'AITA for telling my husband we need to sleep in separate rooms?' 'I cannot handle the smell.'
"AITA for telling my husband we need to sleep in separate rooms?"
So I’m 27wks pregnant and smells have been a big trigger for me this entire pregnancy. However, the past few weeks it’s gotten to the point where certain smells or strong odors make me immediately sick.
Unfortunately some of the current smells majorly triggering me are food, smoke, and cologne. This is an issue because my husband works in a restaurant, and smokes so it’s difficult being within a few feet of him at most times unless he’s freshly showered.
He works late hours and usually just wants to sleep when he gets home, which I get. However, he comes to bed smelling like restaurant food and smoke which will wake me up of a dead sleep because my smell is triggered.
I’ve asked if he can shower quick before coming to bed and his response is that he’s too tired to shower and just wants to sleep, so his new solution is just spraying himself down with body spray before coming to bed which is honestly worse.
The past week it’s been so bad that I usually just get up when he comes to bed around 2/3am and either go sleep on the couch or get up for the day. However, when he wakes up and sees I’m not in bed or sleeping on the couch he gets mad that I left.
It came to a bit of a head last night when he came to bed reeking of body spray and smoke and tried to cuddle with me. I immediately started gagging because the smell was overpowering and tried to leave the room. I told him it’s temporary, but if he’s not willing to shower before bed we need to sleep in separate rooms because I cannot handle the smell right now.
He got mad and grabbed all his things and locked himself in the guest bedroom. He’s been ignoring me all day and making things awkward walking around the house and talking to our toddler but avoiding eye contact, conversation, and keeping a wide berth from me. The only conversation we’ve had is “this is what you wanted right?”
I feel like it’s not a super unreasonable request to shower before coming to bed and I was willing to sleep in another room as well. AITA here? Should I just suck it up for a few weeks until everything balances back out? Pregnancy is weird guys.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MonarchOfDonuts said:
NTA: Your husband is the one being unreasonable here. You aren't objecting just to be overly delicate or whatever; you're pregnant and the smells literally *make you sick.* It's not his fault that he works in a place that sends him home with such odors, but you offered a solution that he has rejected.
He is taking this as a personal slight--which it isn't--and it's troubling that he's being so petulant about a fairly reasonable accommodation for your pregnancy. Sharing a bed seems important to him, but he should be able to understand that your needs at this time require him to either wash up or sleep in a different room.
ADN-VIII said:
NTA. I'm a dude and your husband sounds gross. I've worked in construction for several years and I constantly come home late at night smelling like dirt and sweat. I've never once skipped a shower. It's unhygienic. Tell your husband the men of the internet are judging the f out of him for acting like a middle school boy who got his first can of Axe.
DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA said:
NTA. He knows that these smells are triggering you and make you feel sick and refuses to shower? What you suggested is completely reasonable. Either he showers after work or y’all sleep in seperate rooms until the smells no longer trigger you. Most people shower after a long day of work so it shouldn’t be an issue.
Awkward-Tourist979 said:
Pregnancy isn’t weird. Him stinking of grease, cigarette smoke and chemicals is not safe for you to be around and it’s not safe for the baby you are carrying. Your husband is utterly disgusting and gross.
essbeetwo said:
NTA. Don’t even apologize to him. Your husband is very childish and very unsympathetic. If anything throw up on him next time.
SpacedesignNL said:
You are about to have a baby in the house. Perfect time for not having smokers in the house. Time for him to quit. Now.