'AITA for telling my husband he's not his father's bio kid and revealing MILs secrets?'
"AITA for telling my husband he's not his father's bio kid and revealing MILs secrets?"
My MIL doesn't like me. She apparently never did though she was good about hiding it for a while. About two years ago she made a lot of comments about me not being the right choice for her son because I came from foster care and had nothing, not even a real name (I was named in foster care without much consideration or love).
We took a six month break from her where we had zero contact. My husband refused to subject me to that unless his mom apologized and meant it. The thing was before she made those comments she had appeared to accept me. But then she unleashed all her true feelings on me/us.
She did eventually apologize and we both believed she meant it so we started having contact with her again. My FIL was never no contact. We'd see him away from my MIL and he would apologize that I had to hear her hate. He was considering divorce over it and only didn't go ahead because my MIL did (appear to) regret it.
My husband and I had our first child together and that's when my MIL did something that put me in the worst position. She told me she'd had an affair and my husband wasn't my FILs child. Not even my FIL knew. Nobody did.
She wanted to take it to the grave. But she saw telling me as a way to punish me for coming between her and my husband. He was the only one of her and my FILs kids she admitted this about.
She even showed me letters between her and the bio father and how he knew he was my husband's bio father, or suspected, and she told me I couldn't tell my husband because I knew how much it would devastate him, which I did. My husband adores his dad. I knew it would crush him.
I tried to make her tell them. I told her I would tell him if she didn't and she said no, and that neither of us could tell him. The other part of this was I knew if I kept quiet and they found out later and he learned that I knew? He would never forgive me. After weeks of trying to get my MIL to do it, I finally told my husband what my MIL had told me.
He was crushed and I also think he worried his relationship with his dad would be forever damaged in some way by it. He was also incredibly mad at his mom. He ended up telling my FIL and they confronted my MIL and she tried to paint me as a liar.
But ever since there has been a very deep feud going on. My FIL is divorcing my MIL, my husband and my FIL confirmed the whole thing through DNA which devastated them both even more and my husband's siblings are all upset at what my MIL did but also at the end of what they considered a perfect family.
A couple of them have implied that I'm to blame for exposing it. None of them have said it outright but comments about how it would have been better kept a secret while looking at me and the two who said those things have become more distant with me, and with my husband because he says I did the right thing. I hate the hurt. I also hate my MIL for putting me in the position she did. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You had to tell your husband, that’s your person, you shouldn’t feel guilty. The blame lies solely on her.
GladAssistance8018 (OP)
I know. Telling him was all I could think about because I knew I couldn't keep it from him. But I hate the hurt it brought with it.
If she didn’t want anyone to know, she shouldn’t have told anyone. But more to the point, there was only one reason she told you - spite. Your only choices were to keep a massive secret from your husband (and potentially explode your marriage when and if it did come out) or simply be honest. NTA.
"A couple of them have implied that I'm to blame for exposing it."
You didn't expose it, MIL did. Next time tell them she's the one who should have kept her mouth shut.
Keeping her mouth shut was the least of it. Maybe she shouldn't have cheated in the first place. And my answer to any of the siblings would be to ask them if they've had their own DNA checked.
She was planning to take that information “to the grave” but instead she decided the best way to get you away from her son was to destroy her relationship with her husband & son? That makes zero sense. Why would she ever choose to come clean & present proof to the one person in the family who doesn’t like her? This sounds like a Lifetime movie plot of a weird reverse blackmailing story.
MIL tells you (the person who doesn’t like her), her deepest, darkest secrets, provides you with written proof of all her past crimes, gives you information that will destroy her family & …. Then what … sits back & patiently waits for you to leave your husband? lol … what? Makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. ETA.
GladAssistance8018 (OP)
She didn't think I'd ever tell him. Her plan was for me to struggle to keep the secret which would end the marriage or just torture me forever because I was keeping quiet about it. Even when I told her I would tell him she kept bringing up how hurt he'd be and she expected that to stop me from ever saying it. But I knew I had to be honest.
your MIL took 'family secrets' to a whole new level! Who knew that Thanksgiving dinners would turn into episodes of 'Maury'? You definitely deserve a medal for handling that drama.