'AITA for telling my husband I don’t want him going out drinking?' 'I'm 38 weeks pregnant.'
"AITA for telling my husband I don’t want him going out drinking?"
I (38F) and my husband (41M) are pregnant with our second child. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and just had my membranes swept, so, I could go into labor any day now. My husband asked me if I wanted to have people over this weekend to watch playoff football.
I told him that I didn’t want anybody at the house because I just cleaned and washed everything. I said that I wouldn’t mind going to someone else’s house though. He then suggested we go to a bar.
I told him that I didn’t want to get a babysitter for our daughter, and that a crowded bar when I’m this pregnant doesn’t seem like a good time for me. He then said that he thinks he will just go to the bar and meet some friends, and I can stay home if I want.
I became pretty annoyed and told him that a.) I didn’t really think it was fair to me to just expect me to stay home with our daughter (who I love more than anything but she is still a child and still work and I’m honestly just exhausted at this point) and b.) I didn’t want him drinking as I could go into labor any moment and would like for him to be able to drive me to the hospital and overall be coherent and sharp.
For reference, the only thing he wanted for Christmas was a night away in a hotel. Last weekend, I bought him a night away for him to relax. He came home the next morning and told me that he did some gambling and drank some and that he didn’t sleep very well.
So he slept all day long. The whole point of the hotel stay was to relax so I was pretty annoyed as I was the one doing everything around the house and taking care of our daughter the whole weekend.
He got mad when I got upset about him even suggesting going out with his friends this weekend. He said I should have handled it better, which I probably should have, but I’m frustrated that it even needs to be a conversation and that I have to feel like the bad guy by telling him I don’t want him to go.
AITA for telling him that I don’t want him going out and that it’s ridiculous he would think it was appropriate this late in my pregnancy?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Armorer- said:
I dislike it when pregnant women say that they as a couple are pregnant, it’s like gaslighting to me because NO you are the pregnant woman growing a tiny human inside of you which is physically and emotionally taxing.
No matter how great your partner is they will never have to deal with the unpleasant parts of pregnancy and childbirth. NTA Your husband is acting like a petulant child, he should extra mindful now that you are so far along by helping you feel comfortable and supported, it’s the least he can do.
PM_ME_SEXY_SANDWICH said:
NTA. You're almost to term AND you've had your membranes swept? You could literally go into labor anytime at this point. That needs to be his top priority.
writierthanyou said:
NTA. I get it. The idea of going out to a bar when you are so close to delivery shouldn't have even been his head. The note about him needing to escape this past Christmas, only to come back and sleep all day, also annoyed me.
There are about to be two kids and very little free time for you two for the next few years. Lay out your expectations for him calmly, and make it clear he's going to have to share the load so you don't get overwhelmed.
To those complaining about my word choice, I stand on what I said. Wanting to get away from your family for a night is a form of escaping. The real issue is that he got his break and still came home and left everything for OP to do.
CarryOk3080 said:
Nta. But is he always like this? Does he help with the first daughter? Is he a very present dad? Or is he a "fun" dad who riles kid up for 20 minutes then hands it back to mom to wrestle to bed....
My kid's dad was great with first, The second was a nightmare and I threw him out on father's Day 3 days after she came home from the hospital and it was rocky from that point on. Hopefully he shapes up before this baby is born. Stick to your guns. He is not going out drinking while you are at home just waiting to pop his kid out.
Willing_Wonder7276 said:
NTA It’s reasonable for him to be staying home except when necessary at this time. You’re a saint for giving him a night away while you, very pregnant, also took care of your presumably also pretty young child.
Ok-Educator850 said:
NTA - He should be sober and able to drive you to the hospital at any time it is deemed normal to go into labor. That would be from 37 weeks when considered full-term.
No real issues with him making plans because he is an adult and you are the pregnant person but he shouldn’t be drinking alcohol when he needs to be quickly available to drive and support you in labour and arrange care for your daughter.