
NTA - Who comes into someone’s house and criticizes both their kid and their parenting? Especially when that person is doing you a favor? Good grief.
Later OP came back with this update:
Who was the first to say she was interested in me? You deserve a treat, because I never guessed. A coworker that I am closer with informed me of this situation, which apparently everyone else knew of.
When she needed a place to stay, her aunt, who I still work with, suggested she ask me. That started the week or so of hounding and eventually me feeling obligated to take her in.
It wasn’t the romantic story that they thought it would be. She was embarrassed. I ultimately was being shamed because people were disappointed and I kicked out the young, sweet niece of the “office mom”.
Additionally, no one even asked me about it. I don’t date, but even if I did, she is over 15 years younger than me, which is more years than my daughter has been in existence. She’s closer to her age than mine.
Lastly, I did talk to HR, and I am told it is being taken care of. We’ll see how that transpires.