'AITA for telling my GF she needs to clean if she's not going to get a job?' 'I don't want some trad wife.'

"AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to clean if she's not going to get a job?"

My girlfriend (20f) and I (21m) have been together 4 years, and have been living together around 2 years. She had a part time job up until January or so, working 2-3 days per week, but she quit because she couldn't stand working there any longer.

I on the other hand, work a full time job, and have a full time college schedule (though all the school is online, it still requires around 4 hours of work per week.) Anyways, I don't mind being "the provider," but I don't want some sort of trad wife who's only there to cook, clean, and look pretty.

However, I feel as though if I'm putting in 40 hours a week in at work, and 4+ hours per week in to school, the least she could do is pick up around the house, (laundry, dishes, etc). I go to work 9-5, then we go to the gym, and then I come home and cook for us.

Every time I try to express that our effort feels one sided, she says that I'm being unfair and that "she shouldn't be the only one doing things around the house," which I agree with to an extent. But she does nothing worthwhile while I'm at work. She'll sleep, lay in bed on her phone, or play video games.

I just don't know how to work something out. Her friends also take her side and say it's unfair for me to ask her to clean, but I really don't understand how that's unreasonable to ask. Came here to rant more than anything, but AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Sebscreen said:

NTA. Not wanting a traditional division of labour also means you need to stop letting her use you as the "provide." "This is about basic human respect has she has zero for you. It does not bode well when someone who's supposed to be your partner and have your back views you as so inferior to her that she feels entitled to you breaking your back working to maintain her lifestyle while she does nothing.

dgduhon said:

NTA. If one person in a couple isn't working, then it's their "job" to do the majority of the housework. That's what a partnership is about. If you are working and doing the majority of the housework, then why even have her living with you?

lycamm said:

NTA but how is she paying for herself nowadays? Is she using her savings? Please do not subside her, she is an adult and should provide for herself.

BigGaggy222 said:

NTA She is a dependapotomus. Have a come to Jesus talk about equality and partnership. The least she could do it a few hours housework if she isn't paying rent. This is a deal breaker if she won't match effort level with you.

Remote-Visual7976 said:

NTA--stop being a door mat. She doesn't want to work and doesn't want to clean. That is called a leech. Is this what you want for your future?

Spiritual_Cry3316 said:

NTA. You don't have a girlfriend/partner, you have a dependent that you can't deduct on your taxes. She is not pulling her weight, and when you talk to her about it she deflects and tries to make you feel guilty for asking her to do her part. Is that the kind of life you want OP?

I'd see this relationship as over and move on. You can do better. FInd someone who is as motivated and ambitious as you are, someone who will be a contributing partner in the relationship.